Think You Got Jokes
- Thread starter ArtZ69
- Start date
Good thread, shit made me think.
Right away I thought of Necro "I Need Drugs" I just think he clowns the fuck out of the L.L. Cool J song. Also just about any battle rap by Warbux is clowning, especially the one about a dude named Epitaph where he clowns him over an Eminem beat.
Other than that I really can't think of anything right now. I know theirs a bunch of other shit that makes me laugh but it's not intended to be funny, it's all evil type shit.
Right away I thought of Necro "I Need Drugs" I just think he clowns the fuck out of the L.L. Cool J song. Also just about any battle rap by Warbux is clowning, especially the one about a dude named Epitaph where he clowns him over an Eminem beat.
Other than that I really can't think of anything right now. I know theirs a bunch of other shit that makes me laugh but it's not intended to be funny, it's all evil type shit.
a kid walks into a whore house carrying a dead flattened frog on a string...he goes up to the women at the front desk and say's "I want the nastiest filthiest bitch you got". the women looks strangly at him and say's " room 115 upstairs to the right" the kid walks up stairs and comes back down 10 minutes later..he pays the lady but before he walks out the women stops him and asks" young man why did you ask for the nastiest filthiest whore we have" the kid says "well check this out, i fuck the nasty whore and i get the herpes, then later i go home and fuck the babysitter, then she gets the herpes, when daddy takes her home he gets the herpes, then tonight mommy and daddy fuck then she gets the herpes, and tommorow when daddy goes to work, mommy fucks the mailman, AND THATS THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT RAN OVER MY FROG!!
There is a guy sitting in a bar. A man comes and sits down next to him. The man then pulls a 12 inch tall man and a little piano out of his coat and the little man sits down and starts playing the piano. The other guy stares in amazement and says, "Whoa, that is awesome! Where did you get that miniature man from?" The guy pulls out a lamp and says, "From the genie in this lamp. He will grant a person one wish." The other man says, "Can I please make a wish?" The man says, "Sure." So the man rubs the lamp and the genie comes out and says, "I will grant you one wish." The man immediately says, "I wan't a million bucks." The genie says, "Granted", and POOF! After the smoke clears, the man notices that there are a lot of ducks. So the man says, "What the fuck is this? I asked for a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS." The other man says, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, the genie has a hearing problem. Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives,they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit in the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the side walk.
He and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!
The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives,they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit in the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the side walk.
He and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!
The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"
hahahahahaha^ thats a good one:
A hippie gets on a bus, and right at the front is the only available seat next to a nun. So he sits down next to her. As the bus starts driving off, the hippie turns to the nun and says 'WILL YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME' the nun declines and politely gets off at the next stop.
As the bus pulls out again, the driver turns around and says to the hippe
'I can tell you how you can have sex with that nun'
'Tell me please!!!' the hippie responds
'Every night at midnight the nun goes to the graveyard and prays to God, if you dressed up like God u could come out and command her to have sex with you'
'Great idea' says the hippie.
So the next night at midnight the hippie goes to the graveyard and sure enough he finds the nun praying. He throws a white bedsheet over his head, and a torch underneath and jums out in front of the nun:
'I am GOD I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you first must have sex with me'
'Ok' says the nun 'but could we do it in the ass because as a nun I must remain a virgin.
So the hippie thinks, HELL YEA, and starts having anal sex with her.
When he finished he throws off his robe and says 'HA HA I'M THE HIPPIE'
And the nun throws off her outfit and says 'HA HA I'M THE BUS DRIVER'
The End
A hippie gets on a bus, and right at the front is the only available seat next to a nun. So he sits down next to her. As the bus starts driving off, the hippie turns to the nun and says 'WILL YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME' the nun declines and politely gets off at the next stop.
As the bus pulls out again, the driver turns around and says to the hippe
'I can tell you how you can have sex with that nun'
'Tell me please!!!' the hippie responds
'Every night at midnight the nun goes to the graveyard and prays to God, if you dressed up like God u could come out and command her to have sex with you'
'Great idea' says the hippie.
So the next night at midnight the hippie goes to the graveyard and sure enough he finds the nun praying. He throws a white bedsheet over his head, and a torch underneath and jums out in front of the nun:
'I am GOD I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you first must have sex with me'
'Ok' says the nun 'but could we do it in the ass because as a nun I must remain a virgin.
So the hippie thinks, HELL YEA, and starts having anal sex with her.
When he finished he throws off his robe and says 'HA HA I'M THE HIPPIE'
And the nun throws off her outfit and says 'HA HA I'M THE BUS DRIVER'
The End
Your Daddys So Old He Farts Dust
Your Mommas So Old She Has Powedered Breast Milk
Your Mommas So Stupid She Traded In Her Car For Gas Money
Your Mommas So Poor She Cant Afford To Pay Attention
A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her.
Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"
The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him -
HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"
Your Mommas So Old She Has Powedered Breast Milk
Your Mommas So Stupid She Traded In Her Car For Gas Money
Your Mommas So Poor She Cant Afford To Pay Attention
A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her.
Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"
The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him -
HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"
Alabama State License Application
Last name: _________________
First name:
(Check appropriate box)
[_] billy bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ______ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: _____M_____F_____Not sure
Shoe Size: _____Left_____Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name_________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________
Lover's Name: ________________________
2nd Lover's Name: ___________________
Relationship to spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet
Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: _____
Number that are yours: _____
Mother's Name: ___________________
Father's Name: ___________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles that you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Where your firearms are kept:
[_] truck [_] kitchen
[_] bedroom [_] bathroom
[_] shed
Model and year of your pickup: _______ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; if no, please explain:
_____________________
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not applicable
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A
How many?_____
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 200-400 miles
[_] over 400 miles
[_] what's a miles?
Last name: _________________
First name:
(Check appropriate box)
[_] billy bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ______ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: _____M_____F_____Not sure
Shoe Size: _____Left_____Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name_________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________
Lover's Name: ________________________
2nd Lover's Name: ___________________
Relationship to spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet
Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: _____
Number that are yours: _____
Mother's Name: ___________________
Father's Name: ___________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles that you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Where your firearms are kept:
[_] truck [_] kitchen
[_] bedroom [_] bathroom
[_] shed
Model and year of your pickup: _______ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; if no, please explain:
_____________________
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not applicable
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A
How many?_____
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 200-400 miles
[_] over 400 miles
[_] what's a miles?
a boy is turning 16-on his birthday he asks his grandma for sum money to get a hooker-the grandma says keep your money ill have sex with you-so the boy is fucking his grandma and his dad catches them and screams " what are you doing??-stop fucking my mother-the boy turns and says "whats the big deal-you have been fucking my mother for years