University police seek man who ejaculated on student

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Apr 25, 2002
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UWPD seeks man who ejaculated on student in Humanities building
By: Rory Linnane /The Daily Cardinal - October 29, 2008

The University of Wisconsin Police Department posted fliers on Humanities entrances alerting them to a lewd and lascivious act that occurred around 3:00 p.m. Monday.

A female UW-Madison student reported having semen dropped on her Monday afternoon in the Humanities Building, according to fliers posted Tuesday on the building’s entrances.

According to the fliers, labeled “Badger Watch Crime Alert,” the student was studying between the Morphy and Eastman Recital Halls around 3:10 p.m. when semen reportedly dropped from the third level balcony above.

The building’s facilities manager, Justin Richardson, said the student was unsure of what had fallen and worried about a cut on her hand getting contaminated. He said she went to the emergency room, where they confirmed that it was semen that had fallen. The victim said she did not see who the perpetrator was.

“The goal [of the fliers] is to let everyone know as soon as possible that this happened, with the main goal being that anyone who might have seen any strange behavior or a stranger in the building at that time that day would come forward right away with information,” Richardson said.

The fliers said the balcony is accessible from the outside and from inside the Mills Concert Hall and Morphy and Eastman Recital Halls. Police are asking for anyone who saw suspicious activity in the area between 2 p.m. and 3:30 p.m. to contact the University of Wisconsin Police Department at (608) 264-2677 or at its office at 1429 Monroe St.
 
Apr 7, 2005
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#6
operator: kaiser help line, how can I help you?

beezo: hi. I was minding my own business, and all of a sudden I've got slimey goop on my hand.

operator: hmmm....can you describe the goop in question?

beezo: it was thick at first, but seems to be evaporating rather quickly....smells like clorox and saltwater

operator: *snicker, giggle, giggle* Ma'am, you're going to wanna wash that off rather quickly. Tell me, were you anywhere near a dick and balls when this occoured?

beezo: WHAT? uh....NO!! I was hit by a stray shot....what are you trying to imply?

operator: *more laughter* is any in your eye, chin, small of back, neckline or forehead?

beezo: uhhhh......no, but help me.....it seems to be heading to my owie....will it get infected?

operator: LAZY BITCH....wipe that cum off your hand, wash it and get to class, stop wasting my G'damn time

*click*