The Joke Thread

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1God

Sicc OG
Feb 9, 2010
881
2
0
#1
I haven't seen this thread on here, and I'm not gonna go Google it to see if it exists, so here you go, instead of making a whole new thread to entertain us, you can do it here! Me first:


What did Mike Tyson say to Van Gogh?
"You gonna eat that?"

How long does it take a black woman to take a shit?
Nine months.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat-belt.
 
Aug 9, 2005
5,460
301
83
#5
> Subject: Free Haircut
>
>
>
> One day a florist went to a barber
> for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber
> replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
> community service this week.' The Florist Was pleased and left the shop.
>
>
> When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You card and a dozen . > roses waiting for him at his door.
>
>
> Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the Barber again replied, > I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing Community Service this week.' The cop was happy
> and left the shop.
>
>
> The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank you' Card and a dozen donuts
> waiting for him at his door.
>
>
> Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again > > > replied,' I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing Community
> service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the Shop.
>
>
> The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up
> waiting for a free haircut.
>
>
> And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country
> and the politicians who run it.
 
Aug 9, 2005
5,460
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#6
"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad."

--Christopher Case
 
Aug 9, 2005
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#8
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"

--Jon Stewart