It was my 22nd birthday and my buddies and I headed to downtown Omaha where all the fun is and that is a sad statement as downtown isn't all that fun. So we hit all the bars way too early in the day. We started drinking at noon and kept going until the bars closed down at 1am. Now I was drinking really weak beer to keep myself from going outside and emptying the contents of my stomach on the sidewalk and then passing out. However some of my friends did not think that far ahead and started pounding shots and mixed drinks. At least 2 of my buddies had to go and take naps at the hotel rooms we got to sleep off some of the liquor before the clubs opened up.
At about 8:30 the clubs opened up and we made our way to them. At this point out of the ten guys that had started the day with us we still had all ten. Pretty good for what some of them were putting down. We got to the first club and spent the rest of the night there. Drinking, hitting on the females, drinking, and did I mention drinking?
Well 1am hit and we exited the clubs. Now cops are always present when the bars and clubs let out figuring they can get an easy catch for people being drunk in public. My friends and I are very drunk but we know enough to shut up and just walk to the hotel. Well everyone but my friend Josh.
Josh was fucked up. On top of the alcohol he drank I am pretty sure he did a few lines while at the club. Fucker was out of control. As we came out of the club there was one female cop standing in front of the door. Josh just came out spinning in circles yelling shit.
Josh: I AM THE TAZMAINIAN DEVIL!!!
Me: Josh shut up and calm down.
At this point Josh sees the female cop and goes up to her.
Josh: Damn baby you fine.
Cop: Sir please step away from me.
Josh: its okay baby I'm cool. I need to know something?
Cop: What sir?
Josh: I need to know where all the high-class pussy for sale is.
Cop: Excuse me sir?
Josh: You know hookers, streetwalkers, tricks, ....
Me: She understands asshole.
Cop: Sir are you asking me where you can solicit sex?
Josh: Hell no. That's illegal and sick. I just want to know where I can find some chick that will let me fuck her and give her a Dirty Sanchez for money.
At this point I know he is going to jail and so does everyone else. Now we are just trying to figure out a way to back out of this slowly. As we all start backing up the cop looks at us and tells us to get back to where her and Josh were. Josh was still digging his hole.
Josh: Listen I want the high-class whores all right. Not any of those bitches you see on Cops. I need my bitched to have all of they're teeth. Wear nice clothing. And they must have an amazing body.
Whatever you slack jawed hick. You would take any pussy you could get.
Cop: Sir I am going to have your friends go ahead and take you home and count yourself lucky I don't take you in.
Josh: Take me anywhere you want baby.
Me: Dipshit she is a cop. Lets go back to the hotel.
Josh: Fuck off man! I think I would know a cop when I see one. Fucking pigs.
Motherfucker she is wearing the full cop gear. She even has the hat. How fucked up are you? At this point I am imagining the Rodney king beating with Josh in it. That made me smile.
Josh: Now how much for some anal and a Dirty Sanchez?
Cop: What?
Great he just solicited sex from a cop who wasn't even undercover. Who the fuck has ever done that? Sweet loving Christ, leave it up to one of my friends to be the first.
Cop (taking out her cuffs): Sir you are under..
At that moment a huge fight of like 20 dudes broke out right down the street from us. It looked pretty bad.
Cop: Shit! Listen you guys get him out of here and put him to bed.
She started to run down the street toward the fight. Josh was just screaming at her.
Josh: Come on baby! Can't we come to a deal!?
We got the asshole back to the hotel. However everytime we passed a woman he kept asking them "how much". The next morning he woke up with no memory of the night before. When we told him what happened all he could say was.
Josh: Well did I get the Dirty Sanchez?
At about 8:30 the clubs opened up and we made our way to them. At this point out of the ten guys that had started the day with us we still had all ten. Pretty good for what some of them were putting down. We got to the first club and spent the rest of the night there. Drinking, hitting on the females, drinking, and did I mention drinking?
Well 1am hit and we exited the clubs. Now cops are always present when the bars and clubs let out figuring they can get an easy catch for people being drunk in public. My friends and I are very drunk but we know enough to shut up and just walk to the hotel. Well everyone but my friend Josh.
Josh was fucked up. On top of the alcohol he drank I am pretty sure he did a few lines while at the club. Fucker was out of control. As we came out of the club there was one female cop standing in front of the door. Josh just came out spinning in circles yelling shit.
Josh: I AM THE TAZMAINIAN DEVIL!!!
Me: Josh shut up and calm down.
At this point Josh sees the female cop and goes up to her.
Josh: Damn baby you fine.
Cop: Sir please step away from me.
Josh: its okay baby I'm cool. I need to know something?
Cop: What sir?
Josh: I need to know where all the high-class pussy for sale is.
Cop: Excuse me sir?
Josh: You know hookers, streetwalkers, tricks, ....
Me: She understands asshole.
Cop: Sir are you asking me where you can solicit sex?
Josh: Hell no. That's illegal and sick. I just want to know where I can find some chick that will let me fuck her and give her a Dirty Sanchez for money.
At this point I know he is going to jail and so does everyone else. Now we are just trying to figure out a way to back out of this slowly. As we all start backing up the cop looks at us and tells us to get back to where her and Josh were. Josh was still digging his hole.
Josh: Listen I want the high-class whores all right. Not any of those bitches you see on Cops. I need my bitched to have all of they're teeth. Wear nice clothing. And they must have an amazing body.
Whatever you slack jawed hick. You would take any pussy you could get.
Cop: Sir I am going to have your friends go ahead and take you home and count yourself lucky I don't take you in.
Josh: Take me anywhere you want baby.
Me: Dipshit she is a cop. Lets go back to the hotel.
Josh: Fuck off man! I think I would know a cop when I see one. Fucking pigs.
Motherfucker she is wearing the full cop gear. She even has the hat. How fucked up are you? At this point I am imagining the Rodney king beating with Josh in it. That made me smile.
Josh: Now how much for some anal and a Dirty Sanchez?
Cop: What?
Great he just solicited sex from a cop who wasn't even undercover. Who the fuck has ever done that? Sweet loving Christ, leave it up to one of my friends to be the first.
Cop (taking out her cuffs): Sir you are under..
At that moment a huge fight of like 20 dudes broke out right down the street from us. It looked pretty bad.
Cop: Shit! Listen you guys get him out of here and put him to bed.
She started to run down the street toward the fight. Josh was just screaming at her.
Josh: Come on baby! Can't we come to a deal!?
We got the asshole back to the hotel. However everytime we passed a woman he kept asking them "how much". The next morning he woke up with no memory of the night before. When we told him what happened all he could say was.
Josh: Well did I get the Dirty Sanchez?
