Unleashed Passion.... [Incomplete]

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M

MrDontGIVEaFUCK

Sicc OG
#1
Apr 25, 2002
3,650
3
0
37
#1
this is only the beginning......


Comrade activity, hatred festivity, walkin without gravity-
smokin herbs to get my mind on creativity, hatred is in productivity-
Sicc minded fuckin individual, young criminal i’m on earth for revenge-
you need your body parts mend together, Passion is a word that extends-
tryin to make ends, heading my soul to be apprehend-
control the universe is what i intend, you faggots comprehend?-
Unleash love, hate and respect , everything above-
shoot the peace, the dove now bloody-
Study my position in life, everyone thinking they my buddy-
I guarentee if i dont get famous, no one will feel me-
asking god to heal me, ask Satin to conceal me-
keepin it real, appeal facts, thoughts in my mind are ideal-
 
J

Juan Million

Sicc OG
#2
Apr 25, 2002
3,820
2
0
41
#2
It's good to have a big vocab but usin too many "ity's" "end's" and such in one line is a no no. It just gets boring. Gravity and productivity don't rhyme just because they both have "ity" at the end. Learn syllables. Gravity has 3, productivity has 5. Ya need to find a middle between ebonics and hooked on phonics and stick with it.

Yanno I'd never put down ya work in a bad way homie, I'm just tryna help ya get better by passin along some knowledge. Keep it up.
 
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