Try not to take this the wrong way, like I'm not trying to talk down on you or anything, do you possibly have Asperger's or something? I mean from what I can tell from what you post you seem to have 0 social skills and an extremely hard time connecting with people on any sort of social level.
I'm honestly curious if you've ever looked into it. I honestly don't think I've ever met someone who is as isolated from their peers, and it seems practically everyone else, as you come off being from your posts.