Dealing with death for me is not an easy thing, when i was about 10 years old, my mom died, i used to go to church and all that shit, but after she died i couldnt bear to go no more, i felt betrayed, until last month, i was unable to attend funerals or even visit my moms grave, I felt as if i did I would be next, I do not believe in religion nor god, I felt if i was to visit the grave or go to a funeral i would have a complete breakdown, death is the hardest thing you can deal with in life, the way i see it, death is an escape from reality, but yet, suicide is by far not the answer, but yet the thought is always in my mind that there is no god and nothing to save me, I have no idea where i will go when i die, but i do believe in ghosts, and im sorry if this makes no sense, but it is very hard for me to speak on the subject