It was at an Applebee’s or Ruby Tuesdays or some shit like that. Anyway, I went in to use the can and there was this handicapped guy already in there, doing his best to belly up to the sink to wash his hands. This guy had both physical and mental impairments – misshapen pin head, uneven close-set eyes, fucked up teeth, heavy metal leg braces, and a bad haircut. He also used those combo arm brace / crutch things with the handles and forearm cuffs to get around. I felt pretty bad for him.
It was one of those situations where you really wonder what to do – if you make eye contact, dude may think you’re gawking at him. I’m sure he gets tired of being stared at like he was some fucking side show freak. If you don’t make eye contact, you run the risk of making the guy feel like he’s too gross to even look at, or worse, what if he really needed some help or something and you just ignore the poor sumbitch? So I decided to say hi and ask how he was doing.
He seemed glad to not be ignored, and said, “Aahm do okaaayy but aye ty-errrrd do-dayyyy. Myyy na is Mawk.” So I said, “No shit, man, it’s been a long hot day already, hasn’t it? You must be pretty tired, what with all that gear you’re humping. I’ll be done in a minute. Let me know if I can give you a hand with the door”.
“Okaaayy. Dat dorrrrrrr hebbieeee. Dank youuu”.
So I finished up taking a leak and started washing my hands, all the while wondering how long it had taken ‘Mawk’ to do the same – simple and necessary tasks that we all take for granted and complete quickly, with minimal thought or effort. To top it off, there is no way he could open that heavy fuckin door by himself – you know the kind. Christ – maybe he had been stuck in there for hours.
It was about that time that I noticed how wet and slippery the floor was. There was a recently used mop and bucket in the corner, but no ‘Caution Wet Floor’ sign anywhere in sight. I guess mop boy swabbed and bailed as fast as he could, so he didn’t have to lower himself to saying hi to the feeb.
I got to thinking how easy it would be for even a fully physically able person to fall and bust their ass, much less my handicapped new friend. I made some crack to him about owning the joint if I fell on their sopping wet floor, which he thought was hilarious. I continued with lame jokes about never having to work again – maybe I would just sit at the bar of my newly acquired restaurant and drink all day, or better yet; be the host and welcome all the patrons with, “Hello, welcome to Deep Thought's Applebee’s! Watch your step!” Hell… I was on a roll, and had a captive audience.
He was laughing his ass off – snorting, gasping and clanking away in spasmodic fits, all the while spitting out his own one-liners: “Det mee dwiiink, I durstee nowww!” “Huwwy opppp or I fie yu asssss!” “Mawwwwk Appledeeee” “Huh Hnah Huh Hah HnaH!!” Watch you steppppp I own youuuuuuu!” “Mawwwwwk Apppledeeee!”
It was clear he hadn’t had this much fun in ages. We were both cracking up and I had tears coming from my eyes. Anyway, I had to go so I offered to get the door for him and let him go first, but he declined – said he wanted to wash his hands again. I told him I didn’t mind waiting, but he said he could handle it. “I god iddd”, he said through a huge crooked smile. At this point, I didn’t want to insult him or his independence, so I just told him thanks for the laugh, and wished him a good day. Off I went through the huge oak door with the gaudy brass handle.
Just as the door was gliding shut behind me, I heard an awful crash inside. It was a horrible sound, not unlike a car crash – a sound you never forget. Muffled cries of, “Hepp Mbeee! Hepp Mbeeee!!!” came from the crack under the door. As images of twisted metal, broken glass, and shattered bones filled my head, an eerie calm came over me and I realized Mawk was gonna be fine.
Mawk was gonna get over – Rack Mawk Appledeeee!
(That, or maybe he had just slipped and busted his head open. I didn’t go back to find out.)
@Deep Thought
s appleby story?
@Mixerr
review it.
