Do you want to have that perfect six pack to show off in your hidden camera sexcapades?
Ever wonder why people call you tubby? Here is a hint, its because you're fat.
Have you ever been caught urinating on a bums shopping cart while he was asleep in it?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are a loser.
But I can help.
With my revolutionary new diet and workout, you too can be shallow and scoff at the imperfections of others.
I know what you must be saying. "But Donkey, I'm a fat, unmotivated slob that sits in front of a computer in a cubical and eat blocks of cheese. How can I get the perfect body?"
Well, here is how it works.
My patented work out technique takes all the guess work out of counting calories and carbs and will motivate you to get that perfect body your overly proportionate hot girl friend bangs your UPS guy for.
You see, the problem with 6 Second abs is, its takes six seconds. That means you have to get up, look for the contraption and actually do the exercise yourself. Who wants that? No one, that's who. People often tout the liquid diet, like the Hollywood Diet and some other one that sucks as well.
Through the miracle of 17th century technology, I have combined the ab crunching power of 6 Second abs and the diarrhea of a liquid diet into one easy to use product.
"What is this miracle product, Donkey?"
I'll tell you. Salmonella, otherwise know as food poisoning.
"But I heard that that is bad! How does it work?"
Its quick, easy, and fast! Using my program, you are guaranteed to lose up to 50 pounds in the first week, without having to become a grubby bulimic. You simply eat the raw, spotted chicken breast that comes in each kit, and let nature take its course. In a matter of hours, you will be dry heaving your way to the six pack of your dreams! Even better is the motivational value. There is none! All dry heaving is involuntary and it is relentless. Salmonella doesn't care if you can't take one more painful wretch session before you pass out. It pushes your body to the limit and then shatters your spirit and will to live.
If you act within the next 37 seconds, I will throw in ANOTHER spoiled chicken breast at no extra cost to you. But wait there is more!
"How much more can there be?!"
Not much, so shut your face.
If you promise to tell a friend about my new workout program, I will slash the price of the package to an miniscule amount of seven easy payments of $29.95.
The package includes:
2 chicken breasts that our team pf scientists have left in the sun at strategic positions throughout the day.
1 instructional video on how to properly attack this diet.
The number for 911.
All this and more can be yours. Lets hear some testimonials:
Fat piece of shit from Bangor, ME writes;
Dear Donkey,
I fucking hate you. You made me violently ill for the past month. I've lost my job, my apartment, and my gay lover. No amount of pain I could wish upon you would be enough to ease my suffering. I hope you get raped by an elephant with herpes.
Love,
Fat piece of shit.
PS: I lost 89 pounds thanks to your diet.
There you have it, another success story. Don't be shy, order yours today!
Call 603-413-2340
OR
Mail a self addressed stamped envelope to:
Donkey's Salmonella Miracle Diet
97 Manipulation Ave. Suite 132
Manchester, NH 03106
Ever wonder why people call you tubby? Here is a hint, its because you're fat.
Have you ever been caught urinating on a bums shopping cart while he was asleep in it?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are a loser.
But I can help.
With my revolutionary new diet and workout, you too can be shallow and scoff at the imperfections of others.
I know what you must be saying. "But Donkey, I'm a fat, unmotivated slob that sits in front of a computer in a cubical and eat blocks of cheese. How can I get the perfect body?"
Well, here is how it works.
My patented work out technique takes all the guess work out of counting calories and carbs and will motivate you to get that perfect body your overly proportionate hot girl friend bangs your UPS guy for.
You see, the problem with 6 Second abs is, its takes six seconds. That means you have to get up, look for the contraption and actually do the exercise yourself. Who wants that? No one, that's who. People often tout the liquid diet, like the Hollywood Diet and some other one that sucks as well.
Through the miracle of 17th century technology, I have combined the ab crunching power of 6 Second abs and the diarrhea of a liquid diet into one easy to use product.
"What is this miracle product, Donkey?"
I'll tell you. Salmonella, otherwise know as food poisoning.
"But I heard that that is bad! How does it work?"
Its quick, easy, and fast! Using my program, you are guaranteed to lose up to 50 pounds in the first week, without having to become a grubby bulimic. You simply eat the raw, spotted chicken breast that comes in each kit, and let nature take its course. In a matter of hours, you will be dry heaving your way to the six pack of your dreams! Even better is the motivational value. There is none! All dry heaving is involuntary and it is relentless. Salmonella doesn't care if you can't take one more painful wretch session before you pass out. It pushes your body to the limit and then shatters your spirit and will to live.
If you act within the next 37 seconds, I will throw in ANOTHER spoiled chicken breast at no extra cost to you. But wait there is more!
"How much more can there be?!"
Not much, so shut your face.
If you promise to tell a friend about my new workout program, I will slash the price of the package to an miniscule amount of seven easy payments of $29.95.
The package includes:
2 chicken breasts that our team pf scientists have left in the sun at strategic positions throughout the day.
1 instructional video on how to properly attack this diet.
The number for 911.
All this and more can be yours. Lets hear some testimonials:
Fat piece of shit from Bangor, ME writes;
Dear Donkey,
I fucking hate you. You made me violently ill for the past month. I've lost my job, my apartment, and my gay lover. No amount of pain I could wish upon you would be enough to ease my suffering. I hope you get raped by an elephant with herpes.
Love,
Fat piece of shit.
PS: I lost 89 pounds thanks to your diet.
There you have it, another success story. Don't be shy, order yours today!
Call 603-413-2340
OR
Mail a self addressed stamped envelope to:
Donkey's Salmonella Miracle Diet
97 Manipulation Ave. Suite 132
Manchester, NH 03106
