There I was in the middle of the night driving around with two knuckleheads not knowing if I will wake up in jail, or worse yet not have the good fortune to wake up in jail. We were on the prowl for one of the most dangerous people I have ever known so there was a possibility I would not see the next day. I am sure there are a lot more dangerous individuals out there than Wayne but I don't know those hard hitters or what they are capable of but I do know Wayne, and I am not afraid to admit that I was afraid of him.
Like I have mentioned before, I never belonged in the life I was in. I knew how to walk the straight path, that is the path my mother taught me. I lived with nagging guilt about my lifestyle and what I was doing. Whereas most of the people I encountered in the life were comfortable with the things they did. I never was comfortable. I was ashamed, but I lived with the shame because of the 900-pound gorilla on my back.
It has been a long time since I have been clean from dope but not a day goes by that I am not thankful and amazed that I was granted grace to leave the life behind. I was positive that I would die a junkie . . . positive.
We stopped for a bottle before the state store closed for the night and I took dog when we got back in the car. We headed for Scranton to see if Wayne could be found at a bar where I knew he liked to sell dope.
As soon as we exited the highway, we pulled up next to a cop idling in the left lane waiting for the green light.
Kevin who had taken the shotgun position back at the state store made a critical error.
Listen, when you are holding and you pull up next to a cop you have to fight through being nervous . . . you have to be cool and do what you would normally do; look over. That's what cops expect people to do, I don't know exactly why, but that is what people do, it is just normal human reaction, if it is a cop or not.
So when you roll up on a cop and you sit there staring straight ahead and he does the normal movement of glancing over and he sees someone sitting like a stone, his cop instincts kick in and the next thing that will happen is you will be instantly under his suspicion.
Danny knew what to do but Kevin sat there like a fuckin gargoyle staring through the windshield. When the light turned green Danny glanced back at me, I said: "just fuckin do it! Get outta dodge!"
He pulled a louie in front of the car next to us in the turning lane and just missed a car making a right from the other intersection. We were off the city street and back on the interstate headed north before Kevin was able to right himself in his seat.
Danny exited the interstate at the next exit to avoid detection from the state police. Local cops are rather inept in these small towns and cities but the staties have resources and experience the local cop's lack. The first thing that cop would do was alert the state police with a description of our car. We ended up traveling a lonesome stretch of state route outside of Great Bend up near the New York border.
Fixing in the backseat of a car at night is not easy to do, and apparently I mixed a rather hot load because I woke up in a creek with Danny and Kevin nearly fucking drowning me with frantic looks on their faces.
"All right, all right, im cool!"
"Ok we gotta go then B, we gotta get this car in a barn or something"
"yea, give me a minute"
As I sat there on the creek bank, a train with four engines was approaching. Behind me was a beautiful mountain range. Across the creek and beyond the tracks was a picturesque rolling valley that the moonlight was illuminating a bluish-green. I thought that this looked to be a fine place for someone to die.
I thought about getting to my feet and getting back to the car a few times, but I didn't move . . . I was watching that train getting closer. I thought about how sweet it would be to relieve myself from this misery I was living. I wanted to bolt across that creek and meet those engines on the tracks so they could release me into this beautiful space. As those engines got closer I could feel their vibration through the soles of my boots. It made my legs quiver uncontrollably and when I put my arms behind me to push myself up, I felt the vibration in my hands and my arms began to shake involuntarily as well.
When the engines were only a couple hundred yards away, I knew it was now or never if I was going to do this thing. It must have appeared as if my limbs were made of rubber the way I was quaking. I made a final attempt to steady myself and pushed my self to my feet.
to be continued
Like I have mentioned before, I never belonged in the life I was in. I knew how to walk the straight path, that is the path my mother taught me. I lived with nagging guilt about my lifestyle and what I was doing. Whereas most of the people I encountered in the life were comfortable with the things they did. I never was comfortable. I was ashamed, but I lived with the shame because of the 900-pound gorilla on my back.
It has been a long time since I have been clean from dope but not a day goes by that I am not thankful and amazed that I was granted grace to leave the life behind. I was positive that I would die a junkie . . . positive.
We stopped for a bottle before the state store closed for the night and I took dog when we got back in the car. We headed for Scranton to see if Wayne could be found at a bar where I knew he liked to sell dope.
As soon as we exited the highway, we pulled up next to a cop idling in the left lane waiting for the green light.
Kevin who had taken the shotgun position back at the state store made a critical error.
Listen, when you are holding and you pull up next to a cop you have to fight through being nervous . . . you have to be cool and do what you would normally do; look over. That's what cops expect people to do, I don't know exactly why, but that is what people do, it is just normal human reaction, if it is a cop or not.
So when you roll up on a cop and you sit there staring straight ahead and he does the normal movement of glancing over and he sees someone sitting like a stone, his cop instincts kick in and the next thing that will happen is you will be instantly under his suspicion.
Danny knew what to do but Kevin sat there like a fuckin gargoyle staring through the windshield. When the light turned green Danny glanced back at me, I said: "just fuckin do it! Get outta dodge!"
He pulled a louie in front of the car next to us in the turning lane and just missed a car making a right from the other intersection. We were off the city street and back on the interstate headed north before Kevin was able to right himself in his seat.
Danny exited the interstate at the next exit to avoid detection from the state police. Local cops are rather inept in these small towns and cities but the staties have resources and experience the local cop's lack. The first thing that cop would do was alert the state police with a description of our car. We ended up traveling a lonesome stretch of state route outside of Great Bend up near the New York border.
Fixing in the backseat of a car at night is not easy to do, and apparently I mixed a rather hot load because I woke up in a creek with Danny and Kevin nearly fucking drowning me with frantic looks on their faces.
"All right, all right, im cool!"
"Ok we gotta go then B, we gotta get this car in a barn or something"
"yea, give me a minute"
As I sat there on the creek bank, a train with four engines was approaching. Behind me was a beautiful mountain range. Across the creek and beyond the tracks was a picturesque rolling valley that the moonlight was illuminating a bluish-green. I thought that this looked to be a fine place for someone to die.
I thought about getting to my feet and getting back to the car a few times, but I didn't move . . . I was watching that train getting closer. I thought about how sweet it would be to relieve myself from this misery I was living. I wanted to bolt across that creek and meet those engines on the tracks so they could release me into this beautiful space. As those engines got closer I could feel their vibration through the soles of my boots. It made my legs quiver uncontrollably and when I put my arms behind me to push myself up, I felt the vibration in my hands and my arms began to shake involuntarily as well.
When the engines were only a couple hundred yards away, I knew it was now or never if I was going to do this thing. It must have appeared as if my limbs were made of rubber the way I was quaking. I made a final attempt to steady myself and pushed my self to my feet.
to be continued
