R.I.P Dad
- Thread starter caff
- Start date
What's happenin', Caff? Hey man...I'll try to keep this short, but bare with me...
I lost my grandmother about 4 months ago, Nov. 6. She, to me, was my mother and father, because I didn't have either. She raised me from the time I was a baby, and was always there for me, no matter what I did or didn't do. She was like all I could ask for, in terms of a parent, ya dig? My basketball games, through high school, she was there. She would work her ass off to provide for me, and she'd keep the refridgerator stocked at all times for all of my friends (LOL). At my graduation, all the guys in the class asked her if she'd be our guest speaker...she was just that special.
Well, when I lost her, it was a tough time. She had 3 massive heart attacks in 2 weeks. We thought she'd pull through, after the last one; she seemed to be doing well, but I guess it wasn't so.
The night she passed, my wife and I, and my children, were able to visit her. The hospital is 45 minutes away, and by some miracle (LOL), my schedule was shifted around so I got out early that day. Plus, she had just been moved to a 'normal' room, out of ICU, so my kids could visit her in there, too. We spent hours with her, talking and laughing, having a good time. She made some comments, like "I think if it's my time, I'm ready to go..." and "I'm not afraid of death anymore.", that made me think she knew it was coming.
We left about 9-10 ,and she passed at 2 am. I had old friends who lived 8-9 hours away who drove up here to be at her service. She was that special to them. It wasn't so much for me, it was more for her, and I appreciated that.
It was tough to sit through her service, and see pictures, and hear the music...to see her laying there...it wasn't 'real', you know? But the worst part was listening to the pastor, or whatever he was, trying to stumble through speaking about her like he knew her. LOL. Wow...I almost threw him through the window. I was kind of...dazed, I guess, through most of it, and when the pastor asked if someone would like to speak about her, I hated myself for not having the guts at the time to get up there and speak. I couldn't. Then my 2 best friends, who are like brothers to me, took turns speaking about her, sharing stories and memories, and I don't know how, but I somehow got up and spoke, too. I didn't really feel like I was speaking to anyone but her, and that was fine. She understood.
Putting her in the ground was all bad...the weather sucked, it was so windy and cold, and started to rain slightly. I didn't want to leave, either. I wanted to kiss her one last time, hug her, laugh with her, joke with her...everything we used to do, but didn't get to do ''one last time''...because no matter what you do at the end, you always want ''one more time''.
I think about her every day. I speak to her every day. I ask her for guidance every day. I pray to her every day. It'll always be like that.
I don't believe it ever gets 'easier', but I do believe we get stronger as time goes on. I've learned that it's ok to cry; she deserved it, and I know your father deserved it, too. The way you spoke about him on here showed me the love and respect you have for him. He was obviously special to you, and that should be honored and respected. Go ahead and cry, but also smile, because he's smiling down at you. He's proud of you, and do believe that he's going to be with you for the rest of your life.
God bless you and your family, from the bottom of my heart. Stay strong, stay positive, and stay proud of your father; he was a warrior.
With respect.
I lost my grandmother about 4 months ago, Nov. 6. She, to me, was my mother and father, because I didn't have either. She raised me from the time I was a baby, and was always there for me, no matter what I did or didn't do. She was like all I could ask for, in terms of a parent, ya dig? My basketball games, through high school, she was there. She would work her ass off to provide for me, and she'd keep the refridgerator stocked at all times for all of my friends (LOL). At my graduation, all the guys in the class asked her if she'd be our guest speaker...she was just that special.
Well, when I lost her, it was a tough time. She had 3 massive heart attacks in 2 weeks. We thought she'd pull through, after the last one; she seemed to be doing well, but I guess it wasn't so.
The night she passed, my wife and I, and my children, were able to visit her. The hospital is 45 minutes away, and by some miracle (LOL), my schedule was shifted around so I got out early that day. Plus, she had just been moved to a 'normal' room, out of ICU, so my kids could visit her in there, too. We spent hours with her, talking and laughing, having a good time. She made some comments, like "I think if it's my time, I'm ready to go..." and "I'm not afraid of death anymore.", that made me think she knew it was coming.
We left about 9-10 ,and she passed at 2 am. I had old friends who lived 8-9 hours away who drove up here to be at her service. She was that special to them. It wasn't so much for me, it was more for her, and I appreciated that.
It was tough to sit through her service, and see pictures, and hear the music...to see her laying there...it wasn't 'real', you know? But the worst part was listening to the pastor, or whatever he was, trying to stumble through speaking about her like he knew her. LOL. Wow...I almost threw him through the window. I was kind of...dazed, I guess, through most of it, and when the pastor asked if someone would like to speak about her, I hated myself for not having the guts at the time to get up there and speak. I couldn't. Then my 2 best friends, who are like brothers to me, took turns speaking about her, sharing stories and memories, and I don't know how, but I somehow got up and spoke, too. I didn't really feel like I was speaking to anyone but her, and that was fine. She understood.
Putting her in the ground was all bad...the weather sucked, it was so windy and cold, and started to rain slightly. I didn't want to leave, either. I wanted to kiss her one last time, hug her, laugh with her, joke with her...everything we used to do, but didn't get to do ''one last time''...because no matter what you do at the end, you always want ''one more time''.
I think about her every day. I speak to her every day. I ask her for guidance every day. I pray to her every day. It'll always be like that.
I don't believe it ever gets 'easier', but I do believe we get stronger as time goes on. I've learned that it's ok to cry; she deserved it, and I know your father deserved it, too. The way you spoke about him on here showed me the love and respect you have for him. He was obviously special to you, and that should be honored and respected. Go ahead and cry, but also smile, because he's smiling down at you. He's proud of you, and do believe that he's going to be with you for the rest of your life.
God bless you and your family, from the bottom of my heart. Stay strong, stay positive, and stay proud of your father; he was a warrior.
With respect.
