NEVER take the radiator cap off if it's hot.
When driving, some dick or dickette will invariably pass you on the left; then pull in front of you, only to slow and turn right in front of you. usually with no blinker.
If you're real drunk and feel like you might have to vomit...make sure you also don't have to shit...trust me.
Liquor before beer and you're in the clear...beer before liquor...get sicker quicker.
Pussy just tastes better shaved.
Jimi Hendrix was a GOD.
If you have someone else mow your lawn...you're a pussy...unless you're extremely rich and you spend that time fucking supermodels.
If you've never been with 2 women at the same time...do it before you die...hell...rent hookers if you have to...but do it.
If you're eating dinner at someones house...eat everything on your plate...even if you don't like it.
There are still good people in this world...but there seems to be a lot more bad people than there used to be.
Time does NOT heal ALL wounds.
Having children is the most wonderful thing in the world...until they start rooting through your collection of marital aids when you're not around.
Anytime you're in a hurry, the rest of the world is not.
No matter how badly things seem to be going for you, there's always someone else out there who has it far worse -- and chances are that you don't have to look very hard to find him/her.
The more brightly colored a tool is the easier it is to lose....or have it "walk off".
The tool, when dropped into the engine compartment, (if it falls through), will end up under the EXACT center of the vehicle.
She is lying when she says "If you just tell me the truth, I won't get mad."
Checking if she is awake doesn't constitute foreplay.
While at the Club, that "5" at 10:00PM is a "10" at last call.
Money changes EVERYTHING.
If you have to chose between two evils; chose the one you've never tried before.
When trying to get laid, if the chick is starting to lose interest, don't quit. Start lying instead.
No matter what you do and how good your intentions are, somebody will be pissed off and/or offended by it.
Good people are usually the ones that get screwed over.
My chances of winning the lottery are between slim and none.
The voice of the majority is usually the silent one.
Junk is something you've kept for years only to throw away three weeks before you need it.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Plans should be left for the planners and actions for the accomplished.
manage your life or it will manage you
most of your problems can be attributed to a lack of moral courage
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Fucks come & go real friends are forever. Concequently never screw up a good friendship for the sake of sex.
Never screw a married woman. She will eventually confess to get it off her chest or get her husband back or for whatever reasons.
They are the Confession Queens. He will be hurt, sad, and mad. He will finally forgive her and take all the pent up hostility with him to come for you, hunt you down and kill you. That is truly below average.
Never eat donuts while drunk on Thunderbird wine.
You can never say the wrong thing to the right girl and you can never say the right thing to the wrong girl.
Studies show that married men live longer than single men. Married men, however, are more willing to die.
It's kinda hard to trust someone that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Drinking screwdrivers while working on a fence in the Sacramento heat: big mistake.
Always grab the last slice of pizza.
Never eat a bowl of beans before a date.
Stay in school, don't drive drunk, and trust your instincts.
And finally...
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
When driving, some dick or dickette will invariably pass you on the left; then pull in front of you, only to slow and turn right in front of you. usually with no blinker.
If you're real drunk and feel like you might have to vomit...make sure you also don't have to shit...trust me.
Liquor before beer and you're in the clear...beer before liquor...get sicker quicker.
Pussy just tastes better shaved.
Jimi Hendrix was a GOD.
If you have someone else mow your lawn...you're a pussy...unless you're extremely rich and you spend that time fucking supermodels.
If you've never been with 2 women at the same time...do it before you die...hell...rent hookers if you have to...but do it.
If you're eating dinner at someones house...eat everything on your plate...even if you don't like it.
There are still good people in this world...but there seems to be a lot more bad people than there used to be.
Time does NOT heal ALL wounds.
Having children is the most wonderful thing in the world...until they start rooting through your collection of marital aids when you're not around.
Anytime you're in a hurry, the rest of the world is not.
No matter how badly things seem to be going for you, there's always someone else out there who has it far worse -- and chances are that you don't have to look very hard to find him/her.
The more brightly colored a tool is the easier it is to lose....or have it "walk off".
The tool, when dropped into the engine compartment, (if it falls through), will end up under the EXACT center of the vehicle.
She is lying when she says "If you just tell me the truth, I won't get mad."
Checking if she is awake doesn't constitute foreplay.
While at the Club, that "5" at 10:00PM is a "10" at last call.
Money changes EVERYTHING.
If you have to chose between two evils; chose the one you've never tried before.
When trying to get laid, if the chick is starting to lose interest, don't quit. Start lying instead.
No matter what you do and how good your intentions are, somebody will be pissed off and/or offended by it.
Good people are usually the ones that get screwed over.
My chances of winning the lottery are between slim and none.
The voice of the majority is usually the silent one.
Junk is something you've kept for years only to throw away three weeks before you need it.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Plans should be left for the planners and actions for the accomplished.
manage your life or it will manage you
most of your problems can be attributed to a lack of moral courage
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Fucks come & go real friends are forever. Concequently never screw up a good friendship for the sake of sex.
Never screw a married woman. She will eventually confess to get it off her chest or get her husband back or for whatever reasons.
They are the Confession Queens. He will be hurt, sad, and mad. He will finally forgive her and take all the pent up hostility with him to come for you, hunt you down and kill you. That is truly below average.
Never eat donuts while drunk on Thunderbird wine.
You can never say the wrong thing to the right girl and you can never say the right thing to the wrong girl.
Studies show that married men live longer than single men. Married men, however, are more willing to die.
It's kinda hard to trust someone that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Drinking screwdrivers while working on a fence in the Sacramento heat: big mistake.
Always grab the last slice of pizza.
Never eat a bowl of beans before a date.
Stay in school, don't drive drunk, and trust your instincts.
And finally...
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
