NEW YORK (AP)- Females, under the impression that a Lexus is actually a fantastic automobile, were in for a shock when a new study revealed that they were actually just glorified Toyotas.
"I was devastated," said 29 year old Tammy, a regional marketing sales director in Douglaston, Queens, "I mean, I used to tell people with Audis and Porsches that my SC430 was better. To my surprise, I now realize it is really just a Toyota Solara and I paid out my ass for a car with an 'L' on it!"
Daniel Burrows, of Glen Cove, was not shocked in the least. "I bought my wife a Camry last year with the leather package, and before I gave it to her, I swapped the badges, inside and out, to make the car look like an ES300. She has not a clue, and I have an extra fifteen grand in my pocket. Thanks Toyota!"
Strangely enough, most American males have the ability to determine that a Lexus is simply a done-up Toyota. Women, however, seem to be hardpressed to figure this out. The shocking revelation came after a team of female research scientists from Columbia University visited Toyota and Lexus factories across both the United States and Japan. After doing several chemical tests, they determined, without any doubt, that Toyota does basically no modifications to their vehicles when sold under the Lexus name. A fact not known to most Americans is that the infamous IS300 is actually called the Toyota Altezza when sold in Japan. The Altezza is actually less expensive and comes with more features in its Japanese clothing, however it is not available in the US.
One of the researchers went undercover as a reporter for The Japan Times. "It's laughable, really!" says Fujio Cho, President and CEO of Toyota. "Americans have no idea how ripped off they are getting. Funny, you don't look like a Japanese reporter."
So what does the future hold for American women who love this car company? "Probably nothing," says Mike Lansing, a Toyota salesman from Freehold, New Jersey, "since I've been working here, I've seen many men attempt to make their wives buy a Land Cruiser instead of the LX470. I mean, even a moron can see that these two trucks are identical, except the $10,000 difference in price. But for some reason, their wives aren't swayed. I think the study should have looked into whether or not Lexus does brainwashing in their adverstisements."
Perhaps there is hope. Wendy Williams, a housewife from Quogue, New York, said that she was forced to take a ride in a Toyota Highlander when her RX330 was in for repairs. "I can't believe it, my RX330 is actually a worthless piece of shit and somehow I never noticed. I was so concerned with owning a Lexus that I didn't realize how much of my husband's money I wasted."
What does the future hold for Lexus? Hopefully, after this study, their design engineers will work harder to distinguish the Camry from the ES, the Altezza from the IS, the Avalon from the GS, the Solara from the SC, the Highlander from the RX, and the Land Cruiser from the LX. But for now, Americans looking for luxury should focus their attention elsewhere. Luxury cars shouldn't be loosely based on a garbage economy car. Anyone up for a trip to the BMW dealer?
"I was devastated," said 29 year old Tammy, a regional marketing sales director in Douglaston, Queens, "I mean, I used to tell people with Audis and Porsches that my SC430 was better. To my surprise, I now realize it is really just a Toyota Solara and I paid out my ass for a car with an 'L' on it!"
Daniel Burrows, of Glen Cove, was not shocked in the least. "I bought my wife a Camry last year with the leather package, and before I gave it to her, I swapped the badges, inside and out, to make the car look like an ES300. She has not a clue, and I have an extra fifteen grand in my pocket. Thanks Toyota!"
Strangely enough, most American males have the ability to determine that a Lexus is simply a done-up Toyota. Women, however, seem to be hardpressed to figure this out. The shocking revelation came after a team of female research scientists from Columbia University visited Toyota and Lexus factories across both the United States and Japan. After doing several chemical tests, they determined, without any doubt, that Toyota does basically no modifications to their vehicles when sold under the Lexus name. A fact not known to most Americans is that the infamous IS300 is actually called the Toyota Altezza when sold in Japan. The Altezza is actually less expensive and comes with more features in its Japanese clothing, however it is not available in the US.
One of the researchers went undercover as a reporter for The Japan Times. "It's laughable, really!" says Fujio Cho, President and CEO of Toyota. "Americans have no idea how ripped off they are getting. Funny, you don't look like a Japanese reporter."
So what does the future hold for American women who love this car company? "Probably nothing," says Mike Lansing, a Toyota salesman from Freehold, New Jersey, "since I've been working here, I've seen many men attempt to make their wives buy a Land Cruiser instead of the LX470. I mean, even a moron can see that these two trucks are identical, except the $10,000 difference in price. But for some reason, their wives aren't swayed. I think the study should have looked into whether or not Lexus does brainwashing in their adverstisements."
Perhaps there is hope. Wendy Williams, a housewife from Quogue, New York, said that she was forced to take a ride in a Toyota Highlander when her RX330 was in for repairs. "I can't believe it, my RX330 is actually a worthless piece of shit and somehow I never noticed. I was so concerned with owning a Lexus that I didn't realize how much of my husband's money I wasted."
What does the future hold for Lexus? Hopefully, after this study, their design engineers will work harder to distinguish the Camry from the ES, the Altezza from the IS, the Avalon from the GS, the Solara from the SC, the Highlander from the RX, and the Land Cruiser from the LX. But for now, Americans looking for luxury should focus their attention elsewhere. Luxury cars shouldn't be loosely based on a garbage economy car. Anyone up for a trip to the BMW dealer?
