S
Howdy everyone – here’s my second installment of my articles of pure shit. Everything in this column is my opinion and I’m probably trying to piss you off – so hopefully you’ll be offended. Anyway…
I’m posting this on the 91siccness message board system because the assholes there need to hear it. I’ll probably be banned for it and OH WELL I DON’T CARE!! Today’s topic is why rap music has become a dancing minstrel show and it sucks; the music industry and music in general are both gay as well. You’re gay.
Where should I start? Perhaps with a little background: I was a gas station attendant in 1998 when I ran into a guy who was going to a recording studio. I don’t know why because he couldn’t rap at all but anyway he went. I asked if I could go with him because I was a stupid 18 year old who wanted to be a rapper because I suffered from asshole syndrome.
Asshole Syndrome Defined: Seeing a smiling, buck dancing sellout rapper on TV popping wine bottles and talking about how tough he is, dancing with fitness models in front of a house and car he doesn’t own. You want to be him, so you figure you can just “rap” a horrible, horrible song and you will “blow up” because “you got skillz.” Here’s the truth of the matter: You will never get a record deal, and even if you do – most people with record deals are broke. And You’re an Asshole.
Anyway so we went to the studio and everyone there had no talent. I naturally wanted to get on the mic and I laid a verse which was horrible by today’s standards but it sounded like Mr. Scarface is Back. It was awesome to them so they took me on as a 5th member to a 5 man group and I was the only one of them who had talent (albeit underdeveloped). They wanted to hang out and dance with whores and go to car shows all night; I wanted to make music so I financed the demo until one of them cried because he thought he was dying with AIDS or something (IS IT SO WRONG OF ME TO WISH HE DIED?!@!?). Who cares, I left them behind – except for one who I’ll discuss later.
Hmm…I’m at work writing this so I lost my train of thought because I keep having to minimize “Word.” Oh yeah, so after those guys were gone I got my first Triton (which my mom bought me because I’m a spoiled suburban piece of shit) and started making beats. I studied songs for 4 long years – lyrically and musically. I transformed myself into one of the greatest MCs this world has seen – and I wish I had the songs to prove it but unfortunately I don’t care what you think so fuck you. I sacrificed my life for 5 years to music and had no other hobby.
Anyway – I’m selling all my equipment, and if you are an aspiring rapper/producer then my advice to you is to QUIT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! Rap used to be about originality and breaking rules – shock value! Now it’s just another genre that the industry has raped of any musical value.
The only reason why I even did the music thing was to prove to my old high school peers that I wasn’t a horrible human being (that they thought I was). I didn’t even LIKE making music because I guess I am a true artist deep down. I don’t like copying; I like making original sounding compositions with BREAKS, BRIDGES, and OTHER ACTUAL PARTS OF MUSIC – NOT JUST ONE BIG LONG FUCKING LOOP with 2 SYNTH TRACKS AND A DRUM KIT WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A BROKEN STOP WATCH. To do this is hard work – and nobody appreciates it anyway. Music is like poetry i.e. it’s ART. It’s ARTISTIC EXPRESSION. If you don’t have anything new to express lyrically – the beat must compensate and vice versa. When your record is uninspired lyrically and musically then you’re totally up the creek. WHY DON’T PEOPLE REALIZE THIS?!
Take my buddy Nick for example. He was the guy who was originally going to the studio. Now, NWA back in 1989 made a name for themselves by bringing street life and felony crime to wax. It was SHOCK VALUE which made the music different. Dr. Dre then took sampling to a whole other level and even when the lyrics were the same old same old – the music was new and snappy. Tupac and B.I.G. brought the music away from it’s cartoonish, impossible-in-real life excessive violence (nobody kills 100 cops and then smokes a blunt and rides into the sunset) into accurate pictorials of the anguish of a drug dealer. Eminem found a niche after Tupac and B.I.G. lost their market to white people since suburban whites got tired of inner-city rap. They wanted someone like themselves who could rap about how much they hate their parents and then rap about how they’re such a bad boy rebel they do drugs and they threaten to kill people (just like NWA, but now the white people didn’t have to look at a mean old negro who they couldn’t relate to anymore – they had one of their own). New things, new breakthroughs, new innovations. Nick in 1998 – and still to this day in 2003 is just making 3 separate 16-bar verses of threats. “I will kill you,” “I will blast you,” “I will shoot you,” “I am a killer,” “I am real,” “I want to die, life is hard,” and “Women are bitches.”
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH! SO ORIGINAAAAL!!! WHAT A TRUE SUFFERING ARTIST – UNBELIEVABLE POETRY!!! To Nick, and to every single damn rapper in the Bay Area, Sacramento, and Los Angeles – IT IS NOT 1989 ANYMORE!! Would you read a good book cover to cover for 13 YEARS STRAIGHT!??!?! IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NEW TO SAY – THEN STOP RAPPING!! If you’re so “real” – then you should have plenty of other aspects of life to talk about besides that crap. FUCK YOU!!! Anyway, lyrics have been bastardized anyway because it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about on a hit record – it just matters if the beat is snappy. So we’ll just leave that alone.
HOW TO GET A RECORD DEAL:
1) Make a record to which people will actually want to listen. Let me help you test if your record is something people want to hear: IF YOU ARE READING THIS RIGHT NOW NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR GARBAGE. End of test. DID YOU PASS?!?
2) Sell this record. Notice I said “sell this record” and not “sit on your ass and work at Burger King where you lie and tell people that you can rap.”
3) Sell lots of the record.
4) A record company will notice you and sell you a broken dream. You will fall for the dream and get raped.
5) Repeat if you can, or just do everyone a favor and die.
Nobody puts effort into making a hit record anyway; they think it will just happen over night while the tooth fairy has sex with your hamster. YOU HAVE TO PUT EFFORT IN YOU MORONS! YOU HAVE TO WANT IT, AND SACRIFICE YOUR SOCIAL LIFE FOR IT! Ever hear of a “starving artist?” Well if you are an overweight fat piece of shit who spends more time “chillin wit yo niggaz” than recording then you know you are not putting enough effort in. When I told Nick I was selling my equipment, he told me he wanted to buy it because he was “serious.” I was selling a Korg Karma (1300 new), Roland XV 3080 (1000 new), MPC 2000 with maxed out RAM and effects board (worth 800-1000 dollars), and Event 20/20 studio monitors (300 new).
Nick the Dick showed me how “serious” he was by offering me 1200 for all my stuff. Whoah!!! $1200 for EVERYTHING!! YOU HIGH ROLLER YOU! Big face spending Nick! What am I, a fucking wine-o who needs a fix??
I should also mention Nick spent close to 600 bucks on 2 LEATHER jackets he doesn’t need and will not wear when the weather gets warmer in about ONE month. I wonder where his priorities are? “Dead Serious” – Nick, I’m emailing you a copy of this article – you suck. Oh and anyone who is laughing – FUCK YOU YOU’RE JUST AS BAD YOU FAG
So anyway, the “target audience” I was trying so hard to impress is not worth impressing because they are worthless pieces of shit who deserve to die. You can sell your music to illiterate, insane morons who don’t do anything but sell drugs and buy sneakers with the drug money; you can sell your music to women who all have less intelligence than a donkey and they just run around town looking for a dick to suck with “they girrrrls” – one thing women are guilty of more than anyone is they want to be bad girl ghetto rebels so bad that they force ebonics into their vocabulary even if they grew up in Princeton – SUBURB BITCHES DO NOT SAY “GIRLFRIEND” AND “MY NIGGA” SPEAK ENGLISH; You can sell you music to the skaters who do nothing but giggle all day and throw things at eachother because they have no brain cells; or You can sell your music to ah who cares. People suck shit and I have nothing I want to express to the world because the world is a horrible place.
Any piece I compose is NEVER good enough for my ear - I'm always embarrassed and I seldom show it to others. When I do show it to others - I don't value their opinions whatsoever because I think the majority of people on planet earth are stupid. So the logic of my hobby was circular: - I craved attention, so I found a talent at which I excelled, developed my talent in hopes of finding attention, and came to find that the attention I craved was invalid because it emanated from a source I don't respect.
I’m posting this on the 91siccness message board system because the assholes there need to hear it. I’ll probably be banned for it and OH WELL I DON’T CARE!! Today’s topic is why rap music has become a dancing minstrel show and it sucks; the music industry and music in general are both gay as well. You’re gay.
Where should I start? Perhaps with a little background: I was a gas station attendant in 1998 when I ran into a guy who was going to a recording studio. I don’t know why because he couldn’t rap at all but anyway he went. I asked if I could go with him because I was a stupid 18 year old who wanted to be a rapper because I suffered from asshole syndrome.
Asshole Syndrome Defined: Seeing a smiling, buck dancing sellout rapper on TV popping wine bottles and talking about how tough he is, dancing with fitness models in front of a house and car he doesn’t own. You want to be him, so you figure you can just “rap” a horrible, horrible song and you will “blow up” because “you got skillz.” Here’s the truth of the matter: You will never get a record deal, and even if you do – most people with record deals are broke. And You’re an Asshole.
Anyway so we went to the studio and everyone there had no talent. I naturally wanted to get on the mic and I laid a verse which was horrible by today’s standards but it sounded like Mr. Scarface is Back. It was awesome to them so they took me on as a 5th member to a 5 man group and I was the only one of them who had talent (albeit underdeveloped). They wanted to hang out and dance with whores and go to car shows all night; I wanted to make music so I financed the demo until one of them cried because he thought he was dying with AIDS or something (IS IT SO WRONG OF ME TO WISH HE DIED?!@!?). Who cares, I left them behind – except for one who I’ll discuss later.
Hmm…I’m at work writing this so I lost my train of thought because I keep having to minimize “Word.” Oh yeah, so after those guys were gone I got my first Triton (which my mom bought me because I’m a spoiled suburban piece of shit) and started making beats. I studied songs for 4 long years – lyrically and musically. I transformed myself into one of the greatest MCs this world has seen – and I wish I had the songs to prove it but unfortunately I don’t care what you think so fuck you. I sacrificed my life for 5 years to music and had no other hobby.
Anyway – I’m selling all my equipment, and if you are an aspiring rapper/producer then my advice to you is to QUIT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! Rap used to be about originality and breaking rules – shock value! Now it’s just another genre that the industry has raped of any musical value.
The only reason why I even did the music thing was to prove to my old high school peers that I wasn’t a horrible human being (that they thought I was). I didn’t even LIKE making music because I guess I am a true artist deep down. I don’t like copying; I like making original sounding compositions with BREAKS, BRIDGES, and OTHER ACTUAL PARTS OF MUSIC – NOT JUST ONE BIG LONG FUCKING LOOP with 2 SYNTH TRACKS AND A DRUM KIT WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A BROKEN STOP WATCH. To do this is hard work – and nobody appreciates it anyway. Music is like poetry i.e. it’s ART. It’s ARTISTIC EXPRESSION. If you don’t have anything new to express lyrically – the beat must compensate and vice versa. When your record is uninspired lyrically and musically then you’re totally up the creek. WHY DON’T PEOPLE REALIZE THIS?!
Take my buddy Nick for example. He was the guy who was originally going to the studio. Now, NWA back in 1989 made a name for themselves by bringing street life and felony crime to wax. It was SHOCK VALUE which made the music different. Dr. Dre then took sampling to a whole other level and even when the lyrics were the same old same old – the music was new and snappy. Tupac and B.I.G. brought the music away from it’s cartoonish, impossible-in-real life excessive violence (nobody kills 100 cops and then smokes a blunt and rides into the sunset) into accurate pictorials of the anguish of a drug dealer. Eminem found a niche after Tupac and B.I.G. lost their market to white people since suburban whites got tired of inner-city rap. They wanted someone like themselves who could rap about how much they hate their parents and then rap about how they’re such a bad boy rebel they do drugs and they threaten to kill people (just like NWA, but now the white people didn’t have to look at a mean old negro who they couldn’t relate to anymore – they had one of their own). New things, new breakthroughs, new innovations. Nick in 1998 – and still to this day in 2003 is just making 3 separate 16-bar verses of threats. “I will kill you,” “I will blast you,” “I will shoot you,” “I am a killer,” “I am real,” “I want to die, life is hard,” and “Women are bitches.”
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH! SO ORIGINAAAAL!!! WHAT A TRUE SUFFERING ARTIST – UNBELIEVABLE POETRY!!! To Nick, and to every single damn rapper in the Bay Area, Sacramento, and Los Angeles – IT IS NOT 1989 ANYMORE!! Would you read a good book cover to cover for 13 YEARS STRAIGHT!??!?! IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NEW TO SAY – THEN STOP RAPPING!! If you’re so “real” – then you should have plenty of other aspects of life to talk about besides that crap. FUCK YOU!!! Anyway, lyrics have been bastardized anyway because it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about on a hit record – it just matters if the beat is snappy. So we’ll just leave that alone.
HOW TO GET A RECORD DEAL:
1) Make a record to which people will actually want to listen. Let me help you test if your record is something people want to hear: IF YOU ARE READING THIS RIGHT NOW NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR GARBAGE. End of test. DID YOU PASS?!?
2) Sell this record. Notice I said “sell this record” and not “sit on your ass and work at Burger King where you lie and tell people that you can rap.”
3) Sell lots of the record.
4) A record company will notice you and sell you a broken dream. You will fall for the dream and get raped.
5) Repeat if you can, or just do everyone a favor and die.
Nobody puts effort into making a hit record anyway; they think it will just happen over night while the tooth fairy has sex with your hamster. YOU HAVE TO PUT EFFORT IN YOU MORONS! YOU HAVE TO WANT IT, AND SACRIFICE YOUR SOCIAL LIFE FOR IT! Ever hear of a “starving artist?” Well if you are an overweight fat piece of shit who spends more time “chillin wit yo niggaz” than recording then you know you are not putting enough effort in. When I told Nick I was selling my equipment, he told me he wanted to buy it because he was “serious.” I was selling a Korg Karma (1300 new), Roland XV 3080 (1000 new), MPC 2000 with maxed out RAM and effects board (worth 800-1000 dollars), and Event 20/20 studio monitors (300 new).
Nick the Dick showed me how “serious” he was by offering me 1200 for all my stuff. Whoah!!! $1200 for EVERYTHING!! YOU HIGH ROLLER YOU! Big face spending Nick! What am I, a fucking wine-o who needs a fix??
I should also mention Nick spent close to 600 bucks on 2 LEATHER jackets he doesn’t need and will not wear when the weather gets warmer in about ONE month. I wonder where his priorities are? “Dead Serious” – Nick, I’m emailing you a copy of this article – you suck. Oh and anyone who is laughing – FUCK YOU YOU’RE JUST AS BAD YOU FAG
So anyway, the “target audience” I was trying so hard to impress is not worth impressing because they are worthless pieces of shit who deserve to die. You can sell your music to illiterate, insane morons who don’t do anything but sell drugs and buy sneakers with the drug money; you can sell your music to women who all have less intelligence than a donkey and they just run around town looking for a dick to suck with “they girrrrls” – one thing women are guilty of more than anyone is they want to be bad girl ghetto rebels so bad that they force ebonics into their vocabulary even if they grew up in Princeton – SUBURB BITCHES DO NOT SAY “GIRLFRIEND” AND “MY NIGGA” SPEAK ENGLISH; You can sell you music to the skaters who do nothing but giggle all day and throw things at eachother because they have no brain cells; or You can sell your music to ah who cares. People suck shit and I have nothing I want to express to the world because the world is a horrible place.
Any piece I compose is NEVER good enough for my ear - I'm always embarrassed and I seldom show it to others. When I do show it to others - I don't value their opinions whatsoever because I think the majority of people on planet earth are stupid. So the logic of my hobby was circular: - I craved attention, so I found a talent at which I excelled, developed my talent in hopes of finding attention, and came to find that the attention I craved was invalid because it emanated from a source I don't respect.
