Nothing funny at all about having your house broken into, regardless if they stole anything or not, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh out loud at "...and pissed on her sweater"
Yeah my friend who sent me that drinks a whole lot and I wanted to say "Are you sure it wasn't just you while blacked out?" because I know his girl has been at her mom's with their newborn a lot lately and more or less whenever she is he's getting drunk lol.
Weekdays I'll probably be around until 9pm, at the earliest 7pm...I'd say give them a call early next week, I'm not 100% what days I'm working next week yet.