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Ok, what the fuck is up with the toilet paper at the BART stations....I got to take a shit there an when i needed to wipe my ass i reached for some TP, and they got these damn 2"x2" little individual squares of like 1 ply TP, the Tp in jail is better then this stuff...its not even on a roll, it...

Let me preface this post by saying that I am not a man who thinks "potty humor" is the "be all end all" of what is funny. "Potty humor," or "dick and fart jokes," is not my bread and butter (a ridiculous phrase) but it does have its own important rung on the ladder of comedy...a lower rung, but...

Enjoy that green lovin

Eddie slid the little plastic gun back under his closet's shoe rack. He had spent the last half-hour once again pretending to want to commit suicide. The pot didn't help either, his blue eyes now redder than ever. "Fuck," he muttered to himself, "Saturdays are boring as fuck." His tall...

Some of you know that I am originally from California but have been exiled on the east coast, Pennsylvania to be exact for years. When I moved to PA I had never seen snow except for pictures etc. The following occurred my first winter in Pa., over the course of just 2 days. The first time...

In my opinion,there has never been another boxer that evoked as much fear and dominated the sport as Mike Tyson did In his prime. As far as mike's interpersonal skills, intelligence and master of the english language..... I found this collection of quotes and they cracked me up...

Late nights and earlier mornings is how I live my busy, frantic and rather enjoyable life. Last night I got to bed round 3 AM. It was actually the third weeknight (work-night) that I went to bed after 2 AM. I wake up at 6:30 AM every morning, so as you can imagine, after 3 nights of 4 hours...

The Sesame Street Halloween Special 1 Elmo and Kermit AND THE ALIEN FROM MARS!!!! One day, Elmo and Kermit seemed like they were on Mars. That’s because THEY WERE ON MARS!!!!! "What Elmo and Green Frog doing on Mars?"Elmo asked Kermit. "Well,Elmo,"Kermit explained, "Our job today is to build...

Me and my dog have a very special bond. He's been my very best friend for three years, except for that time he slept with my girlfriend but she was a whore and would sleep with anything. I let him eat at the table for dinner, I subscribe to the local paper for him though I hate trees, and he...

NEW YORK (AP)- Females, under the impression that a Lexus is actually a fantastic automobile, were in for a shock when a new study revealed that they were actually just glorified Toyotas. "I was devastated," said 29 year old Tammy, a regional marketing sales director in Douglaston, Queens, "I...

On Saturday I went to the VanHalen concert here in Omaha. I am not a huge fan of the band but an older buddy of mine has been listening to them since they came out and wanted someone to go to the concert with him. This was different from any concert I had ever been to but in some ways it was...

Me and my turd Hermie first met after a particularly excruciating bowel movement last Thursday; I blame it on the Double Whopper(tm) and fries I scarfed on the way to my doctors appointment. Six hours after the meal and the six pills the doc gave me my intestines felt as if the were ready to...

A short while back we had a string of major break-ins in our area. My neighbours would wake up in the morning and notice almost all their appliances and electronics gone in addition to a couple of smashed first story windows. And though the robbers were more interested in looting the house of...

Well, my driving record has officially gone down the shitter. I'm not sure if any of you other fuckers have this law, but here in Connecticut, if you get 4 moving violations (speeding tickets, accidents, etc.) in a 3-year period, you must attend a driver retraining course and pay $60 to go...

Many times during the day I received junk emails. Normally I simply delete them , truly taken with a grain of salt. Luring me with a free ipod, laptop, x-box, and finally the bigger penis pill. While skimming through my 123 bits of spam, I came across something that caught my eye. The title of...

I am not a betting man. I hate making bets, in fact. The only time I'll make a bet is when I'm 100% sure I know I'll win. Like if somebody bets me twenty bucks that Europe is another planet, I'll take that bet. Or maybe if somebody bets me that their full-house would beat my flush any day of...

And you thought you were having a bad day. In sales, you have a lot of bad days. This day turned out to be really bad. I'm really not that good of a salesman. You could say I'm mediocre at best, but that would be nice. The truth is that I flat out suck. I don't believe in what I sell, I...

lol...Sf Weekly fucked up the spelling....lol Malicee....Malice.... whatever though.... Good to open the paper and see my local comrades wit a show comin up.... Keep it crackin

someone had it in the sig....help me ya'll i need that pic