Mortal Kombat is still cool, right? Wait, that's not a question. This is not up for debate. Mortal Kombat is the most badass video game to ever exist. It's the reason the ESRB -- which causes more stress-induced rages among publishers than all video game journalists combined -- exists.
We were going to do a Top 10 Mortal Kombat Fatalities feature, but some of the editors thought the task was too daunting. After all there are roughly 4 million Fatalities in the approximate 15 years of MK history. But luckily I had one and a half Sierra Nevada Pale Ales and was able to, off the top of my head, list the 10 greatest finishing moves that the Mortal Kombat series has ever seen.
If you don't agree with me you can... well, you can scroll down to the end of the article and find out how to get your own opinion right here on the site. Cool, huh?
10. Giant Jax
First off, Jax is one badass mofo. Not only can he rock some majorly purple pants and still seem manly, but his arms are freaking made of metal! Look at those guns! There haven't been guns that awesome since that guy in the Alien vs Predator arcade game whose arm was actually a gun. And to prove he's the biggest, baddest fighter in the Underworld, Jax decided to grow to 50 feet and crush his opponent like a bug under his boot.
9. Strykersaurus-rex
People forgot about Animalities in Mortal Kombat because they were effin' terrible. Turning into a kangaroo is not hardcore. But one Animality stands out because it was actually totally sweet. Striker, the tough-as-nails cop from the future (or whatever his deal was) goes all Jurassic Park and turns into a t-rex! Then he takes a big ol' chomp out of his opponent. YUM.
8. Kitana's Kiss of Death
When Mortal Kombat came out I was at the age when girls were scary. Kitana and Mileena insured that I would be afraid of the opposite gender for the rest of my life. I eventually got over the fear that girls could eat my soul and spit out my bones, but it took years of therapy to convince myself that letting a girl kiss me would not cause my body to inflate and then burst in a grotesque Looney Toons gag.
7. Sub-Zero Crushed Ice
Sub Zero had a lot of ice-based moves, and a lot of brutal Fatalities. But there was only one that showed off how extensive his powers were. Everyone thought the player just screwed up and accidentally froze his opponent. But then Sub Zero strolls up and, with one punch, shatters the loser into a thousand pieces. That's cold. (Ha get it? Cause of the ice!)
6. Reptile Gives You Some Tongue
Reptile was already a weird guy. He rolls in as a secret character in the original Mortal Kombat as a simple palette swap of Sub Zero and Scorpion. But when he became a legitimate character they started to do some weird crap with him. Turns out he's not just called reptile, he's actually like a gross lizard man. And he has a long-ass tongue too. Oh, and you know what his favorite after-fight snack is? It's YOUR HEAD!
5. Kung Lao's Hat Trick
Mortal Kombat's resident Shaolin Monk had a pretty bitchin' hat. It didn't just look cool though, it was also the most dangerous and impractical hat ever. When Kung Lao beat an enemy, he demonstrated the sharpness of his hat like a Ginsu knife salesman at a county fair. With one quick swipe Kung Lao could slice his opponent asunder, and watch as they fell to the floor as two slabs of meat.
4. Tie, between...
Sektor Squash
Sure, Sektor was just a lazy Cyrax clone and nobody ever used him because he didn't have that net thing that made Cyrax a usable character. But Sektor did have something going for him. Hidden in that chest plate of his was a huge, um, squashy thing. Honestly I don't know what purpose something like that could have served besides, well, crushing people. And that's what Sektor used it for!
All Babalities
Remember that sh--? Yeah, that was 'effin nuts.
3. Sheeva's Manly Forearms
Goro's daughter is totally hot, in the way roided-out female bodybuilders are. Plus she's got four arms, so you know what that means, right fellas? Oh, it means she can grab you and just rip the skin and muscles clean off your bones! Okay, slightly less hot now.
2. Scorpion is Hot
How is it that all of these ninja guys have totally normal foreheads when their masks are on, but then all of a sudden they have some sort of crazy face!? Scorpion apparently is Mr. Skullhead. Then, to further confuse the issue, he can breathe fire! And he toasts his opponent up. This Fatality stands out because it was the first one I ever learned how to do.
1. Smoke Asplodes the Earf
I don't know what happened to Smoke between MK 2 and 3, but he suddenly became a cyborg (please do not link me to the MK wiki that explains it, nerds). He also got this sweet bomb move that my little brother could never block and it would send him into a mad rage. You know how powerful Smoke's bombs are? It only takes a dozen or so to blow up the entire planet.
