I don't start too many topics but figured this may help some of the homotrons here....
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard
stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't
sucked back enough beer with the boys and
rather, you've been sucking-off the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing
sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag.
A cat is like a dog, but Gay. It grooms itself
constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
whines to be fed. And just think about how you
call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your
ass over here!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, Snookums!"
Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY!
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby
pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured,
you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
bar-b-que ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters,
craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties.
Anything else and you are in training to suck
El-Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public
bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a
deep heauxmeauxsexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where
he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you
like a high hard one in the gaper. Coffee is
to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome
milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will
never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with
Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet
in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or
four different types of dessert, you might as well
be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap as well as all the names
of all the players in the Major league, NHL, NFL,
NBA, college ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick
out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is,
you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel,
forget it...you're hungry for meat-popsicle. A
man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
at a slow-ass driver or to cut the motherfucker
off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to
change the radio station, eat his hamburger,
hold his beer, finger the babe in the passenger
seat, or if in dire need, talk on his cell-phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French
films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The
only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
with a woman who knows how to reward her
man. Watching any of the above films by yourself
or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is
what happens to fags when they flame out too
quickly.
So follow the rules and beware...or keep that shit
to yourself, you flamming faggot!
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard
stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't
sucked back enough beer with the boys and
rather, you've been sucking-off the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing
sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag.
A cat is like a dog, but Gay. It grooms itself
constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
whines to be fed. And just think about how you
call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your
ass over here!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, Snookums!"
Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY!
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby
pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured,
you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
bar-b-que ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters,
craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties.
Anything else and you are in training to suck
El-Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public
bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a
deep heauxmeauxsexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where
he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you
like a high hard one in the gaper. Coffee is
to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome
milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will
never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with
Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet
in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colours or
four different types of dessert, you might as well
be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap as well as all the names
of all the players in the Major league, NHL, NFL,
NBA, college ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick
out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is,
you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel,
forget it...you're hungry for meat-popsicle. A
man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
at a slow-ass driver or to cut the motherfucker
off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to
change the radio station, eat his hamburger,
hold his beer, finger the babe in the passenger
seat, or if in dire need, talk on his cell-phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French
films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The
only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
with a woman who knows how to reward her
man. Watching any of the above films by yourself
or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is
what happens to fags when they flame out too
quickly.
So follow the rules and beware...or keep that shit
to yourself, you flamming faggot!
