Alternatives to a Happy Ending

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Homeless J

Sicc OG
#1
Jan 31, 2003
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#1
While talking to somebody just now (negotiating prices with a female masseuse, obviously), I realized that everyone always talks about a HAPPY ENDING. But in reality, except in disney movies, there rarely is a happy ending, and the same goes for the realm of sex in general. What other kinds of endings can you think of?

The "SCREWBALL COMEDY" Ending: When you're about to cum, the hooker pulls out a hammer and hits your cock with it.

The TRAGIC Ending: The movie is going as planned. You're about to climax. Then suddenly, TRAGEDY STRIKES. The cops have been watching you under surveillance the entire time and bust down the hotel room door at this moment. You go to jail with blueballs.

The SWERVE Ending: Everything is going great. You're fucking the hooker with a rubber on and you bust. You feel warm and satisfied and sixty dollars poorer... until you look down and see the condom broke. EPILOGUE: SIX MONTHS LATER, YOU FIND OUT YOU HAVE HIV. THE END.

The MORAL HIGH GROUND Ending: In the middle of the whole ordeal, you suddenly realize that everything you're doing is wrong. You stop, and sternly lecture the hooker on the morbid path of life she has chosen to take. She decides she wants to use the money she's saved up to go to art school. Meanwhile, you take the 150 dollars you were going to pay her to eat corn flakes out of your anus with a Taco Bell spork and give it to charity.
 
Ed Gein

Ed Gein

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#2
Apr 13, 2007
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#2
LMAOOO

what about the To Be Continued Ending? hook up. fuck. but when your about to bust she jumps up and she runs out of the hotel yelling to be continued leaving you on the edge of your seat waiting to see what happens next time you see her.
 
TaxMan

TaxMan

Sicc OG
#3
Jun 8, 2004
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#3
The WTF Ending: You're receiving a blow job in an alley from a hooker. As you're about to cum down the back of her throat, you notice a giant bulge in her pants. She is a he. The hot blow job has given the tranny a hardon. As thoughts race through your mind, you realize the only thing to do is pretend like you didn't notice and never tell anyone.


The Hard Work Ending: The bitch you're fucking is a dead fish laying on her back. She puts nothing into the fucking, thus slowly destroying the raging hard on you had. Right as you're about to go soft, you decide to pull out and jack off on her- some gratification. After you bust, you realize she really was dead... Time to pull out the Clorox and remove all traces of sperm.
 
ZombieGirl

ZombieGirl

Sicc OG
#4
Jun 11, 2007
407
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#4
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAA

Man if i weere to go to jail with blueballs..... that would just be horrible....
i mean jea Ive gave a dude blueballs from hell... :D I like hurting ego's
 
H

Homeless J

Sicc OG
#11
Jan 31, 2003
267
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#11
The "RICHARD KELLY" Ending: As you're getting dome from a hooker, a guy in a rabbit suit bursts through the door and you shoot him in the eye with a gun and continue fucking. Later, right as you ejaculate, you travel back in time 28 days and an airplane carrying your mother and sister crashes into your house, killing you.

The "STEVEN SPIELBERG" Ending: You're fucking a whore on a boat and a shark eats you both.

The "DAVID CRONENBERG" Ending: You're driving around with your wife when you have a head-on collision with another car, killing the other driver and leaving you both trapped inside your own car, possibly a bit wounded but consious and alive. You decide that this has heightened your sense of arousal and fuck each other's brains out while the police use the jaws of life to open your wreckage.
 
H

Homeless J

Sicc OG
#12
Jan 31, 2003
267
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#12
The CANDID CAMERA Ending: SMILE. YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMEERRRAA.

The PUNK'D Ending: After climax, the hooker pulls off a rubber mask to reveal it's been Ashton Kutcher all along. The camera guys pop out of the closet, and Ashton says "You got PUNK'D!" Then you say "Yeah well you got spunk'd, motherfucker." and everyone stands around awkwardly until the commercial break.
 
TaxMan

TaxMan

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#15
Jun 8, 2004
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#15
Chunky Ending: As a bitch is riding your face, she rips a horrendous fart. The stench gags you; you proceed to puke into her vagina, the vomit then goes back into your mouth from her grinding, and you strangle yourself to death on your own vomit.

The Life Ending: You decide to end the perfect night, you will raw dog a bitch. After the great sex you leave her to do your own thing. While you're out surfing the internet for pornography, she is killed. Crime scene investigators find traces of your semen all over her apartment- You get LIFE for her rape/murder.
 
EastBayDen

EastBayDen

Sicc OG
#16
Mar 22, 2007
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#16
These endings would make some good you tube monologues LOL

You guys made me laugh for first time all day!

OEDIPUS REX ending: You realize the hooker your doing just as you climax you see the your name on her wrist and realize it is the mother who gave you up for adoption and you blind your self with a knife
 
Defy

Defy

Cannabis Connoisseur
#17
Jan 23, 2006
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Rich City
#17
The OAKLAND ending: as you're getting head the bitch robs you by going in your pockets....she counts the money and thinks you have more, so she pulls out a gun & pistol whips you, taking off your shoes and throwing them on the power lines and taking your rent money from your sock. she puts on her gold grill then steals your car.

The BERKELEY ending: she drops LSD into the hole in your dick and proceeds to suck it out while humming grateful dead songs

The SAN JOSE ending: you don't even get to pull your dick out yet and are arrested for suspicion of sex solicitation

The LA ending: she takes an unbelievably long time to finish the two fisted hand job, explaining later that she was doing it with one hand, but that hand was stuck in traffic

The SAN FRANCISCO ending: oh yeah, taxman already covered that with the "WTF" ending

The NEW ENGLAND ending: you are being videotaped
 
F

Frederico

Sicc OG
#18
Dec 11, 2007
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#18
The CAMDEN, NJ Ending: As you pull up to the corner to talk to the hooker, her 12 year old son appears from nowhere brandishing a pistol, and you're carjacked, robbed, and shot before you can even ask her how much. They leave you bleeding in the middle of the street, where you're soon run over by a cop responding to another shooting a few blocks away.

The MAURY Ending: You and a couple buddies gangbang this hood rat, and everything is fine... until 9 months later when you all wind up on Maury cause the bitch wants a paternity test. Luckily though, you are all NOT the father, and it turns out to be her cousin that raped her around the same time.

The VIRGIN MARY Ending: You're banging this Catholic schoolgirl in the ass cause she "wants to stay pure" for marriage, but when you pull out to nut on her it gets all over her pussy, where it seeps in and she gets pregnant. Her and her parents, not believing in sex education so having no idea how this happened, take this as a sign from God and start a Christian cult, proclaiming her to be the new Virgin Mary. The Vatican does an investigation and concludes she's nothing but a Protestant whore.
 
Spooky 1987

Spooky 1987

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#20
Sep 1, 2004
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#20
Frederico said:
The CAMDEN, NJ Ending: As you pull up to the corner to talk to the hooker, her 12 year old son appears from nowhere brandishing a pistol, and you're carjacked, robbed, and shot before you can even ask her how much. They leave you bleeding in the middle of the street, where you're soon run over by a cop responding to another shooting a few blocks away.
Click to expand...
That's dope shit. Best one so far.
 
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