some indin jokes

[savage]

An Indian walks into the trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like a generic, Charmin or White Cloud. "White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the Indian. "How much is it?"

"$1 a roll," the clerk replies.

"That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about the others?"

"Charmin is $2 a roll and no name is 50 cents a roll."

The Indian doesn't have much money so he opts for the no name. Within a few hours he is back at the trading post. "I have a name for that no name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk.

"We shall call it 'John Wayne'."

"Why?" asks the confused clerk.

"Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no shit offa' no Indian."
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There was this ole Indian that owned a nice looking Sorrel Gelding that he kept in his pasture next to the highway.

One day a white man was driving by and noticed this prize horse. He pulled into the driveway at this ole Indian's placw and said "Who owns that beautiful horse grazing along the side the highway?"

The ole Indian said, "Me."

"I'll give you $500 right now for him!" said the white man.

"No, he is not for sale... He don't look so good," stated the Skin.


"What do you mean he don't look so good, he looks fine to me.
Tell you what, I'll give you $750 for him right now, Indian!"

"No," said the ole fella, "He don't look so good."

"$1000 then, take it or leave it, old timer!" the white man huffed.

"OK, but I tell you, he don't look so good!" replied the ole man as he made the deal.

A few days past when all of a sudden that white guy came to the ole man's house once again. He got out of the truck, his head was all bandaged up, grabbed his crutches and hopped up to the ole guys porch.

"WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU INDIAN, YOU SOLD ME A BLIND HORSE!"

Shouted the white man.

"I told you he don't look so good!"
==============================

Three Indians and three guys are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three guys each buy tickets and watch as the three Indians buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a white guy.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an Indian.


They all board the train. The white guys take their respective seats, but all Three Indians cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.


The white guys saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the white guys decide to copy the Indians on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Indians buy no tickets at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed white guy. "Watch and you'll see," answers an Indian. When they board the train the three white guys cram into a restroom and the three Indians cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Indians leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the white guys are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "tickets please."

 

[savage]

There were these two indians and a white dude walking along, when all of a sudden one of the indians takes off up the side of the mountain to an opening of a cave. When he gets there, he hollars, "wooooo wooooo!" He hears a "wooo wooo" answer, takes off his cloths and runs naked into the cave.

The white dude asked the other indian just what was going on. The other indian tells him that it is mating season for indians and if you see a cave, ya run up to it and hollar woooo wooo, and if ya hear a wooo wooo back, that means she is in there waiting for ya.

All of a sudden the other Indian sees a cave. He runs up to the cave and hollars "wooooo woooooo." He waits and hears the answer, "woooo wooooo." He tears off his clothes and runs into the cave naked.

About this time, this white dude was so horney he is running all around the mountainside looking for a cave. He sees this big cave up on the hill, he looks at this cave and the size of it. He thinks to himself, "Man this cave is alot larger then them two indians caves, it has to be something great in there." So he runs up to the cave and hollars, "woooooooo woooooooo" and waits for an answer. No answer so he then hollars again "wooooooo wooooooo." But this time he hears the answer woooo woooooo, he tears off his cloths and runs off into the cave.

The next day in the nearby town the headlines of the newspaper read, "Naked Anglo Male run over by railroad train!"
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Special Dog

A lakota guy walks into a bar followed by his 3 legged dog... The bartender says, "Hey!!! What happened to your dog??" The Lakota guy says, "This is some special dog....we had a fire at my house the other night. This dog ran into the burning house got my infant daughter and laid her at my feet. The dog ran back into the house, locked my mother-in-law in the closet then grabbed my insurance papers and brought them out to me."
The bartender says, "So he lost his leg in the fire?"
Lakota guys says... "Nope, a dog like this, you don't eat all at once."

 

[savage]

"Get this," said the Indian guy to his buddies. "Last night while I was down at the bar with you guys, someone broke into my house.

"Did he steal anything?" one buddy asked.

"Dunno," said the first guy.

"But did he get anything?" another buddy asked.

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."
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What School Did You Go To?
At the urinal, an accountant, a lawyer and an Indian were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The Indian zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Boarding School and they taught us not to piss on our hands."
============================

The man finds himself on the most beautiful rez he has ever seen,
surrounded with jugs of Rum and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my Chiefs wildest dreams."

***POOF***


The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says, "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful Indian women will want and need me."

**POOF***


He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story?

If the Bureau of Indian Affairs offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached!
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An indian was standing on the corner when this woman on her way to work passed by. The Indian raises his hand in greeting, and says, "Chance!"

Everyday for a whole week, the same thing happened. As the woman would walk past, the Indian would raise his hand, and say, "Chance!"

Finally, she couldn't ignore it any longer, stops, and asks, "You're an Indian, aren't you?"

He nods.

She says, "I always thought Indians said 'How!'."

The Indian says, "Already know 'how'. Just want 'chance'."

 

[savage]

Who pushed the outhouse over?
A Hopi father lined up all of his little sons and stood in front of them.
He then asked, "Who pushed the outhouse over the cliff?"

Nobody answered him.

He then asked again, "Who pushed the outhouse over the cliff?"
...again nobody answered.

The Hopi father said, "I'll tell story of George and George' father. George chop down cherry tree. George tell truth, Big George no punish." So the father asked again, "Who pushed outhouse over the cliff?"

The littlest son replied, "I pushed the outhouse over the cliff."

The old Hopi then spanks him for his punishment. When he is done, the little kid asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why, father?"

The Hopi father replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"
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There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain. These two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.


All of a sudden an old Indian man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old Indian guy's face there!"

(Was this a ghost?!?!?!?)

This old Indian man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"

So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???


The old Indian softly replied, "You have any tobacco?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"

"Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.


Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?"

The driver says, "I don't know? How could that be? I was going pretty fast!"

Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old Indian man again."Aaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger yells.

"Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old Indian quietly asks.

The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"


They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer,trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!

"Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear.

The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"

 

[707kah]

those all r pretty good!being a cracker you dont hear 2 many white jokes.i had never even heard any indian jokes before.you got any white jokes?

 

[707kah]

those all r pretty good!being a cracker you dont hear 2 many white jokes.i had never even heard any indian jokes before.you got any white jokes?

 

[savage]

yeah i think i can find some. i'll post them some other time, this computer i'm on now is actin up.

 

[SLOWPOKE]

GOOD POST SAV, I OWE YOU.......I'MA USE SOME OF THESE FOR MY STAND UP COMEDY BUT SAY LATIN IN THERE

MEMBER NOW YOU ON MY "CHOWED OUT LIST!!"