KNow what would be funny
- Thread starter Kidd North
- Start date
Check out the section called "Classic Posts" on the main "Siccness" forums board--- It's not exactly that, but it's Brotha Lynch Hung Crip-walkin moderators in training with laptops, and it's hilarious.
It's based on "Full Metal Jacket"
I quoted the beginning of it as in the "classic" thread below. There's a lot more to it.
It's based on "Full Metal Jacket"
I quoted the beginning of it as in the "classic" thread below. There's a lot more to it.
Casa de Thought presents: FULL MODERATOR JACK IT pt1
Well it's finally here (again). One THOUSAND post. I'll spare you the speech and just get right into it. But first, you should know that I worked on this for weeks. Lot's of
research, lot's of reading, lot's of typing. A shit load of typing actually. Second, yes, it is based on the movie, Full Metal Jacket, hopefully you've seen it. Although I did not
include every scene from the flick, I think you will be happy with what I did include. Third, thank you all for taking the jokes, stories, and one-liners in good humor. I have no
true enemies on this board and I would gladly buy any of you the first round of beers if we ever had the pleasure of meeting in real life.
-Deep Thought
"Someone get the lights please."
"Thank you."
FULL MODERATOR JACK IT
PARRIS ISLAND, SC - MODERATOR RECRUIT TRAINING BASE, BARRACKS, EARLY MORNING – DAY 1
Moderator recruits stand at attention in front of their machines. Master Gunnery Sergeant Vamps walks along the line of blank-faced recruits.
Vamps: “I am Master Gunnery Sergeant Vamps, your Senior Moderator Instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your
filthy cock garages will be "Sir!" Do you maggots understand that? “
Recruits: (in unison) “Sir, yes, real talk, sir! “
Vamps: “Bullshit! I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair of subwoofers!”
Recruits: (louder) “SIR, YES, REAL TALK, SIR!”
Vamps: “If you ladies leave my island, if you survive moderator training you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for stupidumbitch posts. But until that day
you are square bears! You're the lowest form of life on the board. You are not even first posting newbies! You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of Peasant member
shit!
Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair! There is no bigotry here! I do not look down on white boys
with braids, Laker lovers, Triple Sicx fans or netbanging dumbasses. Here you are all equally worthless! And my orders from Siccness HQ are to weed out all non-hackers who
do not pack the operating systems to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?”
Recruits: (in unison) “Sir, yes, real talk, sir!”
Vamps: “Bullshit! I can't hear you!”
Recruits: (louder) “SIR, YES, REAL TALK, SIR!!”
Sergeant Vamps stops in front of a female recruit, Private Sweets.
Vamps: “What's your name, web slut?”
Sweet916: (shouting) “Sir, Private Sweets, sir!”
Vamps: “Bullshit! From now on you're Private No Balls! Do you like that name?
Sweet916: (shouting) “Sir, yes, sir!
Vamps: “Well, there's one thing that you won't like, Private No Balls! We don't post pics of Crip Tuppaware parties on a daily basis on my message board!
Sweet916: “Sir, yes, sir!”
Deep Thought: (whispering) “Bwhahahahahaha!”
Vamps: “Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little I-Candy forum monkey spanker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The
fairy fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing! I will e-mail you deleting instructions until you fucking die! I'll e-mail you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk!”
Sergeant Vamps grabs Private Shea by the shirt.
Vamps: “Was it you, you baldheaded little fuck, huh?!”
SHEA: “Sir, no, sir!”
Vamps: “You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking ARTIST! I'll bet it was you!”
SHEA: “Sir, no, sir!”
Deep Thought: “Sir, I said it, sir!!”
Sergeant Vamps steps up to Private Deep Thought.
Vamps: “Well...no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my office and change my
HTML code.”
Sergeant Vamps punches Private Deep Thought in the stomach. Deep sags to his knees.
Vamps: “You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your IP address! You will not post! You will not read! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you. Now get up! Get
on your feet! You had best un-fuck yourself or I will unseat your CPU and shit on your hard drive!”
Deep Thought: “Sir, yes, sir!”
Vamps: “Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Moderating Corps?”
Deep Thought: “Sir, to delete, sir!”
Vamps: “So you're a deleter!”
Deep Thought: “Sir, yes, sir!”
Vamps: “Let me see your delete face!”
Deep Thought: “Sir?”
Vamps: “You've got a delete face? AAAAAAAAAGGGH! That's a delete face. Now let me see your delete face!”
Deep Thought: “Aaaaaaaagh!”
Vamps: “Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see your real delete face!”
Deep Thought: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH!”
Vamps: “You wouldn't have stopped me from posting a ‘What’s your favorite Lynch track?’ thread! Work on it!”
Well it's finally here (again). One THOUSAND post. I'll spare you the speech and just get right into it. But first, you should know that I worked on this for weeks. Lot's of
research, lot's of reading, lot's of typing. A shit load of typing actually. Second, yes, it is based on the movie, Full Metal Jacket, hopefully you've seen it. Although I did not
include every scene from the flick, I think you will be happy with what I did include. Third, thank you all for taking the jokes, stories, and one-liners in good humor. I have no
true enemies on this board and I would gladly buy any of you the first round of beers if we ever had the pleasure of meeting in real life.
-Deep Thought
"Someone get the lights please."
"Thank you."
FULL MODERATOR JACK IT
PARRIS ISLAND, SC - MODERATOR RECRUIT TRAINING BASE, BARRACKS, EARLY MORNING – DAY 1
Moderator recruits stand at attention in front of their machines. Master Gunnery Sergeant Vamps walks along the line of blank-faced recruits.
Vamps: “I am Master Gunnery Sergeant Vamps, your Senior Moderator Instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your
filthy cock garages will be "Sir!" Do you maggots understand that? “
Recruits: (in unison) “Sir, yes, real talk, sir! “
Vamps: “Bullshit! I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair of subwoofers!”
Recruits: (louder) “SIR, YES, REAL TALK, SIR!”
Vamps: “If you ladies leave my island, if you survive moderator training you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for stupidumbitch posts. But until that day
you are square bears! You're the lowest form of life on the board. You are not even first posting newbies! You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of Peasant member
shit!
Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair! There is no bigotry here! I do not look down on white boys
with braids, Laker lovers, Triple Sicx fans or netbanging dumbasses. Here you are all equally worthless! And my orders from Siccness HQ are to weed out all non-hackers who
do not pack the operating systems to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?”
Recruits: (in unison) “Sir, yes, real talk, sir!”
Vamps: “Bullshit! I can't hear you!”
Recruits: (louder) “SIR, YES, REAL TALK, SIR!!”
Sergeant Vamps stops in front of a female recruit, Private Sweets.
Vamps: “What's your name, web slut?”
Sweet916: (shouting) “Sir, Private Sweets, sir!”
Vamps: “Bullshit! From now on you're Private No Balls! Do you like that name?
Sweet916: (shouting) “Sir, yes, sir!
Vamps: “Well, there's one thing that you won't like, Private No Balls! We don't post pics of Crip Tuppaware parties on a daily basis on my message board!
Sweet916: “Sir, yes, sir!”
Deep Thought: (whispering) “Bwhahahahahaha!”
Vamps: “Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little I-Candy forum monkey spanker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The
fairy fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing! I will e-mail you deleting instructions until you fucking die! I'll e-mail you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk!”
Sergeant Vamps grabs Private Shea by the shirt.
Vamps: “Was it you, you baldheaded little fuck, huh?!”
SHEA: “Sir, no, sir!”
Vamps: “You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking ARTIST! I'll bet it was you!”
SHEA: “Sir, no, sir!”
Deep Thought: “Sir, I said it, sir!!”
Sergeant Vamps steps up to Private Deep Thought.
Vamps: “Well...no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my office and change my
HTML code.”
Sergeant Vamps punches Private Deep Thought in the stomach. Deep sags to his knees.
Vamps: “You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your IP address! You will not post! You will not read! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you. Now get up! Get
on your feet! You had best un-fuck yourself or I will unseat your CPU and shit on your hard drive!”
Deep Thought: “Sir, yes, sir!”
Vamps: “Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Moderating Corps?”
Deep Thought: “Sir, to delete, sir!”
Vamps: “So you're a deleter!”
Deep Thought: “Sir, yes, sir!”
Vamps: “Let me see your delete face!”
Deep Thought: “Sir?”
Vamps: “You've got a delete face? AAAAAAAAAGGGH! That's a delete face. Now let me see your delete face!”
Deep Thought: “Aaaaaaaagh!”
Vamps: “Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see your real delete face!”
Deep Thought: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH!”
Vamps: “You wouldn't have stopped me from posting a ‘What’s your favorite Lynch track?’ thread! Work on it!”
