$2000.00 a month and free room & board. I'm also supplied with eight twelve packs of 16oz High Lifes, a half gallon a Jameson's, and a half ounce of potent marijuana per month as my handlers find that I am most effective at distracting people from the major issues they should actually be aware of and care about while I'm intoxicated; e.g. my threads and posts on the Siccness.
I'm what they call a "message board specialist" and I'm regarded quite highly in my field among my peers.