Ok... I just listened to it again.
Your verse isn't really that bad. I feel like you rap with a higher voice than you probably speak with. It's kinda like Twiztid.
But ya know what? I dig the flow, and it's going to be hard to get compliments with this beat in particular, because it uses the BOOM-BOOM-CLAP that a lot of Tech fans get hyped to.
I fuckin' jumped the gun saying "no". It's really not that bad, man. You're definitely improving over some of the older shit I've heard. As I remember, I thought you were ok then, too.
My bad.
Oh... I also favorite/liked your vid on the Youtubes. I think that helps you little whippersnappers these days.