You seem to be in a situation I've found myself in many times. It's like you don't want to lose your job but you feel like your trapped and stressed. So when you get fired you feel like "Damn finally" and at the same time just plain old "Damn!". The only way your gonna get job now is if you know somebody because of your record. Otherwise you'll always find some typa job that pays you shit and you hate, there everywhere. Desperate people work shit jobs cuz they hungry and "whitey" knows this.
Unless you change your morals you've got a whole lifetime of this too look forward too. The funny thing about that statement is the morals that get people felonies are the exact ones you need to make it in the "real world". You've just got to learn how to mask them better that's all. Lie, cheat, steal, backstab just make sure people don't see you doin it or don't understand that your doin it to them. Then raise your kids and tell them not to lie, cheat, steal, and backstab cuz you want to be a good dad and feel good about yourself, and after all the dirty tactics you've used to get where you are today, you hope to find some redemption by raisin your kid better then you were raised. But when your child actually listens and never makes it nowhere in life cuz fuckin vultures see his/her ass as easy prey , well then you got to sit him/her down and tell them that there ain't no "Santa Clause"....
Or start a revolution homey. Sit your child down and tell them that the only way the world is gonna get better is if we fight. And that because you'll be damned if the shit that almost infected you will ever come close to your family, you have to fight. Tell them not to put up with shit. If you gettin done wrong then, fuck the place. And if you or your family needs to eat your gonna take that shit. "Whitey" needs your ass and your ideas. He also needs you to do the shit he don't wanna do himself. But this only works if all your family and everybody who feels like you does this. So first I'd tell you to find these people and gather them together. Then you go from there. Gather enough heads and you'd be surprised with what you can come up with. All types of shit. Cameras can't see thru people. Strategic positioning of key personell in key places does wonders for your cause. And when you ready you strike and go to war and you make sure everybody and there mama knows who's doin it. That's how you establish authority.
Stay up dog, things always work out somehow. Just don't ever change who you are, and only you know who that is. The only person I know out in Stockton is some dude named Fu. I used to work with him at a dental lab in San Ramon. I don't know where he works now. He's an ex O.G. of one of them asian ganga out there, or somethin like that. Keep lookin, you'll find somethin.
-Ender
"All my n*ggaz love/ the adventures of/Robin Hood/ Cuz it ain't all good/"-Ice Cube
