The 2 problems that comes to mind when I read back threw this is that 1. I cling after a while, and 2. I can't trust. This is a problem that is on going. I think it stems from my marriage. See that was the first "relationship" I'd ever been in, and when all that stuff happened a year ago this month when she left, It down right scared the crap out of me. I am hella scared of that happening again and any girl I try to get serious gets the reprocussions of it. I am not controlling tho. I don't get jealous. I do get worrysome and anxious when I don't know where my girl is or what she's doing or if she's ok. I am a protector, (aka a captain save em all dam day) I have always been that. That could possibly stem from my moms who when I was growing up, always found security and such from me. I think when I see a woman who needs help, I'm attracted to it because I like to be clung to and depended on. It made me feel good as a kid to have my mom be like that to an extent. I know now that it wasn't good for me cuz I can't stand not being able to help or "protect" a woman when she is in distress. I don't mean with money either, but doing your half and sharing the load is what my mom taught me at a young age. I am the oldest of 10 kids (some half, some step) and all my bros and sisses depended on me too. Call me crazy, but I like that feeling. It makes me feel like I'm something at least, and possibly SUPER. I got issues, who don't? One of my biggest fears in the scheme of things is dying alone. I am a lonely guy, so what if I "have text" to keep me out of trouble? It keeps me in the house. One thing I have learned tho from yall (and I thank you for opening my eyes to it) is that it does take up so much time, and that is time I should be spending with my son. That is one thing that Angel taught me in an indirect way, your kids or you may not be here tomorrow and that you have to spend every bit you can with them. My son is honestly all I got and regardless of what yall say, I love him. He loves me and he is the one person in this world that I know does no matter what. So to REDRUM and all the rest of you that talked big shyt about me not being a good father, you are right, and I thank you. I think I will go see a counselor soon and get these issues I have when dealing with women worked out because honestly, I'm better than this. I really am a decent guy peeps. When is the next siccness bbq? I'll come and introduce myself so yall can see me in person and laugh if you want to. Hell, I am at all of this. Having Angel see this was messed up, she shouldn't have because she doesn't need this right now, but it helped me in the fact that seeing all of this helps me see that I am being a supersimp, that gets hurt too dam easily. NO DOUBT. I'm gonna learn from my stupidity and stop this behavior. Thanks to all even if you clowned me because whether you believe it or not, I read the stuff and am going to listen this time. I'm tired of feeling this way, and I'm sure as hell tired of living this way. Tomorrow is going to be a new day for me. It will not start out with me speeding through town to get home and get online to have text. I promise you.
