Another Freestyle(feedback is needed)

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Sep 11, 2002
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#1
Another Freestyle(feedback is needed)HEY HEY

I like to be discreet, cus when me and my fleet, creep, when ya asleep/, no matter how hard ya struggle, ya weak/, i can smell the defeat/, as soon as i stomped my cleat/, into ya face, leave ya bloodied and in a disgrace/, steal ya crib and the vase/, was gonna steal ya girl but decided she stays/, too ugly for me, so i used up all my mace/, maybe it’ll make her look betta/, she screamed out loud “ your dead”, aaaaaaaaaaa(silent A)/, naw i don’t think so/, was wearing my mask, so she didn’t know/....who i was/, a thug, her man laying next to her spewing out fuzz/, next time he’ll watch what he’ll say/, but it didn’t bother me much, cus it’s the same shit different day/, different smell, but put in the same way/, cus when i rhyme, people listen/, i ain’t christian/, fuck religion/, i’m straight Tribal/, ya words wouldn’t faze me if ya ripped the bible/, making you liable/, for the actions i’m about to dish/, making ya wish/, that ya never talked shit/, about Vic/, or any of the Portuguese crew/, cus now u know what we can do/, and that was a sample/, next i’ll turn ya into tofu/, in a urn on top of the mantel/, and turn ya girl to a fan TOO/, haha im just playing/, i ain’t into the killing and slaying/, all the maiming/, and all the decapitating/, has to stop across the land/, but don’t push me far, cus then these words won’t stand/, slit ya throat, chop ya fucking hand/, the hand ya beat your sexual Gland/....wit/, so for one final time stop talking SHIT./
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Yo, tell me what ya think everyone, i seriously need some feedback on this shit, no one fucking replies to shit here, come on.

peace out

EDit- Aight i put it into bars, im not really good in putting it in bars so i hope i did it right, anyways PEace:devious:
 
Sep 22, 2002
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#7
Its Time to Bring Tha Real Heat, So Feel What I Have To Say/
I Aint No Child So Why Tha Fuck Would U Think I Came To Play/
I Came To Lay Tha Real Down Like Dead Bodies Upon Tha Ground/
D-Mize, Tha Murder Mind, Dumpin' Off Tha 50 Round/
Drum, Leavin' Em' Numb, Paralyzied From Head To Feet/
From Close Range, Blow They Brains And Leave Em' Murderd Up In These Streets/
Executed For What Your Lips Spoke/
In Court Testifin' On My Folks/
Nigga, You Must Of Known That Your Ass Was Gunna Get Smoked/
It Was Only A Matter Of Time Til' I Crepted With My Tech/
Throw Your Pillow Over Your Face And Remove Your Head From Your Necc/
Cuz In This Life Of Respect, You Have To Give To Recieve/
But When Your Snitchin' Like a bitch, Death Will Become Of Thee/
So Take Heed, Snitch Niggaz, Or Become Tha Next Victim/
Of D-Mize, That Staright Killa, With Those Slugs, Ready To Spit Em'/