Joke

[Justin]

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.

She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to......to....cut it off are you?!"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

 

[Justin]

Joke

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

"Do you know what I’m doing?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies. "You’re checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."

"That’s right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I’m doing now?"

"You’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.

"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I’m doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You’re getting herpes—which is what I came here about in the first place."

 

[Justin]

Joke

A man doing market research knocks on a door. He is greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

"I'm doing some research for Vaseline," he says: "Have you ever used the product?"

"Yes," she replies: "My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" he asks.

"We use it for sex," she replies.

The researcher is a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge," he says: "But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

"I don't mind telling you at all," the woman says: "My husband and I put it on the door knob to keep the kids out."

 

[Justin]

Joke

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.

Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other’s needs. Heidi was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began.

After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said,“I have a problem…It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.” Heidi replied, “Okay,” to which he asked, “Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?”

Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.

The guy then asked, “Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?” Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.

Then the guy said, “Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.” Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.

Finally, the guy said to Heidi, “Do you mind if I call you Phil?” Heidi had now become very dejected, and said “No, I guess not, you can call me Phil.”

So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted “Phil, you won’t believe who I have been sleeping with!”

 

[ultrazyn1]

entensity.net

 

[Defy]

 

[infinity]

 

[NAMO]

 

[Mike Manson]

Husband asks his wife: "Say one sentence that makes me happy and sad at the same time!"

Wife answers: "You have the biggest dick in the whole neighborhood!"

 

[Rossibreath]

Those jokes aren't funny

 

[prodigy91]

Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says

"Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".

. . .to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the

train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all

day"

"Did you get a blow job?"

"Naw, I couldnt find her head"

 

[Mari go DumB]

Husband asks his wife: "Say one sentence that makes me happy and sad at the same time!"

Wife answers: "You have the biggest dick in the whole neighborhood!"

Haha.

 

[ColdBlooded]

 

[Rossibreath]

Those jokes r about as funny as cancer.


When I was a kid I said that in front of a guy wit cancer and he got mad. Lol

 

[Gemini]

 

[VanD]

 

[PRaY4U1LUV]

Baby seal walks into a club..

You know why Magic Johnson beat aids? Cuz he's got a Magic Johnson.

You know what MAGIC stands for? My Ass Got Infected Coach.

You know you don't get aids from sex anymore you get it from magic.

 

[PRaY4U1LUV]

What's the first thing a woman does after she gets home from the battered woman's shelter?
The fuckin dishes if the bitch knows what's good for her.

What's black white and blue all over and hates sex?
The bitch tied up in my basement.