I went to the video store lastnite, and since the young chick with the ghetto ass wasn't working and it was just some aging broad with leathery skin, I asked her if they had any copies of "Pulp Friction," a porn. She typed it up on the computer and goes, "Nope, that was one checked out already tonight."
My face got kind of red and I was like, "Thanks anyway.."
Then she goes, "Wait...there may be another one over here in the cart."
She goes over and bends her nasty ass over in the "Just Returned" videos.
I craned my neck around to the computer screen and saw the name of the jackass who rented my porn:
"Russ R. Daffron" was dude's name.
She continued to bend her fat ass over and I memorized the squarebear's address and of course it was in an "Apt 14." Some little crib where he could yank his crank in his air conditioned climate alone. That was my fuckin movie!
So I rented some 80's flick called "Something Wild" just as a decoy. It's rated R and I'm sure Melanie Griffith takes her pants off at least once in that movie.
Regardless, I went next door to the grocery store and bought a six-pack of fuckin eggs and a 22 of Icehouse. I got out my map in the back of my car, put on my black stocking cap and black Orenthal gloves, and drove to this cocksucker's crib. I took some swigs of my Icehouse on the way while riding low so cops wouldn't be suspicious.
I found the bastard's crib with ease...it was in a dark apartment place. I found "Apt 14" and went around the back and set up some eggs. It was dark and I tried to look in dude's window (he was on the second floor), but of course he had the blinds pulled. I could see a faint light behind the curtain. I drank the rest of the Icehouse while wearing my black OJ gloves and chucked the bottle way back into some woods.
I had this bastard.
I crept up the stairs to dude's apartment and was getting really nervous as I crouched and put my ear to his door. It was like clockwork....I could hear some gentle moaning....I was pissed that he was yanking to the porn that I was susposed to be GMJO to.
I peered around and then reared my fist back. With my black leather glove I held my hand steady and counted quietly, "One...two...three..."
I slammed my fist as hard as I could on his door SEVEN TIMES.
SEVEN TIMES! Then I screamed, "OPEN UP SPANKY!!"
Clearly he was in there yanking his pants up because I heard some scruffling around and VCR turning off...the static blasting really loud.
Then I BOOKED down the steps and hid under them. A few moments passed and dude opened the door. I guess he looked around. Then he closed and locked the door. I ran to the field behind his crib, busted out the 6 eggs and threw them as fast as I could at his huge window/sliding door at his porch, landing each egg on the fuckin sliding door.
Then I hauled ass back UNDER the stairs and hid. Suddenly I heard a pissed, blue-balled motherfucker running down the stairs and out into the field, WAY out into the field. I booked up the stairs and saw that his door was WIDE the FUCK open, and I swiftly crept into his apartment and pushed "eject" on his VCR and RIPPED that damn tape out of there!
I ran my ASS off to my rig, got in it, and sped out of that apartment complex. As I drove out of sight and knew nobody was chasing me, I looked at the tape. Sure enough, it was "Pulp Friction."
I've already beat off to the damn thing twice and I plan on going for the hat trick. This fuckin movie is MINE. And no, I did nothing illegal. I stole from a VIDEO STORE, not from him. Those videos are replacable.
For Russ fuckin Daffron's sake, he better have some backup porn for tonight.
Earn your fuckin jerk, son. Earn your fuckin jerk.
D-Money
-out
My face got kind of red and I was like, "Thanks anyway.."
Then she goes, "Wait...there may be another one over here in the cart."
She goes over and bends her nasty ass over in the "Just Returned" videos.
I craned my neck around to the computer screen and saw the name of the jackass who rented my porn:
"Russ R. Daffron" was dude's name.
She continued to bend her fat ass over and I memorized the squarebear's address and of course it was in an "Apt 14." Some little crib where he could yank his crank in his air conditioned climate alone. That was my fuckin movie!
So I rented some 80's flick called "Something Wild" just as a decoy. It's rated R and I'm sure Melanie Griffith takes her pants off at least once in that movie.
Regardless, I went next door to the grocery store and bought a six-pack of fuckin eggs and a 22 of Icehouse. I got out my map in the back of my car, put on my black stocking cap and black Orenthal gloves, and drove to this cocksucker's crib. I took some swigs of my Icehouse on the way while riding low so cops wouldn't be suspicious.
I found the bastard's crib with ease...it was in a dark apartment place. I found "Apt 14" and went around the back and set up some eggs. It was dark and I tried to look in dude's window (he was on the second floor), but of course he had the blinds pulled. I could see a faint light behind the curtain. I drank the rest of the Icehouse while wearing my black OJ gloves and chucked the bottle way back into some woods.
I had this bastard.
I crept up the stairs to dude's apartment and was getting really nervous as I crouched and put my ear to his door. It was like clockwork....I could hear some gentle moaning....I was pissed that he was yanking to the porn that I was susposed to be GMJO to.
I peered around and then reared my fist back. With my black leather glove I held my hand steady and counted quietly, "One...two...three..."
I slammed my fist as hard as I could on his door SEVEN TIMES.
SEVEN TIMES! Then I screamed, "OPEN UP SPANKY!!"
Clearly he was in there yanking his pants up because I heard some scruffling around and VCR turning off...the static blasting really loud.
Then I BOOKED down the steps and hid under them. A few moments passed and dude opened the door. I guess he looked around. Then he closed and locked the door. I ran to the field behind his crib, busted out the 6 eggs and threw them as fast as I could at his huge window/sliding door at his porch, landing each egg on the fuckin sliding door.
Then I hauled ass back UNDER the stairs and hid. Suddenly I heard a pissed, blue-balled motherfucker running down the stairs and out into the field, WAY out into the field. I booked up the stairs and saw that his door was WIDE the FUCK open, and I swiftly crept into his apartment and pushed "eject" on his VCR and RIPPED that damn tape out of there!
I ran my ASS off to my rig, got in it, and sped out of that apartment complex. As I drove out of sight and knew nobody was chasing me, I looked at the tape. Sure enough, it was "Pulp Friction."
I've already beat off to the damn thing twice and I plan on going for the hat trick. This fuckin movie is MINE. And no, I did nothing illegal. I stole from a VIDEO STORE, not from him. Those videos are replacable.
For Russ fuckin Daffron's sake, he better have some backup porn for tonight.
Earn your fuckin jerk, son. Earn your fuckin jerk.
D-Money
-out
