i guess now is as good a time as any...i havent posted as much as i used to, cuz shit has just been hectic. almost three weeks ago, i had my graduation. The next week, i had my 18th b-day. then one week later, my dad died on the day my family was leaving for hawaii. The night before, this friday the 25th, we had my best friend and his family over for dinner, to kinda celebrate leaving for hawaii. my dad didnt eat with us, as he was rushing around trying to pack for the trip. he always had high blood pressure, never saw a doctor, and was overweight. otherwise, he was still in good health. so, he was under a lot of stress over all the things that had been goin on. anyway, at about 9 15 at nite, he complains of a migraine, and he NEVER gets migraines, let alone headaches...so he goes and lies down on his bed. about 9 30, he goes outside, sits down in a lawn chair and starts sleeping. about 9 45, im gettin ready to go out for the nite, just to chill with some friends. im postin on the siccnes at the time, and i hear this snoring. my dad always snores when sleeps, but usually really deeply, long and deep, usual snoring, ya know. anyway, this was really quick and not deep, and sounded problematic, as if it was a machine or something was having trouble breathing. i soon realized it was my dad. so i thought nothing of it, just thought he was sleeping. so i leave, and i come back at about 12 30. hes still outside, and i wake and ask my mom "should we wake him up?" and my mom said "no, he'll be fine and he'll come in when he wants." so, i stay up till about 3, and the whole time i hear the same unbroken snoring, jsut the same soundi heard at 9 30...like a saw sawing wood. totally unbroken. so i go outside, right before i go to sleep. and honestly, there was something eerie, like i didnt want to bother him. he head was slumped to the side, as if he couldnt hold it up and his hands were dangling on the sides of the chair. i thought nothing of it and went to bed at 3. 3 hours later, at 6 in the morning, my hysterical mom shouts "HE DIDNT COME INSIDE LAST NITE! OH WILLIAM, HES NOT BREATHING!" shes on the phone with 911, just going insane, and that only made the situation worse. i hope i never have to hear her like that again. she was just hysterical, wailing and shit. so i bolt the fuck outside in my boxers, and i see my dad sitting there. shit was just haywire at the point. i saw blood on his t-shirt and shorts, and coming out of his nose and mouth. so the dispatcher on the fone tells me to try to give him CPR. i lift him out of the chair, and cuz of initial shock, i thought for a second he could still be alive, until as im laying him on the ground, his head smacks the ground. then i knew he was dead. anyway, i squeeze his nose, and more liquid and blood comes out. at this point, his tongue was deep purple and so was his face. he was gone. i couldnt give him CPR, cuz he was gone. i just couldnt do it. then the Fire Department shows up, and i saw that they had what looked like a cardiograph machine, and i asked "does he have a heartbeat?" and they said unfortunately, no. then i went insane. its just so unfucking believable. hes up and around one nite, and dead the next. turns out he had a massive brain hemorrage, where u brain basically explodes and is flooded with blood. just two days before, he took me to my orientation at SFSU and paid for my tuition. my mom cant do that. its just hard, cuz he worked so hard for my family and did everything. i got two little brothers that are gonna grow up without him, and my mom, who doesnt know anything, (financially). it was just so sudden. tomorrow i have to pick out the burial site, and then friday is the funeral. shit is so hard. sorry to type all this, but i just had to get it off my chest. just thinkin of him never gonna be at my wedding, or my college graudation. fuck.
