embarrassing story thread
- Thread starter CHRISHOGGALYPSE
- Start date
I would usually burn once per year then be good after that. That time at the water slide park happened to be May 25th and it was already really hot that year AND the first time I ever shaved my head, bad combo.
My wife uses this Australian Gold tanning oil that's like SPF 30. I started wearing that crap when I mowed the lawn to get rid of farmer's tan this year and I never burned or peeled. Usually I peel within 2 weeks of being out in the sun for awhile, no matter what. But that oil probably causes cancer too knowing my luck.
My wife uses this Australian Gold tanning oil that's like SPF 30. I started wearing that crap when I mowed the lawn to get rid of farmer's tan this year and I never burned or peeled. Usually I peel within 2 weeks of being out in the sun for awhile, no matter what. But that oil probably causes cancer too knowing my luck.
Props:
S.SAVAGE and S.SAVAGE
Ok, here is a story from my first trip to Asia back in 2004. I stayed in a smaller town in Taiwan because of my work. Everyday spend the day in a factory and at night go out with my supplier and the factory boss for dinner. I was about to leave two days later. Went out for some food and beers. When I got back to the hotel I kinda felt ok. Was watching a bit of TV when I needed to fart. Was sitting on the bed, lifted my butt cheek to let the air out and boom, shat on the bed through my pants. Spend the whole night shitting and cleaning the bed.
Next day I told my supplier I was sick and they stopped at a shop and bought some medicine. I still felt pretty bad. Drove back to Taipei as I had to take my flight back to Germany the next day. They took me to a hotel. I didn't really pay attention to the three girls at the check in. Nor to the big bathtub behind a glass wall in my room. The weird fitness machine next to my bed also didn't grab my attention as I was still feeling bad.
But when my supplier turned on the TV and switched to some porn channels I was feeling a bit strange, but hey, new country, no idea what's the standard here. Anyway, I told them politely to leave because I'm still sick.
The next morning they ask if anybody knocked on my door at night. I asked why, then they told me it was a hotel you normally just spend and hour or two. Then I realized I was in one big fuckin porn hotel. The fitness machine next to my bed was some fuckin machine and the girls at the check in prolly some whores. lol
I know, not that embarrassing, but it was my first taste of Taiwan/Asia...
Next day I told my supplier I was sick and they stopped at a shop and bought some medicine. I still felt pretty bad. Drove back to Taipei as I had to take my flight back to Germany the next day. They took me to a hotel. I didn't really pay attention to the three girls at the check in. Nor to the big bathtub behind a glass wall in my room. The weird fitness machine next to my bed also didn't grab my attention as I was still feeling bad.
But when my supplier turned on the TV and switched to some porn channels I was feeling a bit strange, but hey, new country, no idea what's the standard here. Anyway, I told them politely to leave because I'm still sick.
The next morning they ask if anybody knocked on my door at night. I asked why, then they told me it was a hotel you normally just spend and hour or two. Then I realized I was in one big fuckin porn hotel. The fitness machine next to my bed was some fuckin machine and the girls at the check in prolly some whores. lol
I know, not that embarrassing, but it was my first taste of Taiwan/Asia...
Since this is about shitting in the wrong places,
I went up to my parent's new undeveloped property and had to take a shit but they only had a porta potty. So I was drunk and it was raining and I had to stumble down this shitty cabin stairs and fumble my way out to the portapotty. I basically shit all over the closed lid because it was so dark and raining and I couldn't find the door latches in time to lift the lid and prevent a mass sharting. My dad got up first thing in the morning and made my youngest brother clean it up. I had 3 brothers there but that morning my dad was saying how someone shit all over the portapotty, and I didn't cop to it right away but had to apologize to my youngest brother and other bros later admitting my shitstake.
I went up to my parent's new undeveloped property and had to take a shit but they only had a porta potty. So I was drunk and it was raining and I had to stumble down this shitty cabin stairs and fumble my way out to the portapotty. I basically shit all over the closed lid because it was so dark and raining and I couldn't find the door latches in time to lift the lid and prevent a mass sharting. My dad got up first thing in the morning and made my youngest brother clean it up. I had 3 brothers there but that morning my dad was saying how someone shit all over the portapotty, and I didn't cop to it right away but had to apologize to my youngest brother and other bros later admitting my shitstake.
A few weeks ago, it was my pops wedding day to this beezy my brother & I don't like. My belly was all fucked up the whole day. Before I was about to get ready, I was laying on my bed & tried to slip one out. You'd think I woulda learned but naaaahhhhhh... I pooped myself again. It wasnt a hard turd log, but had a little more substance than a shart.
The older I get, the more my belly hates me.
The older I get, the more my belly hates me.
@BIGCHILL
[Tommy James] don't gotta wonder no more (@:20 seconds in) if she shits in bed.now we all know lol
Oh! I got one. I recently caught the stomach flu that has been floating around Austin. I got diarrhea as a consequence from it of course. That shit grabbed me by the balls! I was in bed for 6 hours that day. This was more than 2 weeks ago back. Other than that I was too sick to remember the specific date.
Years ago, before I even thought of becoming a mortician I was at a friend's service. Everybody walked outside the funeral home as they were pushing the casket out to load into the hearse.
Ironically, one of my friend's was the owner of the funeral home. Well, his parents were. Anyhow, a few of us walked out on to a grass area about 6 to 8 feet from the hearse. All of a sudden I smell shit, so I start looking around like, wtf? And low and behold I stepped in what looked to be a large dog shit. Yeah, almost human size.
I mean the shit was black on the outside & I guess from being in the sun, it had oxidized, but the inside was a peanut butter color and extra creamy on my shoe. Stunk to high heaven (no pun intended.) I was having a very hard time trying to clean it off.
By this time the casket is starting to be rolled out the door & I lean over to one of my friend's (who's parents owned the funeral home) & I whispered, "Jimmy." He leans in & I say, "I just stepped on dog shit." He looks down & immediately holds back from laughing out loud. His lips curled & he started getting red. The rest of the guys look over & I lift my foot showing them what happened & they all start to cover their faces to hide their laugh.
I, at this point starting busting up out loud but quickly covered my face like I was crying. My friends doing the same & I'm having a hard time trying to stop. I was shaking from how hard I was laughing. All of a sudden I feel a hand over my right shoulder trying to comfort me. I glance over & it's a family member to which I'm trying extra hard to get serious quick at this point. To no avail, so I easily walked away further.
Once the casket was loaded & left for the church I cleaned my shoe on the grass & used the restroom to use soap & a bunch of paper towels to get my shoe clean.
Needless to say, I had that smell stuck in my nose the whole time after.
Ironically, one of my friend's was the owner of the funeral home. Well, his parents were. Anyhow, a few of us walked out on to a grass area about 6 to 8 feet from the hearse. All of a sudden I smell shit, so I start looking around like, wtf? And low and behold I stepped in what looked to be a large dog shit. Yeah, almost human size.
I mean the shit was black on the outside & I guess from being in the sun, it had oxidized, but the inside was a peanut butter color and extra creamy on my shoe. Stunk to high heaven (no pun intended.) I was having a very hard time trying to clean it off.
By this time the casket is starting to be rolled out the door & I lean over to one of my friend's (who's parents owned the funeral home) & I whispered, "Jimmy." He leans in & I say, "I just stepped on dog shit." He looks down & immediately holds back from laughing out loud. His lips curled & he started getting red. The rest of the guys look over & I lift my foot showing them what happened & they all start to cover their faces to hide their laugh.
I, at this point starting busting up out loud but quickly covered my face like I was crying. My friends doing the same & I'm having a hard time trying to stop. I was shaking from how hard I was laughing. All of a sudden I feel a hand over my right shoulder trying to comfort me. I glance over & it's a family member to which I'm trying extra hard to get serious quick at this point. To no avail, so I easily walked away further.
Once the casket was loaded & left for the church I cleaned my shoe on the grass & used the restroom to use soap & a bunch of paper towels to get my shoe clean.
Needless to say, I had that smell stuck in my nose the whole time after.
All these shit stories reminds me of an embarrassing time I had to take a shit so bad I wound up in the ladies restroom at a busy restaurant driving to Reno. I didn’t even realize there weren’t any urinals as I rushed to a stall. As I was handling my business I hear a click clackin come in the restroom to the stall next to me and I kid you not this fucked off my high. It was a straight up high heel! More women started coming in and I was freaked out! It was a decent sized restroom with about 4 stalls and i happened to take the handicap one so they couldn’t see my big ass foot. I had blown up the restroom and could hear women taking notice. lol The worst part was I was stuck in there for over an hour as women and children kept fucking coming in and out it was horrible. I finally made it out and some old lady did a double take when she saw me coming out. I had to smoke again lol..
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All these shit stories reminds me of an embarrassing time I had to take a shit so bad I wound up in the ladies restroom at a busy restaurant driving to Reno. I didn’t even realize there weren’t any urinals as I rushed to a stall. As I was handling my business I hear a click clackin come in the restroom to the stall next to me and I kid you not this fucked off my high. It was a straight up high heel! More women started coming in and I was freaked out! It was a decent sized restroom with about 4 stalls and i happened to take the handicap one so they couldn’t see my big ass foot. I had blown up the restroom and could hear women taking notice. lol The worst part was I was stuck in there for over an hour as women and children kept fucking coming in and out it was horrible. I finally made it out and some old lady did a double take when she saw me coming out. I had to smoke again lol..
Here is shit story for you guys.
Back when I was 14 years old I got really drunk\high at the local county fair and I went to hook up with some girl. I didn't know where to take her so we walked away from the fair and went on some guys grass lawn. I'm just a kid, far from sober, so where the hell else am I supposed to go? Anyways, as soon as we sit down my hand smashes right into a fat pile of fresh (dew from the night grass) dog shit. Not nicked it, or on the side of it, right dead center and since I broke the outer shell of the turd it started to smell really bad. As I'm making out with her in a panic I just start to rub my hand in a clean part of the grass just trying to take the shit off. Just using the grass as on big towel and it's getting it off but not all of it. So I tell her to get up because I don't want this guy in the house to come out, but really I just needed more time to get all this dog shit off my hand. I really don't know if she noticed or not. Maybe she was drunk, I have no clue. It smelled so bad though. So we started to walk and when she wasn't looking I would spit in my hand then wipe it on the concrete, spit and then grass, spit and whatever.
Found a new spot of grass to try to get some. Fingered her (yes, finger bang, I'm 14 and thought I was cool) with the same hand that I smashed into the dog shit. Then 5 minutes later she wanted to leave and told her friends that she felt really sick and she left.
I told my friend what happened and he didn't believe me so I put my finger in his mouth, which at that point he basically just tasted the mix of dog shit, my spit and some random girls coochie. He punched me in the arm and we kept strolling the fair.
Back when I was 14 years old I got really drunk\high at the local county fair and I went to hook up with some girl. I didn't know where to take her so we walked away from the fair and went on some guys grass lawn. I'm just a kid, far from sober, so where the hell else am I supposed to go? Anyways, as soon as we sit down my hand smashes right into a fat pile of fresh (dew from the night grass) dog shit. Not nicked it, or on the side of it, right dead center and since I broke the outer shell of the turd it started to smell really bad. As I'm making out with her in a panic I just start to rub my hand in a clean part of the grass just trying to take the shit off. Just using the grass as on big towel and it's getting it off but not all of it. So I tell her to get up because I don't want this guy in the house to come out, but really I just needed more time to get all this dog shit off my hand. I really don't know if she noticed or not. Maybe she was drunk, I have no clue. It smelled so bad though. So we started to walk and when she wasn't looking I would spit in my hand then wipe it on the concrete, spit and then grass, spit and whatever.
Found a new spot of grass to try to get some. Fingered her (yes, finger bang, I'm 14 and thought I was cool) with the same hand that I smashed into the dog shit. Then 5 minutes later she wanted to leave and told her friends that she felt really sick and she left.
I told my friend what happened and he didn't believe me so I put my finger in his mouth, which at that point he basically just tasted the mix of dog shit, my spit and some random girls coochie. He punched me in the arm and we kept strolling the fair.