Self Conviction

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2

2-0-NINE

Sicc OG
#1
Mar 12, 2005
8,118
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#1
Any one of you GOM members experience this? I feel like typing a Blog, but since the GOM is full of sophisticated minds I'd like to share my day. I saw an old friend of mine, his name is Salvador, a poor old immigrant, who works at a shop in East Side Stockton, and gets little pay. The on the weekends, Sunday, he goes to the Open Air Market aka the Flea or Swap Meat and preaches. Today me and my friends went to pay for his ticket, and we saw him, preaching while everyone ignored his message, so he wondered off.

At that point, my heart sunk, this man was a man of righteousness. He seldom or never cursed. He was always a happy man regardless of the circumstances he was in. He always knew God would bring him out of situations that we probably can't get out of. He could care less about making money, and he would rather look like a Bum then the typical America. This reminds me of a passage in the Bible Psalms 37:1 Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

The reason I bring this up is because I used to envy to works of the world and those around me, whether good or evil for some odd reason. I'm curious, have any of you guys seen someone that inspired you to be above what you are? Today me and my friends were talking about the next shoe we were going to cop, how I'm going to look tomorrow. But then I seen this man, all in ragidy clothes, preaching amongst the people of downtown Stockton. My homeboy pointed out and said eh there's that crazy looking Christian mechanic. When I saw what he was doing, I seriously wanted to break into tears.

To think I was bitching about throwing away the garbage, how I would look in front of the girl sitting in front of me in class. Going back to thinking about what I should wear to show everyone that I'm not a punk, to show that I have money and flare. Then to see such a humble man, inspired me to change a whole lot. I made a vow today, which I haven't done in a while, to refrain from cussing, and to have Tolerance and Love for those that I come into contact with, EVEN SURENOS.

It wasn't much of a hard decision, and I'm pretty sure If you're a Christian, you know what Self Conviction feels like. I got home just about 12 minutes ago, I just had a burst of sad emotion in me, because I know that I have been giving people a false perception of my "Christian Life" well in fact I've been living contrary to it. Even now as I type this, some of you may say, WTH, some may clown, some may understand, but I've never felt so self convicted in my life, that I want to cry so bad.

For you atheists, I don't believe in God, because it makes me happy, HE IS MY COMPLEMENT, NOT COMPLIMENT, BUT COMPLEMENT. He makes me complete, I just never felt this sad or convicted before, and it lingers above my head. From now on Even when typing on the siccness, my posts will be topic related, and less morbid, sexual, and cursing orientated.

So my question is, how many of you have felt self conviction, to a point, you want to rip all your hair out of your head, and Just find an answer. This incident has been really bothering me, and I think it's my calling.

Let me hear some answers.
 
2-0-Sixx

2-0-Sixx

Sicc OG
#2
May 13, 2002
49,944
47,801
113
44
Seattle
www.socialistworld.net
#2
The Red Sin said:
I'm curious, have any of you guys seen someone that inspired you to be above what you are?
Click to expand...
A lot of my socialist comrades inspire me when I see how much time, emotion, and pure dedication they put into the "movement." They eat, breathe and sleep socialism. It always amazes me and whenever I feel like Amerika is lost, or there is no point in trying, I look to these people for inspiration.
 
2

2-0-NINE

Sicc OG
#4
Mar 12, 2005
8,118
17
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#4
HERESY said:
Self actualization? I know you have already gave your statement, but what exactly do you mean by "above what you are"?
Click to expand...
Man, Transcend above what you are, I can't explain it, maybe I meant reaching a point in life where you try to reach your highest potential and you reach the point where you are beyond Enlightenment. It's not something I stated because it sounded smart, it has a meaning, but It's not complex, but at the same time, hard to put into a term that can be understandable.
 
JLMACN

JLMACN

JLMACN
#6
Aug 26, 2002
14,639
826
0
44
WWW.YABITCHDONEME.COM
#6
The Red Sin said:
Any one of you GOM members experience this? I feel like typing a Blog, but since the GOM is full of sophisticated minds I'd like to share my day. I saw an old friend of mine, his name is Salvador, a poor old immigrant, who works at a shop in East Side Stockton, and gets little pay. The on the weekends, Sunday, he goes to the Open Air Market aka the Flea or Swap Meat and preaches. Today me and my friends went to pay for his ticket, and we saw him, preaching while everyone ignored his message, so he wondered off.

At that point, my heart sunk, this man was a man of righteousness. He seldom or never cursed. He was always a happy man regardless of the circumstances he was in. He always knew God would bring him out of situations that we probably can't get out of. He could care less about making money, and he would rather look like a Bum then the typical America. This reminds me of a passage in the Bible Psalms 37:1 Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

The reason I bring this up is because I used to envy to works of the world and those around me, whether good or evil for some odd reason. I'm curious, have any of you guys seen someone that inspired you to be above what you are? Today me and my friends were talking about the next shoe we were going to cop, how I'm going to look tomorrow. But then I seen this man, all in ragidy clothes, preaching amongst the people of downtown Stockton. My homeboy pointed out and said eh there's that crazy looking Christian mechanic. When I saw what he was doing, I seriously wanted to break into tears.

To think I was bitching about throwing away the garbage, how I would look in front of the girl sitting in front of me in class. Going back to thinking about what I should wear to show everyone that I'm not a punk, to show that I have money and flare. Then to see such a humble man, inspired me to change a whole lot. I made a vow today, which I haven't done in a while, to refrain from cussing, and to have Tolerance and Love for those that I come into contact with, EVEN SURENOS.

It wasn't much of a hard decision, and I'm pretty sure If you're a Christian, you know what Self Conviction feels like. I got home just about 12 minutes ago, I just had a burst of sad emotion in me, because I know that I have been giving people a false perception of my "Christian Life" well in fact I've been living contrary to it. Even now as I type this, some of you may say, WTH, some may clown, some may understand, but I've never felt so self convicted in my life, that I want to cry so bad.

For you atheists, I don't believe in God, because it makes me happy, HE IS MY COMPLEMENT, NOT COMPLIMENT, BUT COMPLEMENT. He makes me complete, I just never felt this sad or convicted before, and it lingers above my head. From now on Even when typing on the siccness, my posts will be topic related, and less morbid, sexual, and cursing orientated.

So my question is, how many of you have felt self conviction, to a point, you want to rip all your hair out of your head, and Just find an answer. This incident has been really bothering me, and I think it's my calling.

Let me hear some answers.
Click to expand...
after reading this I recommend you take a Composition I class somewhere..

:lick:

5000
 
2

2-0-NINE

Sicc OG
#7
Mar 12, 2005
8,118
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#7
Mi$ta-Murda187

Mi$ta-Murda187

Sicc OG
#8
Nov 21, 2005
5,793
5
0
42
www.revver.com
#8
This reminds me of a passage in the Bible Psalms 37:1 Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

This scripture is about those who kill to get money.. and sell drugs and get rich... or girls who sell their bodies.. they gain the world. but lose their souls...

Thats a good vow you made man.. Try to live up to it..
I have been having trouble quiting drinking..
I still get buzzed.. but no longer get drunk and throw up...

But getting buzzed off wine is not a sin.
since even the great Jesus.. kicked it at weddings..
and he even MADE wine with his powers...
so you know drinking is cool..
in moderation.. And even if this was not a spiritual rule..
it's just a healthier thing to do...

Stay on your path my brother..
and don't let the devil tempt you..


praise God holla back
 
FunK-3-FivE

FunK-3-FivE

Sicc OG
#10
Jun 17, 2004
849
2
0
#10
The Red Sin said:
Man, Transcend above what you are, I can't explain it, maybe I meant reaching a point in life where you try to reach your highest potential and you reach the point where you are beyond Enlightenment. It's not something I stated because it sounded smart, it has a meaning, but It's not complex, but at the same time, hard to put into a term that can be understandable.
Click to expand...
Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl addresses this in "Man's Search for Meaning" It's called will-to-meaning when something or someone larger than yourself humbles you and motivates you to do something larger than yourself. All I can say is try and keep that motivation (because it can fade), in the long run if you turn the motivation into action you will probably gain much satisfaction as a by-product. (Happiness when pursued directly is very temporary, however when people strive for something larger than themselves happiness in a long-lasting by-product)

I have experienced it at times, where I break down and realize my humble existence (not a demeaning humbleness but a humbleness that gives me chills down my spine and inspires me to be better), I had one instance where I broke down and felt so stupid for caring so much about my material things and I even considered giving up everything and devoting my life to doing charity work. Then my ego comes back and the humble inspiration fades when as I continue day-to-day life.

What state you are in right now and what it comes down to is Will-to-Meaning vs. Fear of Change, if fear wins you will continue your everyday habits and your ego will return and you will continue caring what other people think of you and material things. If "Will-to-Meaning" wins you will indeed change and break from your comfort zone and your motivation will turn into action. Obviously something inside you is urning for this change... I'm confident you already KNOW WHAT TO DO. So get off the bloody computer and turn your ideas into reality.

Read that book "Man's Search for Meaning" it's interesting, written by a psychiatrist who analyzes people's will to live, etc.
 
2

2-0-NINE

Sicc OG
#11
Mar 12, 2005
8,118
17
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#11
HERESY said:
I haven't hit that point yet.
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Speaking to me H?

@Funk, Thanks for that great post, I hope this motivates me to do what he did. I still feel like crying because seeing how humble that man was, and going out all his way, not give a damn about money, to preach for my God, Jesus Christ. It shames me, I wanted to run with him to preach, but then when we got finished parking he was walking so fast, I lost sight of him. My stomach turned, and I felt sad and qweezy. I wish I could have proudly stood there with that 50 year old brother of mine, and preach without shame. Hopefully I see him again, and I hope that when the "MISSION" begins, we can be part in hand in spreading goodness in this Hell of Stockton.

I used to glorify nortenos killing surenos. I used to be proud that I came from the streets of slanging, gang banging, and hate. I used to be proud that I wore clothes that were better than the other man. I feel ashamed, and I'm am quite humble now, I hope this humility lasts me a long time, because when I get over my head, sadness lingers for a long time. I've seen the humblest of people, be so happy regardless of their life situation. I wish I could be like that.

I guess in a sense to fit in, not with the World, but my purpose, or what I believe is my purpose which is to preach. But I don't feel I'm not even right yet, because like the Link H gave me, I need to get some minor things done in order for me to feel right. When I saw him waving the WORD OF YAHWEH, I felt a strong warm sensation, so overpowering that I could jump out my seat belt and through the window. I believe it's what we Jesus Followers call, the BLESSING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. I've never felt such power go through me, except the time when my uncle was drugged up and tried to kill my mother and I fought him off, I felt the same warm sensation but not as powerful.

That day I saw the truth, I saw everything that blinded my eyes, I saw demons, I saw shadows, I saw light in areas that the darkness was around. I'm still overwhelmed with the feeling I got, going from that Strong Warm Powerful sensation, to a sad, humbling feeling. It's weird, and I can't describe it. At the moment I saw my good old friend Salvador, I felt like the rocks when Jesus passed through on the donkey into Jerusalem. My insides, were ready to be released, My eyes were completely opened, and amongst the traffic, the music in the car, I could faintly hear Salvador preach.

Please, someone help me understand what I must do. Best solution is pray, but this feeling hasn't left me since I first felt it @1:20 PM Today.
 
FunK-3-FivE

FunK-3-FivE

Sicc OG
#12
Jun 17, 2004
849
2
0
#12
The Red Sin said:
Please, someone help me understand what I must do. Best solution is pray, but this feeling hasn't left me since I first felt it @1:20 PM Today.
Click to expand...
There has got to be some part of you that knows what to do, follow it.

And P.S. don't let fear cripple your motivation.

Recognize any kind of fear (i.e. fear of ridicule, fear of failure, fear of what your mates might think) and confront it dead on, you'll know when a fear arises because any time you question or doubt yourself this is fear at work.

Obviously something inside you wants change, and I hope for your sake that you're restless until you turn it into action.
 
2

2-0-NINE

Sicc OG
#14
Mar 12, 2005
8,118
17
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#14
Thanks Funk, major Props, man I feel like an animal ready to break from his shell. My Next step is to step into a pool of water and submerge myself, followed by a new Beginning, I think it's because God has finally given me a job, has given me such a prosperous year, and it's so overwhelming to know, he's always there. There were times in my life he was there, well HE was there all the time. But this year is different, I pray, and almost anything I NEED, not want, happens. I'm so overwhelmed for reals.
 
nhojsmith

nhojsmith

Sicc OG
#15
Dec 8, 2005
669
0
36
#15
nothing can exceed potential. next time you have a breakthrough and realize you have accomplished more than you thought possible, youll realize YOU were the real barrier standing in the way. and i mean thats not a bad thing, it shoud motivate you to push further and see what you are realy capable of. this is a happy thread.
 
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