TNA Impact... review? I dunno man.
Allright so here we go... TNA on Monday night.
Hulk comes out with Abyss so I guess we're doing the main event first... LoL. Who the fuck is writing this? The announcer that isn't Tazz does a pretty good job of justifying why Hogan is even "wrestling" again. When the fuck are they going to kill this the storyline about the WWE Hall of Fame ring? Soooo.... the WWE ring gives Abyss super powers? I don't follow.
Dixie Carter is fecking het. What is she... 60? Botox does old people wonders.
AJ Styles is walking like Ric Flair... This is horrible already. I'm glad I watched Raw.
OK so Hogan gets kicked in the back of the head and all of a sudden Sting comes out. Yay. And... Sting joins Flair/AJ... So there isn't going to be a match. This is a good thing. Is this supposed to be like a Bizarro NWO?
Even when he's laying in Hogans blood, Abyss is still waving that ring around...
They just turned the match into a no DQ for later tonight. It's nice to see a quick follow up with Dixie talking to Sting. It's rare to see any follow up to matches/run-ins With that said... I don't need to see AJ/Flair jibber jabber on the mic. Why are we promo-ing a match that had a whole fucking match and Sting run-in to promote itself? WTF? WOOOO?
Abyss does a Mick Foley impression, and Brooke Hogan acts poorly.
Do they give every motherfucking wrestler that steps into the ring a fucking mic? Just STFU and wrestle. Who the fuck is this guy and why does he look like Razor Ramon?
Too many X division wrestlers at once. Am I actually supposed to like this Razor Ramon wannabe and the bald dude with eyeliner and no eyebrows over the cool British guy? I don't know who any of these people are besides the bald guy, and I don't care. These guys are all talking about what they've done for the X Division, and OF COURSE, out walks Bischoff. Dude can't go two matches without putting himself on TV. Damn he looks old as fuck. He just said he's going to make the X Division run "bigger faster and stronger... Get my drift?"
That was a doc on steroids in sports. I'm wondering if he was saying he's going to make everyone in X Division take more roids.
I walked away to get the mail for a minute during this match... Because I care so much about it.
This is fucking boring. I should have stayed outside and fought with my neighbor.
Shannon Moore comes out with a faggot mowhawk. So I guess that makes Hardy a lock, even though we knew that already.
WAIT A FUCKING SECOND! They just cut a whole 10 minute promo about how those two guys did so much in the past 7 years, and they should be champ.. and then here comes Shannon Moore and Bischoff gives him a title shot at the ppv. Why did we waste so much time establishing these three characters just to step on them for some faggot who hasn't done shit in 5 years? Even when Shannon Moore is having his best day, he's annoying. That is the best way I can describe him... Annoying.
These hot broads are wearing Bret Hart colors. That is illogical in a number of ways.
I want to fuck the shit out of Daffne (however it's spelled).
All in all this show is better than Raw was. Nothing about Raw has changed yet, but we'll see what happens after WM.
You know Sting is going to have to fight RVD, but after the guy that's not Tazz said something like "Who will Sting have to face tonight?" Tazz is like... "What were you doing at 4:20 this morning?"
WTF is that even supposed to mean? In the words of RVD... Whatever.
Here comes Sting. This guy is horrible. I was never a fan. That's not true. I was a fan of California volleyball Sting way back in the day. Once he turned Crow Sting, I said "No". He should get back with the Warrior or do an angle where they fued for some reason. You know Warrior is sitting by the phone waiting for TNA to call.
FUCKING 1,2,3 SQUASH ON STING BY RVD. But at least Sting no sells and gets the bat to RVD. This worked out as a good angle and I hope they don't fuck it up by forgetting that these two even fought. It seems like TNA never bothers to follow up with fueds. After Sting beat the shit out of RVD the way he did, and after beating the shit out of referees, hopefully they.. oh here comes Hogan...
Hogan has a fucking bandaid on his head but he didn't bother to wash the blood off his face in the 30 mins he had backstage. Why is security holding back Hogan when he runs the company? And this whole time the fake NWO music is playing. So while Sting is beating the shit out of EVERYONE with a bat and meyhem is taking place in the ring, you have the NWO tune as the soundtrack. Interesting. It's also interesting that Hogan came out just to get his ass beat, and they're STILL playing the "Oh Terry don't do it, your knees" angle with Hogan and all of his friends. I don't feel sympathetic when Bubba the Fucking Love Sponge is worried about you. I would actually rather see you get beat the fuck up if you're friends with Bubba the Fucking Love Sponge.
Here comes Super Shredder to address Hall and X-Pac. Who cares. Keep Hall, make him actually work out or be fired, and fire X-Pac. Waste of TV time. LoL. He says that they're going to have a match at the X Something PPV.
Hall is racist chants... I don't know what that's about. ::shrug::
Why is X-Pac doing the crotch chops still? He's promoting a WWE brand every time he does that.
WTF is this bullshit with TNA having security for EVERY wrestler?
Hall just said "Shizzow". Oh dear. This guy is really out of touch. He reminds me of my father only more drunk. If they win at the PPV they get a TNA contract.
Who the fuck is Eric Young? I dunno but Bischoff just called X-Pac a bitch and called a match. This is working out to be a good show. Eric Young wins it with a piledriver. Haven't seen that for a minute. Is Eric Young even a wrestler? He seems like an MMA fighter who wants to be a wrestler.
For some reason the army just arrived to the Impact Zone. I guess they are gonna stand on the ramp while Kurt Angle walks to the ring. That reminds me, did they ever get Samoa Joe back from those ninjas? So Kurt looks like a badass as usual. Oh shit I forgot...
ANDERSON!
Anderson.
This whole angle is stupid. They couldn't figure out how to work patriotism into their program so they wrote a whole angle about Kurt Angle losing some medal he supposedly got from a soldier. Kurt Angle is still a pimp and Anderson is my favorite guy at the moment so I don't give too much of a fuck as long as the two get a mic every night.
ANDERSON!
Oh shit the US Army is fucking with Anderson. LoL. US Army soldiers fake punch better than Yoshi Tatsu, and they're still horrible.
Earl Hebner is asking for a second chance for something. I don't know what. But Hogan does a good job of keeping the backstage segments "real". He's like "Earl I love you but I got a lot of shit right now please just piss off for a minute brother". He didn't say that, but that's how it came off, and it played really well as far as "reality" goes. Hogan is like "Brother, my family is worried about me and if I'm knocked the fuck out brother, you gotta call the match, promise me that." Great backstage segment.
They even have a graphic with Abyss holding the ring to the camera like he's the Green Fucking Lantern.
Jeff Jarrett can not speak on camera anymore.
Why is Foley special ref for Beer Money vs. Jarrett? One of the Beer Money guys just nudged Foley, and Foley turned around and pretended to be completely lost for like 5-6 seconds before turning back around. He's fuckin' hilarious.
Jarrett just grabbed them both by the head and banged them together. That shit... is oldschool. Foley gives jarrett a fuckin' barbed wire bat... "Bang bang". Then another ref jumps in and takes it from him, and counts the fall to Beer Money. Why?
I wanna fuck Brooke Hogan.
These backstage segments are dope as fuck. Even Brooke Hogan is killing it. Someone give this bitch an Oscar. They're kind of hyping up the match as if he's going to die in the ring.
So here we go. The big main event. Wasn't Sabu supposed to show up? Where's Hardy? Whatever. So Hogan goes out of the ring to ger Flair, and I should mention that I'm more interested in seeing these two fight than I thought I'd be, but it's exactly what I expected. Anyway Hogan goes out to get Flair and Hogan straight OLD MANNED IT. He had to kneel down first then lay his chest down, then slowly roll himself out of the ring. It was like a 4 step process. LoL. He's gagging Flair with his bandanna.
Flair is crimson mask style right now. Dude is leaking as usual. You aren't going to see this on WWE. Flair is taking a fucking beating. Jesus Christ. At this point, this guy is more of a crash test dummy than a wrestler. He doesn't even fight anymore, he's just paid to bleed. They clearly decided that what they lacked in wrestling skills, they'd make up for in blood.
Flair goes for a snapmare on Hogan and Hogan doesn't snap, he just kind of falls over. LoL.
I think Flair just got clotheslined by an invisible person.
Abyss is Hulking up with his fucking WWE Hall of Fame ring. Vince McMahon must laugh at that.
Hogan and Abyss just Hulked up in unison and dropped boots and shit. This is stupid. Why of all people Abyss? It doesn't make sense. that's like dressing up a black guy in Macho Man costumes and calling him Black Machismo. That would be like if you had a dude in a mask pretending to be Stone Cold Steve Austin. That would be like having a guy who already copies the Mankind gimmick, copying Hulk Hogan so that it's Mankind pretending to be Hulk Hogan.
That would be ridiculous.
Pope, Wolfe and Hardy eventually make their way out, and he looked pretty good (no Tatsu), but Spike had to cut out before he landed the Swanton Bomb.
Great fuckin' show, for the mostpart. I'm really looking forward to see what's up the next few weeks going into Wrestlemania.
Allright so here we go... TNA on Monday night.
Hulk comes out with Abyss so I guess we're doing the main event first... LoL. Who the fuck is writing this? The announcer that isn't Tazz does a pretty good job of justifying why Hogan is even "wrestling" again. When the fuck are they going to kill this the storyline about the WWE Hall of Fame ring? Soooo.... the WWE ring gives Abyss super powers? I don't follow.
Dixie Carter is fecking het. What is she... 60? Botox does old people wonders.
AJ Styles is walking like Ric Flair... This is horrible already. I'm glad I watched Raw.
OK so Hogan gets kicked in the back of the head and all of a sudden Sting comes out. Yay. And... Sting joins Flair/AJ... So there isn't going to be a match. This is a good thing. Is this supposed to be like a Bizarro NWO?
Even when he's laying in Hogans blood, Abyss is still waving that ring around...
They just turned the match into a no DQ for later tonight. It's nice to see a quick follow up with Dixie talking to Sting. It's rare to see any follow up to matches/run-ins With that said... I don't need to see AJ/Flair jibber jabber on the mic. Why are we promo-ing a match that had a whole fucking match and Sting run-in to promote itself? WTF? WOOOO?
Abyss does a Mick Foley impression, and Brooke Hogan acts poorly.
Do they give every motherfucking wrestler that steps into the ring a fucking mic? Just STFU and wrestle. Who the fuck is this guy and why does he look like Razor Ramon?
Too many X division wrestlers at once. Am I actually supposed to like this Razor Ramon wannabe and the bald dude with eyeliner and no eyebrows over the cool British guy? I don't know who any of these people are besides the bald guy, and I don't care. These guys are all talking about what they've done for the X Division, and OF COURSE, out walks Bischoff. Dude can't go two matches without putting himself on TV. Damn he looks old as fuck. He just said he's going to make the X Division run "bigger faster and stronger... Get my drift?"
That was a doc on steroids in sports. I'm wondering if he was saying he's going to make everyone in X Division take more roids.
I walked away to get the mail for a minute during this match... Because I care so much about it.
This is fucking boring. I should have stayed outside and fought with my neighbor.
Shannon Moore comes out with a faggot mowhawk. So I guess that makes Hardy a lock, even though we knew that already.
WAIT A FUCKING SECOND! They just cut a whole 10 minute promo about how those two guys did so much in the past 7 years, and they should be champ.. and then here comes Shannon Moore and Bischoff gives him a title shot at the ppv. Why did we waste so much time establishing these three characters just to step on them for some faggot who hasn't done shit in 5 years? Even when Shannon Moore is having his best day, he's annoying. That is the best way I can describe him... Annoying.
These hot broads are wearing Bret Hart colors. That is illogical in a number of ways.
I want to fuck the shit out of Daffne (however it's spelled).
All in all this show is better than Raw was. Nothing about Raw has changed yet, but we'll see what happens after WM.
You know Sting is going to have to fight RVD, but after the guy that's not Tazz said something like "Who will Sting have to face tonight?" Tazz is like... "What were you doing at 4:20 this morning?"
WTF is that even supposed to mean? In the words of RVD... Whatever.
Here comes Sting. This guy is horrible. I was never a fan. That's not true. I was a fan of California volleyball Sting way back in the day. Once he turned Crow Sting, I said "No". He should get back with the Warrior or do an angle where they fued for some reason. You know Warrior is sitting by the phone waiting for TNA to call.
FUCKING 1,2,3 SQUASH ON STING BY RVD. But at least Sting no sells and gets the bat to RVD. This worked out as a good angle and I hope they don't fuck it up by forgetting that these two even fought. It seems like TNA never bothers to follow up with fueds. After Sting beat the shit out of RVD the way he did, and after beating the shit out of referees, hopefully they.. oh here comes Hogan...
Hogan has a fucking bandaid on his head but he didn't bother to wash the blood off his face in the 30 mins he had backstage. Why is security holding back Hogan when he runs the company? And this whole time the fake NWO music is playing. So while Sting is beating the shit out of EVERYONE with a bat and meyhem is taking place in the ring, you have the NWO tune as the soundtrack. Interesting. It's also interesting that Hogan came out just to get his ass beat, and they're STILL playing the "Oh Terry don't do it, your knees" angle with Hogan and all of his friends. I don't feel sympathetic when Bubba the Fucking Love Sponge is worried about you. I would actually rather see you get beat the fuck up if you're friends with Bubba the Fucking Love Sponge.
Here comes Super Shredder to address Hall and X-Pac. Who cares. Keep Hall, make him actually work out or be fired, and fire X-Pac. Waste of TV time. LoL. He says that they're going to have a match at the X Something PPV.
Hall is racist chants... I don't know what that's about. ::shrug::
Why is X-Pac doing the crotch chops still? He's promoting a WWE brand every time he does that.
WTF is this bullshit with TNA having security for EVERY wrestler?
Hall just said "Shizzow". Oh dear. This guy is really out of touch. He reminds me of my father only more drunk. If they win at the PPV they get a TNA contract.
Who the fuck is Eric Young? I dunno but Bischoff just called X-Pac a bitch and called a match. This is working out to be a good show. Eric Young wins it with a piledriver. Haven't seen that for a minute. Is Eric Young even a wrestler? He seems like an MMA fighter who wants to be a wrestler.
For some reason the army just arrived to the Impact Zone. I guess they are gonna stand on the ramp while Kurt Angle walks to the ring. That reminds me, did they ever get Samoa Joe back from those ninjas? So Kurt looks like a badass as usual. Oh shit I forgot...
ANDERSON!
Anderson.
This whole angle is stupid. They couldn't figure out how to work patriotism into their program so they wrote a whole angle about Kurt Angle losing some medal he supposedly got from a soldier. Kurt Angle is still a pimp and Anderson is my favorite guy at the moment so I don't give too much of a fuck as long as the two get a mic every night.
ANDERSON!
Oh shit the US Army is fucking with Anderson. LoL. US Army soldiers fake punch better than Yoshi Tatsu, and they're still horrible.
Earl Hebner is asking for a second chance for something. I don't know what. But Hogan does a good job of keeping the backstage segments "real". He's like "Earl I love you but I got a lot of shit right now please just piss off for a minute brother". He didn't say that, but that's how it came off, and it played really well as far as "reality" goes. Hogan is like "Brother, my family is worried about me and if I'm knocked the fuck out brother, you gotta call the match, promise me that." Great backstage segment.
They even have a graphic with Abyss holding the ring to the camera like he's the Green Fucking Lantern.
Jeff Jarrett can not speak on camera anymore.
Why is Foley special ref for Beer Money vs. Jarrett? One of the Beer Money guys just nudged Foley, and Foley turned around and pretended to be completely lost for like 5-6 seconds before turning back around. He's fuckin' hilarious.
Jarrett just grabbed them both by the head and banged them together. That shit... is oldschool. Foley gives jarrett a fuckin' barbed wire bat... "Bang bang". Then another ref jumps in and takes it from him, and counts the fall to Beer Money. Why?
I wanna fuck Brooke Hogan.
These backstage segments are dope as fuck. Even Brooke Hogan is killing it. Someone give this bitch an Oscar. They're kind of hyping up the match as if he's going to die in the ring.
So here we go. The big main event. Wasn't Sabu supposed to show up? Where's Hardy? Whatever. So Hogan goes out of the ring to ger Flair, and I should mention that I'm more interested in seeing these two fight than I thought I'd be, but it's exactly what I expected. Anyway Hogan goes out to get Flair and Hogan straight OLD MANNED IT. He had to kneel down first then lay his chest down, then slowly roll himself out of the ring. It was like a 4 step process. LoL. He's gagging Flair with his bandanna.
Flair is crimson mask style right now. Dude is leaking as usual. You aren't going to see this on WWE. Flair is taking a fucking beating. Jesus Christ. At this point, this guy is more of a crash test dummy than a wrestler. He doesn't even fight anymore, he's just paid to bleed. They clearly decided that what they lacked in wrestling skills, they'd make up for in blood.
Flair goes for a snapmare on Hogan and Hogan doesn't snap, he just kind of falls over. LoL.
I think Flair just got clotheslined by an invisible person.
Abyss is Hulking up with his fucking WWE Hall of Fame ring. Vince McMahon must laugh at that.
Hogan and Abyss just Hulked up in unison and dropped boots and shit. This is stupid. Why of all people Abyss? It doesn't make sense. that's like dressing up a black guy in Macho Man costumes and calling him Black Machismo. That would be like if you had a dude in a mask pretending to be Stone Cold Steve Austin. That would be like having a guy who already copies the Mankind gimmick, copying Hulk Hogan so that it's Mankind pretending to be Hulk Hogan.
That would be ridiculous.
Pope, Wolfe and Hardy eventually make their way out, and he looked pretty good (no Tatsu), but Spike had to cut out before he landed the Swanton Bomb.
Great fuckin' show, for the mostpart. I'm really looking forward to see what's up the next few weeks going into Wrestlemania.
