What yall think of this verse??

[Gordon Gekko]

Im writin this song called "Love 4 Da Streets." Im just skeptical about this verse...tell me what yall think. Oh yeah...its unfinished.

If it wasnt for the streets aint no telling where I might be
just about everything I know I learned it from the streets/
I can tell you about some crazy shyt that happened on my side
last month they shot this brotha up while he was in his ride/
Everytime you leave the house u puttin yourself in great danger
cus in my hood, everybody around here full of anger/
I dont understand how a lot of people seem to feel
just because u sellin dope and killin folks that u make u real/
If you make an honest living then they say u sellin out
but I think its good to see another brotha make it out/
Went to holla at my neighbor havent seen him in some time
went inside his house to find he just committed suicide/

 

[B-Buzz]

Its got substance, but its pretty simple

 

[PoetiCCC]

try makin more than one syllable rhymes....like dude said it has substance but ya just need a lil more work lyrically to get to that next level....~2`

 

[Gordon Gekko]

try makin more than one syllable rhymes....like dude said it has substance but ya just need a lil more work lyrically to get to that next level....~2`

Got ya! I been working on rhyming 3 or more syllables as of late. But I appreciate you pointing it out to me.

 

[B-Buzz]

multis are overrated, but if you keep it too simple it doesnt sound right. I like to just put a few one syllable rhymes in each line ex. 'dirty heard me he aint worthy' but if you can get 3 syllable multis goin thats dope shit, not that easy. Post some new shit up when you worked on it

 

[Gordon Gekko]

I wrote some shyt today and my rhymes do sound next level with that 3 syllable rhyming. Im short on time to post it right now, but I'll post it when I get a chance.

 

[Southend_206]

YEAH I'M FEELIN THAT