Trying to step my lyrics up (opinions wanted)

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Jonah

Sicc OG
Nov 13, 2006
763
15
0
38
#1
Been trying to get more complex with my syllables, any thoughts are welcome

Growin up with hopes and Dreams
Now they collide with scopes and beams
and make you wanna sell coke for cream,
cause lyrically ya spirtually hearin me,
cant get a word to christ, to get out this obsurd life, Not sure if He heard right,
Or am I praying wrong? What am I Saying Wrong? Bad luck can't stay this long.
I grew up and had to raise myself, to make some wealth, but now mistakes are felt.
The Lack of the family, did damage me, single handidly, but the man in me had to come out at a young age.
Hopin' to make a better future for me one day, so listen what the song say.
I did have a dad and I did have a mother but they had to much problems to attend to their younger.
Just me and my brother on the grind for time, cant define these lines, or rewind the time.
Just keep movin up this hill called life,. But sometimes Its a struggle so I pop a pill to feel right.
But when it comes down I feel as still as night, Nobody to talk to but the will to write,
Anger built up like im killed inside. Stepped on, Dreams crushed and I feel deprived,
But just like pac, Still I rise. Sentimental poetry so you feel these vibes,
I know you relate to a track of a million cries.
 

kevp

Sicc OG
Dec 7, 2004
429
0
0
#2
Lyrics are good IMO, but it doesn't seem to flow right...I'd have to hear audio to give any feedback on that though...

I feel what your sayin good shit
 

Jonah

Sicc OG
Nov 13, 2006
763
15
0
38
#3
Yeah, My flow is not steady. It changes up to the beat. I Really wish I had a mic to record me flowing so you can see how it's supposed to be rapped. Just like some Tech N9ne songs. You read the lyrics, its not half as good as hearing him actually rap it the way its supposed to be rapped. But thank you for the opinion