Just gettn shit off my chest!

[Krazy Indian]

I'm doin the DEATH DANCE/
Lookn 4 one more chance/
Ready n willn to die/
Kant kry kuz I guess I'm not done/
Livn everyday like it was my last one/
Trudgn thru life w/pain kuz I kan't see n be w/my son/
In my dreams I'm runnin to be w/him/
Got plenty of emenys that wanna see me swim/
So I know that I'm fittn to not make it/
Kuz I steak and take shit/
My life ain't shit w/o my shorty/
But don't nobody know this but me/
Kuz see I cant see past my mistakes/
Been shot at so many times it seems like everybody was using blanks/
They all komin at me w/tanks/
N army's of soldiers/
That's wut the Creator told me/
Even though the thought of these B's n C's tryn to wet me up/
My family thinks that I should run n hide/
But I tell'm I'ma NDN and ready-n-willn to die/
Kan't kry so I just do the DEATH DANCE!

Wrote this shit a little drunk.
Give me FEED BACK PLEASE.

 

[King Dubb]

i dont know if you was goin poet or rap but shits solid, you got the content and feeling, but to me the rhymes are weak in areas like

Been shot at so many times it seems like everybody was using blanks/
They all komin at me w/tanks/

In my dreams I'm runnin to be w/him/
Got plenty of emenys that wanna see me swim/

the rhymes just arent that developed but good to start with i think

stay up

 

[Suspect]

like the poetry in it man keep spitten