I went to an early premier of the new Twilight flick in Manhattan today.
It was horrible.
But all the girls liked my jokes.
There's one part where Edward is in a tent trying to hide Bella from fuckin' Rage Zombie vampires, and it's on the peak of a mountain, so she's freezing. So Jacob comes in, and he's like "I'm fuckin' warm, you cold hearted fuck, let me jump in the sleeping bag with her."
Edward is pissed and Jacob is all rubbin up on her to keep her warm and shit... So it's basically like if a dude you hated jumped in bed with your girl and because she would freeze to death otherwise, you have to sit there and watch. At least, that was the intention of the scene.
Not ten minutes later, in the same location, Edward has to fight this main vampire bitch. He wins (of course) and then lights her on fire with a Zippo lighter.
Do you see the problem here?
He spent a whole night watching Jacob rub his werewolf dick all over his girlfriends back when he had a fucking Zippo lighter? Not matches, not a Bic.. A Zippo. Couldn't this guy have started a fire?
LoL.