Sir Dyno's book "midst of my confusion"

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MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
“Orale, but do me a favor, ese. Load my cuete,” I answered as I exited the freeway and headed straight to my Barrio Park. The park had a giant concrete dead end towards the middle of it. Everybody would cruise in and park along the sides. All the older homies from Apache would go almost every weekend to barbecue. It had small hills throughout the park with lots of old twisted trees for shade.
“What’s up?” said Chuey as we pulled up to park. I shook his hand as I got out of the car. He had just been released from jail for an assault a few months back. It felt good to see him out and free.
“Nada homie,” I answered as I walked with him to where the homeboys were standing. I could smell bud as I walked closer to the park benches.
“Que onda?” yelled one of the older vatos from the hood.
“Nada, nomas another day,” I said as I shook everybody’s hand and sat down.
Big Ed, Tobo, Chuey, Spider and Dragon were all talking about a fight they had gotten into the night before. It wasn’t too often that they were all out of jail and kicking back at the same time. Luckily I hadn’t been caught for anything. I was the only vato that hadn’t done any time yet. My primo Alfredo would put in work for Apache so he was quickly accepted as one of the homies. Plus, he was related to me. It was a firme day, puro oldies, rap and carne cooking on the grill.
As the sun began to set some of the older homies began packing up. They had their kids and ladies with them. They knew how rowdy it got on some nights. I didn’t trip. I had a brand new cuete ready to put a bullet into a chavala. Some of the homies were passing out beers and rolling joints when suddenly we saw two cars pull into the park. We knew exactly who it was.
 

MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
“Everybody stay trucha,” said Spider as he stood closest to the parking lot.
Eight vatos from VSL jumped out of their ranflas. Barely waiting for their cars to stop, Spider walked up to them.
“You want some pleito?” he asked as he swung and missed. Two vatos jumped on him as we all ran towards them. I ran straight towards Spider and punched one of the vatos right before he was going to kick him in the head. I felt metal at the side of my head and heard the click of a trigger being pulled back. I stopped fighting and stood up.
“Now you ain’t so bad chavala. I could kill you right now….punk.”
No one moved as everyone waited for the gun to blow my face to pieces. I felt my heart drop. I knew I was going to die. I thought of my mother and father. Everything went silent for me. It was like watching a silent film, a film of bit and pieces of my life. I could see my father telling me a story, I could see when Vince and I would ditch school. I could see my mother making breakfast and smiling as she sat with me. Then I could only feel the cold metal against my temple. I began to think of Vince and how he died. I wanted to yell ‘do it, do it if you got heart.’ Then in an instant I was no longer scared to die. Something in me wanted to die. Once, a veterano told me that a man that’s scared to die will never really live.
 

MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
“Pull the trigger, ese, if you got heart,” I said with hate in my voice. But I could see the weakness in his eyes. I glanced at Spider who was trying to get up. I could see blood running down his nose and mouth. I felt raging mad with anger, like I wanted to rip my chest open. I was so sick of everything. I saw the vato look toward his homeboys. They were all in shock, not knowing if he was going to do it or not. I could see fear in their eyes as the tension thickened. And in one quick second as he turned toward his homeboys, I grabbed the barrel. I aimed it up as we wrestled for the gun. He pulled the trigger as it shot into the air. My ears were ringing as I smelled burning gun powder. Punches were once again being thrown. Then another shot hit the light towering over. Pieces of glass came down on us. Darkness covered us with no moon in sight. His pistol dropped as I hit him in the face. He reached down to grab it, but I quickly kicked him with all of my strength. My shoe hit his nose as blood began pouring. I looked around and everybody was fighting. I could hear someone yelling that they had been stabbed. I turned around and saw Dragon holding his lower chest. Blood was coming out of his mouth as he fell on his knees.
 

MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
I stepped back and pulled out my cuete. The vato I had kicked was still trying to reach for his gun on the cement. I quickly pulled the hammer back and aimed. I felt like throwing up. I knew that I was going to destroy this man in a split second. I thought about my father and Villa. I wondered how Zapata felt when he shot his first Federal. Did he feel any remorse knowing the Federal was also a Mexican? Is this what my life was going to be? I felt angry at myself for feeling any kind of remorse for this vato. I snapped out of it as I heard the loud gun shot. I looked down and saw the vato staring at me in disbelief. He was holding his chest as blood poured out. I put the cuete into my pocket and ran to the other side of the fight. I could hear him yelling for help. I ran toward the restrooms and nervously cleaned my gun with my shirt. I could still hear the fighting as I emptied all of the bullets.
I tossed the gun into a nearby field. As I ran back I could see them carrying the vato into the car. My homeboys were running through the park carrying Dragon. Alfredo was standing next to my car looking for me.
“Where did you go, ese!” yelled Alfredo. He was the only person that knew I had a gun.
“I tossed the cuete in the field,” I said as I started up the car and peeled out. I headed straight for the freeway. I had to get as far away from this fight as possible. I didn’t say anything more to Alfredo. I lowered my window and let the cool night air in. I wondered if I had killed him. Was he begging for his life like Vince did? Why was I so concerned about this vato? I hated all them fools from VSL. It was something that had to be done. I did it for my barrio. I did it for Vince.
 

MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
CHAPTER 5
I figured I had gotten away from the shooting at the park. Nobody knew I had a cuete that night. Not even my own homeboys. They figured I had done it, but they never asked me. The vato I shot didn’t die, but he never told the pigs anything. The shooting was in the newspaper the next day. It said that there were no witnesses to the shooting. It was all over town that VSL wanted to kill me. They knew exactly who did the shooting. I knew that he wanted revenge himself. I didn’t care. Nothing mattered either way. I had shot him in the chest just missing his heart. To bad he didn’t die, I thought to myself. I wanted them punks to know how it felt. I wanted them to feel the pain I felt when Vince was killed. I wanted that punks familia to cry just like Vince’s familia cried. Let them know how it feels to lose a camarada.
I had a homeboy we called Crow who’d grown up with me since I was five. He was two years younger than me. He moved to Mexico right before all the trouble Vince and I got into. Because his abuelo was dying, his entire familia moved down there. His abuelo passed away a few months later. So Crow didn’t want to live in Mexico anymore. Big Ed told him to come back and live with him. He had no idea it had gotten this bad. He learned real quick.
 

MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
“I’m going to drop you off at Big Ed’s, ese. It was good to see you homie,” I said as I pulled into Big Ed’s driveway.
“Simon, bro. It feels good to be back in my town,” answered Crow. He was dark and heavyset with a small thin mustache. He was always the type of homie to do anything for you. He reminded me of Vince.
“I can’t believe Vince is gone,” he said. “I didn’t even know he got killed, man. I’m sorry, I know how tight you vatos were.”
“Yeah, but he’s gone now. I can’t be trippin’ on the past,” I said wanting to change the subject. I could feel my fists tighten as anger began building up inside me, like a volcano ready to erupt.
Crow noticed my uneasiness as he quickly changed the subject.
“Let’s kick it tomorrow vato. We’ll go play some pool or something,” said Crow as he shook my hand and stepped out of the car.
“Sounds firme,” I said as I nodded my head.
 

MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
I put the ranfla in reverse and pulled back into the street. As I was leaving and turning on my headlights I noticed something. I began to drive forward when I saw silhouettes in the dark. I was just a block away from Big Ed’s house. Then I saw a pistol flash as my back side window was shattered. Glass hit my face as I ducked. I didn’t know if more shots were going to be fired. Beer bottles were thrown as they hit my top and hood. I reached for a stick under my seat. Then I heard two more shots as Crow and Big Ed came running out of the house. This time it was Big Ed shooting. I turned toward the side street and hit the gas. I could see VSL vatos running. I wanted to run all of them over. Big Ed ran all the way down the street shooting.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! It pierced my ears. I noticed porch lights coming on and people looking out of their windows. I yelled to Big Ed. “Give me the cuete! The pigs are going to come. They’ll search your pad!”
Big Ed ran up quickly and handed me the gun. It was a small .380 semi-automatic. I hit the gas to a side street. I knew the cops were going to be coming. They knew that if shots were fired on that street, it had to be Big Ed. The only place I could think of was Angelina’s house, a jaina I had been seeing. If I could only make it to her house I would be ok.
 

MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
A few blocks away I pulled into her driveway on the side of her house. I grabbed the cuete and quickly ran to knock on her door. As I knocked I kept looking down the street nervously. Her mother answered the door. She looked at me with disgust as she called her daughter. She had never liked me. I just wanted her to hurry up, and finally, she walked over to the door. She stepped out and hugged me.
“Hi Loco. I missed you,” said Angelina very calm.
“I missed you too,” I said. “But check it out, I need a favor.”
“What? Is something wrong?” she asked now worried.
I pulled out the gun and handed it to her.
“You need to hide this,” I said.
“Huh, what’s going on Loco? I don’t know where to put this,” she said confused.
“Please, just do it. The cops are looking for me. If your down for me then you’ll hide it, NOW!” I said now more nervous than ever.
She didn’t know what to think. She put the gun by her side and quickly walked in. I stood outside just knowing the cops were going to find me here. Angelina walked back out after a few minutes.
 

MzLooNey

Tha LooNiest Bitch
May 8, 2002
319
0
16
43
“Ok now, tell me what happened?” she asked.
“Did you hide it good?” I asked.
“Yes, don’t you trust me?” she answered looking annoyed.
“I’m sorry. Don’t even trip, I didn’t kill nobody. Somebody just shot my window out, see,” I said pointing toward my car. Angelina was a firme girl. Most of the time she was the only one that would actually listen to me. She had long dark brown hair with loose curls. She had brown eyes, with the longest eyelashes I had ever seen. She had always reminded me of an Aztec princess because of her perfect light brown skin. I met her while out cruising one night with Vince. She was cruising in a car load of jainas. Vince pulled up next to them and yelled for them to pull over. As we all stepped out of the car, Vince pulled out a joint for them. The jainas were all giggling and flirting except Angelina. She just sat in the car, very quietly. She caught my eye when she glanced over to her homegirls. We locked eyes and I thought I had seen an angel. I looked at her homegirls with tattoos on them, hair combed out, with globs of lipstick and makeup. They were smoking weed and talking about fighting. Vince was enjoying himself. He liked the rough girls. I walked over to her and began talking to her. It was as if we had known each other all of our lives. She was out cruising only because her homegirls begged her to go. I couldn’t stop looking into her eyes. I knew that someday I would end up with her. I could feel it. But not right now. My life was too crazy for her. The last thing I wanted to do was to drag her into the hell I was in.
She gave me a hug and I didn’t want to let go.
“I get so worried about you, Joaquin.”
I didn’t know what to say. I loved my barrio and I would do whatever it took. I could never go back. It would never be the same for me, because it was no longer about a street or neighborhood. It was about a carnal dying. It was about pain. It was about revenge.
As I pulled away from her, two patrol cars pulled up behind my ranfla.