Before we go any further I want to say that this is a throwback to GOM days. The long ass post that you're about to read does NOT mean I care, am emotionally invested, etc.
I know cheating and an open relationship are different things, that's why I said ideally if you want to sleep with other people you can talk to ur spouse about it or be in an open relationship.
True, but the fact is these people chose not to talk about it (the ones who committed suicide) and now here we are.
My point is more about this wide generalization that everyone who cheats is a piece of shit because every case can be different, each person and scenario is different.
Everyone who cheats is a piece of shit. They're participating in the destruction of someone else's relationship. Now granted the relationship could have already been destroyed but the other person, who is left in the dark, doesn't deserve the mistreatment and lies so yeah, if you cheat you're a piece of shit.
I mean if, say for argument, a good friend of mine is in a shitty marriage, but maybe they are staying together because of family or kids or whatever the case may be, whatever it is they just aren't in love anymore. So if this friend is unhappy and is sleeping around on the down low, I'm not going to think he's a piece of shit. I'll just think to myself he's in a tough spot in his life and hope for the best.
I've had family and friends in both scenarios. Piece of shit. If you are unhappy there is no need to do ANYTHING on the "downlow." You go to the person and you communicate your needs like an adult. If there is no compromise then you let the person know your actions then and there. There should be no tip toeing around, walking on eggshells or any of that shit. Make your needs known, tell how the other persons actions are impacting the relationship, develop a go forward plan (whatever it may be) and then proceed with it.
It also boils down to how much stock you put into those "marriage vows", to me that doesn't mean shit, just some words and legal documents.
So in other words a person shouldn't stick by their words? If you don't put stock in it why do it in the first place? What you're saying is no different from a cop who takes an oath and then murders a civilian who had his hands up.
Now if you're a religious person and those vows mean something to you, then surely it's going to be more important. To each his own.
There are plenty of atheist who have taken marriage vows and it means the world to them. What is your point? That all marriage vows are rooted in religious beliefs?
To me marriage is some old outdated practice that's entire purpose was to show ownership of the woman, a form of oppression. But that's really irrelevant since cheating is cheating regardless if you're married or not.
In some cases this is the truth but in other cases it isn't. Not all societies operate in a patriarchal manner. But yes, cheating is cheating regardless if you're married or not and what does it boil down to? Someone not getting their needs met or not communicating or dropping the ball when it comes to their intrinsic values.
My whole thing about this is you're risking getting your spouse STDs if you're fucking around and not being careful and still fucking your spouse.
And pregnancies and significant others that may go the violent route if they find out.
That to me is the fucked up part and is what prevents me from ever wanting to do that personally, but not so much for any moral reason. I think fucking is just fucking and it's really not as horrible as society makes it out to be, I don't see any reason why someone can't love their spouse with all of their heart and not get something on the side once in a while.
If you say, "we're a team we're going to build together" or "I'm with you and it's me and you against the world" or whatever the fuck, then you need to stick by that. Now granted, over time, things may become stale if that spark is not kept alive and people are going to look, but COMMUNICATION needs to happen. I'm perfectly fine with people having sex outside of their relationship IF both parties are in agreement. It's not just a moral issue but an
emotional issue as well and that's what you're failing to grasp here.
I guess it just depends on the time and place you live. In other societies in other times having sex with other people while being married was very common practice and considered the norm, there wasn't anything wrong with it at all!
It's not about having sex while you're married, you already said cheating and open relationships are different things. We're talking about CHEATING. I can't think of any time period or culture that endorsed CHEATING. Open relationships, polyamory, bigamy, polygamy, etc are one thing. That happens. Cheating? In most societies and time periods it's shunned on.
As men I'm sure we've all had cases where we've been in love with the girl we're with, but at the same time see some fine ass chick whether it be on TV, the internet or in person and think to ourselves "damn I'd love to hit that!" but that's is far as it goes because doing anything further is "wrong" but honestly would it mean we don't love our girlfriends or wives just because we have natural instincts to desire sex with an attractive woman?
We're talking about cheating, comrade. A man is going to look and a woman is going to look. It happens, the problem stems from acting on it and leaving the other person emotionally vulnerable or in the dark. That's the problem here.
Of course not. But if we lived in a different society where having sex freely was common place I'm sure we all would if given the chance.
see above.