anti-jokes thread

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M BUTCHER 206

M BUTCHER 206

Banned
#1
Aug 24, 2003
6,091
131
0
#1
post anti jokes





A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, why the long face? He tells the bartender he is a raging alcoholic and it is destroying his family.


Two attractive blonde women walk into a bar. They sit down and order drinks, laugh and have a good time, and make it home safely.


A black, a mexican, and a white guy are in a car. Who's driving?
The white guy, who is the commercial certified limosine driver.


How do you get a blonde to sleep with you?
Take her out on dates and treat her with respect. If she is really into you and you have good chemistry then around the fifth date ask her politely.




go
 
0R0

0R0

Girbaud Shuttle Jeans
#7
Dec 10, 2006
15,436
20,286
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BasedWorld
#7
A white woman is out jogging when she gets lost near the projects. A group of black guys approach her, she asks for directions and they tell her how to get back into town... and proceed to gangrape her. Wait... I think I did it wrong.
 
Sketchy B

Sketchy B

Sicc OG
#8
Feb 1, 2006
1,187
4
0
#8
vladimir lenin, ronald reagan, and napoleon boneparte were in an airplane over the middle of the ocean and the engine died, and there was only one parachute. Lenin says, wtf we're already dead.
 
Assassinator

Assassinator

Sicc OG
#9
Mar 4, 2009
481
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#9
You might be a redneck if... Northern city-dwellers mock your isolated rural heritage, and utilize stereotypes referencing your supposed appetite for fornication with family relations, and your almost simian intelligence to further demean you.
 
Assassinator

Assassinator

Sicc OG
#10
Mar 4, 2009
481
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#10
A husband comes home early from work and catches his wife in bed with the mailman. Before they detect him, he sneaks back into the hall, finds the mail bag, steams open the letters, inserts coupons from his rug-cleaning business, and seals them tight.

"Ha ha ha," he snickers, "that lazy mailman who is shirking his duties works for me now!"
 
kingsix18

kingsix18

Sicc OG
#11
Oct 19, 2008
2,034
384
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San Diego
#11
What did the mice say to the elephant?
Nothing. Mice can't talk.



What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
One is an edible substance and the other is a person who believes in Judaism.



Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.



A little boy is going to school when he is stopped by a stranger.

The stranger tells the little boy, when his teacher asks him why he is late, just say Willytop.

The boy looks at the stranger oddly, but proceeds to go to school.

He arrives 5 minutes late, and is teacher isn't that happy. His teacher asks him why he is late. All the boy says is Willytop. The teacher looks at him horrified, and sends him to the office.

Well, the boy arrives in the principals office, and the principal asks him why he was sent down. All the boy said was Willytop. The Principal was so horrified that he expelled the boy from school.

Well, the boy went home to find his parents in the living room. They told the boy they knew he was expelled, but they wanted to know why. All the boy said was Willytop. The parents were so horrified by this that they kicked him out of the house.

Well, the boy is now walking to dark town streets, when he is stopped by a cop. The cop asks him why he is walking the streets alone. All the boy says is Willytop. The cop is so disgusted, that he kicks the boy out of town.

Well, the boy is now sitting in a bar, and the bartender asks him why he is alone. All the boy said was Willytop. The bartender looked at him horrified, but before the bartender could say anything, the boy says "Please sir, I was kicked out of school, my house and even my hometown because of Willytop. What does it mean sir?" The bartender nods, and tells the boy to come with him across the street, because if he tells him in the bar, the other people may get mad.

Well, the boy and the bartender are across the street from the bar. The bartender opens his mouth, but before he could speak, a drunk driver hits them both.
 
SouthernComfort

SouthernComfort

Rest In Peace
#13
Jan 18, 2008
7,756
2,745
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Rip City
#13
Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.
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A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
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Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
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What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.
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Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
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How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
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Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
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Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'
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What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Being raped.
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Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
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Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest
 
kingsix18

kingsix18

Sicc OG
#14
Oct 19, 2008
2,034
384
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San Diego
#14
So a guy goes to see his doctor, and the doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating." And the guy's like, "What, why?"

The doctor replies, "So I can examine you."
 
M BUTCHER 206

M BUTCHER 206

Banned
#15
Aug 24, 2003
6,091
131
0
#15
SouthernComfort said:
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Click to expand...
man.. i laughed for two minutes straight on that one and am still giggling like a little girl when i think about it.. thanks

lol thanks everyone these are hilarious
 
marty50

marty50

Sicc OG
#16
Jul 6, 2008
2,157
2
0
44
#16
they have some of the dryest sports jokes in the chronicles sporting green section page 2. fuckin awful.

so this prostitute goes up to the judge and tells him "i'm an indian". the judge says "what type of indian, like apache?". she says "no you honor, im a navajo".
 
M BUTCHER 206

M BUTCHER 206

Banned
#20
Aug 24, 2003
6,091
131
0
#20
wait a second... how did you put two posts in between the post that i made? or did i just not see it.. im high as shit, i thought your first post was the only one, but anyway, that was a pretty funny joke so ill prop it, but its not an anti joke

antijoke would be like
why dont the raiders have their own website?
"because their inability to win games has created a very turbulent business environment for team management, who have decided to find ways to cut costs to reduce the amount of profit lost."
 
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