Before we go any further I want to say that this is a throwback to GOM days. The long ass post that you're about to read does NOT mean I care, am emotionally invested, etc.
Same.
For the record, not that it matters, I don't cheat when I'm in a relationship.
True, but the fact is these people chose not to talk about it (the ones who committed suicide) and now here we are.
Everyone who cheats is a piece of shit. They're participating in the destruction of someone else's relationship. Now granted the relationship could have already been destroyed but the other person, who is left in the dark, doesn't deserve the mistreatment and lies so yeah, if you cheat you're a piece of shit.
The act itself is being a piece of shit, or are you saying everyone who cheats is a piece of shit, always and forever?
Because we can go into multiple layers of this. There's the "I made a mistake and leaned from it" cheater, there's the "I cheat always no matter what" cheater and so on.
Of course there are the "my wife/husband is cheating on me therefore I'm going to cheat on her/him" situations as well, which aren't all that uncommon either.
There are a lot of different types of situations, some fucked up, some perhaps are more understanding.
I've had family and friends in both scenarios. Piece of shit. If you are unhappy there is no need to do ANYTHING on the "downlow." You go to the person and you communicate your needs like an adult. If there is no compromise then you let the person know your actions then and there. There should be no tip toeing around, walking on eggshells or any of that shit. Make your needs known, tell how the other persons actions are impacting the relationship, develop a go forward plan (whatever it may be) and then proceed with it.
Like I said, IDEALLY you should be able to talk to ur significant other about all of this, communication is essential in order to maintain a strong and healthy relationship. Of course I'm not advocating cheating here, and I would always say you gotta communicate whatever problems there are. But again this is some broad stroke here, labeling ever case as one in the same, and that's just not reality.
You can have cases where a woman is essentially blackmailed into staying married with a mentally and/or physically abusive husband where communicating is not an option, nor is simply leaving. Especially in the case of a house wife who has no financial security of their own and is controlled by the husband. We can get into some really fucked up examples here where the woman (in most cases) is essentially trapped and sees no escape. So she goes off and has an affair on the DL to escape the hell she lives in. Piece of shit? Not in my book.
So in other words a person shouldn't stick by their words? If you don't put stock in it why do it in the first place? What you're saying is no different from a cop who takes an oath and then murders a civilian who had his hands up.
No, sticking to your word is cool and it is important, but it's not some "you're going to hell if you break it"! type deal here, that's all I'm saying. Things change.
There are lots of reasons why people get married. Pressure from family, legal reasons, the feeling that it's the "right thing to do" and that it's expected out of you (get a job, get married, have a family, die), pressure from the other person, financial security, arranged marriages, etc. It's not always a fairy tale and it's not always about love.
There are plenty of atheist who have taken marriage vows and it means the world to them. What is your point? That all marriage vows are rooted in religious beliefs?
In some cases this is the truth but in other cases it isn't. Not all societies operate in a patriarchal manner. But yes, cheating is cheating regardless if you're married or not and what does it boil down to? Someone not getting their needs met or not communicating or dropping the ball when it comes to their intrinsic values.
The vows are rooted in religioun, yes.
And pregnancies and significant others that may go the violent route if they find out.
If you say, "we're a team we're going to build together" or "I'm with you and it's me and you against the world" or whatever the fuck, then you need to stick by that. Now granted, over time, things may become stale if that spark is not kept alive and people are going to look, but COMMUNICATION needs to happen. I'm perfectly fine with people having sex outside of their relationship IF both parties are in agreement. It's not just a moral issue but an emotional issue as well and that's what you're failing to grasp here.
I agree, in those basic examples of two people falling in love and getting married that's exactly what you're going to want to do - communication, work it out, fight to save the marriage, etc. Not everything is so simple though. We've already seen in this thread cases of women being sold to men, I've talked about women trapped in abusive relationships and we can go on and on of various examples of people. It's just too simplistic to say everyone who cheats is a POS.
It's not about having sex while you're married, you already said cheating and open relationships are different things. We're talking about CHEATING. I can't think of any time period or culture that endorsed CHEATING. Open relationships, polyamory, bigamy, polygamy, etc are one thing. That happens. Cheating? In most societies and time periods it's shunned on.
We're talking about cheating, comrade. A man is going to look and a woman is going to look. It happens, the problem stems from acting on it and leaving the other person emotionally vulnerable or in the dark. That's the problem here.
Yeah I know, I was just going off in my own direction there for a minute, just talking about sex in general and the restraints we tend to put ourselves based on whatever society we are in.
Basically what I'm saying here is that it's not so black and white and there are a lot of variables at play.