Hey guys
- Thread starter Homeless J
- Start date
It's funny you ask, Juan.
Approximately one and a half month(s) ago, a CIA agent dressed as a common street vendor selling hot merchandise in a long sleek ash grey trenchcoat tried to sneak up on and assassinate my persons as I was on my way to patronize a local Taco Bell resteraunt establishment. He attempted to stick me in the neck with a small syringe full of an obscure and almost untracable poison which would not show up in my autopsy, however he did not apparently read the part of my dossier that clearly states, in plain writing clear as day, that I lost one of my senses as a youth and developed the rest of them into finely tuned weapons, becoming an olfactory ninja. That sense, you ask? The sense of PUBLIC EMBARASSMENT, which I haphazardly lost in a tragic clothing mishap while I was drunk driving a tractor. My Tommy James-brand overalls got caught in the tire cog mechanism and ripped them clean off my body, rendering me publicly in the buff, as the kids would say.
Since then, I've been tragically handicapped with the inability to discern things that should not be done in public without being humiliated and/or arrested and/or flogged and beaten. Yes, I can, and on occasion, DO ride a unicycle upside down naked, with my hands operating the pedals and my cock and balls flapping wildly in the cool breeze, not a care in the world. I have NO IDEA that people are not supposed to do this in public. It is sad. Feel sad for me.
Anyway, like I was saying, the dude tried to kill me, but in fact I KILLED THE DUDE utilizing only my guile, cunning, wit, and an expertly timed Metal Gear Solid 2 neck snap. I then proceeded to go on a 13 state killing spree until I somehow made it across the Mexican border in a hail of bullets and hellfire. I am now officially Eduardo G. Alvarez. Juan, will you please teach me how to fold burritos and operate lawn care equipment?
Approximately one and a half month(s) ago, a CIA agent dressed as a common street vendor selling hot merchandise in a long sleek ash grey trenchcoat tried to sneak up on and assassinate my persons as I was on my way to patronize a local Taco Bell resteraunt establishment. He attempted to stick me in the neck with a small syringe full of an obscure and almost untracable poison which would not show up in my autopsy, however he did not apparently read the part of my dossier that clearly states, in plain writing clear as day, that I lost one of my senses as a youth and developed the rest of them into finely tuned weapons, becoming an olfactory ninja. That sense, you ask? The sense of PUBLIC EMBARASSMENT, which I haphazardly lost in a tragic clothing mishap while I was drunk driving a tractor. My Tommy James-brand overalls got caught in the tire cog mechanism and ripped them clean off my body, rendering me publicly in the buff, as the kids would say.
Since then, I've been tragically handicapped with the inability to discern things that should not be done in public without being humiliated and/or arrested and/or flogged and beaten. Yes, I can, and on occasion, DO ride a unicycle upside down naked, with my hands operating the pedals and my cock and balls flapping wildly in the cool breeze, not a care in the world. I have NO IDEA that people are not supposed to do this in public. It is sad. Feel sad for me.
Anyway, like I was saying, the dude tried to kill me, but in fact I KILLED THE DUDE utilizing only my guile, cunning, wit, and an expertly timed Metal Gear Solid 2 neck snap. I then proceeded to go on a 13 state killing spree until I somehow made it across the Mexican border in a hail of bullets and hellfire. I am now officially Eduardo G. Alvarez. Juan, will you please teach me how to fold burritos and operate lawn care equipment?
anyone talked to hojay lately? dude owes me money for these prostitutes i imported from swahili for him. tell him as much as i enjoy keeping the merchandise on hold for him, i need to get'em out... the neighbors are gettin suspicious of all the screaming and moaning coming from the shed in the backyard after i go in there.
