Damn.....(time killers and more)

[mustynutz]

http://www.galumpia.co.uk/pages/adult_2.htm#

Believe it or not its safe for work...i swear (and im not kidding ) ....no really ...(it is safe)

 

[mustynutz]

This is my big thank you from a fellow american...aint this a bitch

Unreal.

I had to go to the post office today to mail a bunch of various things and to send my tax papers to my accountant. Upon my arrival, a little old lady approached me with that deer-in-the-headlights look.

"Sir!" she screamed. Only little old ladies call me sir. Hot chicks usually refer to me as "asshole" or "that cute guy that I could never fuck because he's so nice and oh doesn't he look like my brother lol????"

This poor little old lady's steering column was locked. She informed me that her mechanic said it had to be her fault. I grabbed the keys and tried, figuring she was too weak to get the wheel in position to start the car.

I pulled that fucker as hard as I could in either direction. Nope. Ignition isn't budging.

"Ma'am, I'm going to call my pop to see what he has to say about this. I'll drop these letters off and by the time I get back I'll have an answer for you."

"OH THANK YOU!" I had just given this old lady her first orgasm in forty years, and I didn't even touch her!

That's why they call me The Magician.

But as you'll soon see, they should call this bitch The Magician, and put her mugshot next to the damn headline.

So I go in, mail my shit, call my pop, get advice, and come out. The little old lady is gone. Her car is locked up. I go on a relentless quest to find this poor old lady. What happened to her? Did the stress of the events send her on a schizophrenic Alzheimer's ride into oblivion? Will they find her in a ditch, notice the partial fingerprint on her coat, and think I killed her or something? OH NO! I HAVE TO FIND THIS LITTLE OLD LADY!

No I didn't have to do shit. After five minutes of searching everything within a 500 foot radius of the post office, I said fuck it and went to Subway for a footlong Subway club with American, hold the L&T, sweets and pickles, HONEY MUSTARD BABY.

And KC Masterpiece chips. And a soda.

"Will that be all?" said the token East Indian Subway cashier. How come all the cashiers in the Subway commercials are hot blondes, but every fucking Subway I frequent has only East Indian employees? The same shit happens at Dunkin Donuts too. All Indians, but hot blondes on the commercials. Only Krispy Kreme's advertisements are accurate. The cashier's a fat black mama with those scrumtious donuts in her hand smiling. And when you walk into Krispy Kreme, there she is, just waiting for you to take a big sugary bite out of her -

"Yep, that'll be all."

"Eight oh seven."

I checked out the wallet. Seven bucks.

"Oh, shit, I only have seven bucks."

"Well, sir, you can use credit card here. Visa, Master Card, American Express, Deescova."

Sir again. Add East Indian to that list. And what the fuck is Deescova?

"Sweet, I'll use Vis -

Oh no.

No.

There's no way.

I'm obsessive compulsive. Do you know what that's like? Let me give you an example. When someone gives me a $100 bill, my mind tells me every five minutes that I lost it. So I routinely organize and reorganize my entire wallet every five minutes. One look at my wallet and you'll know I'm not lying. It's impeccable. Sometimes I'll reorganize it unconsciously. Sometimes I'll wake up out of my sleep and my fucking wallet is in my hand. The ironic thing about OCD is that it's complete insanity. You do things for no reason. I've never lost a thing out of my wallet. Ever. Ever.

Ever. And I didn't lose anything this time.

But my Visa card was gone.

I left the Subway hoagie on the counter. I got in my car. I did 100 miles per hour on a fifty in Jersey, which is tantamount to saying "Please lock me up right now and oh by the way here's my license throw it in the shredder for all I care hahahaha lololol"

I parked somewhere in that post office lot and searched for that bitch's red car. Gone.

"DID YOU SEE A LITTLE OLD LADY OUTSIDE HERE WITH A RED CAR HER STEERING WHEEL WAS LOCKED SHE ASKED ME FOR HELP BUT GODDAMN IT SHE STOLE MY CREDIT CARD ARGH THAT BITCH I OUGHTA -"

As I'm rattling off my life story to no one in particular, my cell phone rings.

"Yeah."

"[insert bank name] Fraud Alert center, please state your purchase and pass code."

"My car was stolen by a little old lady. Whatever is going on with my account, it's fraud. Arrest the bitch on the spot!"

"Sir, this isn't about [insert card], this is about opening a new account in -"

"No. No new accounts. Fraud. I'm glad you called. This is fucking fraud. No no no no no. Do not let whoever is masquerading as me pass go. Arrest those people immediately."

"Sir, we cannot do that. This person is attempting to set up an account in [insert some fucking island]"

Doesn't this shit only happen in the movies? I mean, fuck, Woody Harrelson got his shit jacked by a little old lady on the train in White Men Can't Jump. Remember that? She jacked all his cash meant for the bookies and then the bookies beat the shit out of him later on while Wesley Snipes fucked that bitch in bed. I felt like that at this juncture. I was getting fucked up the ass by some little old lady con artist while somewhere, in another part of the state, some jock was banging the hot ass chick that I saw while getting my coffee this morning at Wawa.

Wow.

"FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD. Don't let whoever do anything with my account. Good bye."

I got calls from all three credit agencies throughout the day. I now have to basically lock down my life and wait this thing out. I'm in the middle of trying to move, too. This is NOT good. I don't need this right now.

All because I tried to help a little old lady start her car.

If this is the reward that I get for helping my fellow American, then, in the words of the late great Notorious B.I.G. and Method Man:

Fuck the world, don't ask me for shit.

Epilogue:

It wasn't the little old lady that jacked me. Apparently it was someone earlier in the day, most likely in the convenience store. The card had an attempted use on it early in the morning. I did NOT drop it. It had to be pickpocketed. Hell, it might have been that really hot chick that I saw at the Wawa that did it. For the public record, if you are a really hot chick with straight shoulder length brown hair, grey pants, and KILLER BODY, and you were at the Cinnaminson, NJ Wawa on Church Road today on Monday, March 21, 2005, around 8:15 a.m., and you stole my credit card, I hope you burn in hell, but if you didn't steal it, would you care to go to dinner, or possibly marry me and have my kids and everything else because you're the most beautiful girl I've laid eyes on in oh a quarter century and I'm only 26, the end.

If I could speak French like my co-worker I'd translate this whole fucker for you.

 

[mustynutz]

The Nut Crunch

The "Hickory Nut crunch" Chocolaty chewy, coco and nuts"

I was a mean little fucker when I was younger. I used to give kids wedgies, purple nurples, titty twisters, Covered wagons you name it I did it. (Hey that shit is funny to me what? Bitch?) So I'm going to tell you about a time me and my friend James gave this kid a thing called a hickory nut crunch. (James if you ever read this you will know who I am)

I was about 11 years old at the time. In 5th grade. It was the greatest year of my young life. I just started playing baseball and I was the best runner at track and such. I used to go play at my friends neighborhood in the more middle class section of my small town. There was the usual suspects always the crew of us 6 little rug rats running around. Doing fun things like playing crochet through everybody's yard, Push over, Hockey, Vacant lot football. It was fun I tells yah.

I used to hang out with one of my really good friends named James. James was a fat kid. A very fat kid with blond hair and blue eyes. He came from a southern ass country family. Know joke he still spoke with little twangs and shit in his voice. He was Fat just like his brother and his dad. He had big ol' Bitch Tit's as we like to call them. Plus James was the kid I fucked with the most. He was always running his mouth so that would get him a swift punch to the gut, or else a wedgie over his head (I was 11 shit) but we were still close friends. He was just the smartass friend that everyone had and always got smacked when he did stupid shit because you all know kids like that. That's the only way he would shut up and calm down.

Down the street there was this kid named Randy. Now Randy at an early age we could all tell he was going to be a little pretty boy fuck. He was only 2 years younger than us and he was really good at baseball (Majors at 9 years old that's really fucking good) plus he had a rich family. He always had the newest shoes, flyest's Jordan's; He was another dirty blond blue eyed kid. He was an amazing athlete even at our young age. His family and James family were really close. But there was a problem... James hated him. James hated him a lot. Maybe it was because he was skinny(fat boys have skinny envy just the way lesbo's have penis envy) and he was a pretty boy or else it was the fact that James dad was always praising Randy in front of him or else the family outings the would go on but James really did not like his little ass. So one day we were playing baseball and James devised a plan. The conversation went like this...

Chris: what do you want to do today fatty?

James: I thought of something funny. I'm going to "Stomp on Randy's dick"

Chris: Really? Hahahahha that's fucking hilarious (I cussed at that age, yeah I'm a badass) How are you going to do it?

James: I don't know. We need to get him on the ground. Let's give him a Hickory nut crunch'

Chris: What the fuck is that?

James: it's where someone lays on the ground you pull there legs up and you Stomp on there nuts. (Giggling a bit as his belly jiggled)

Chris: Ok let's do it.

So we proceed to go to James backyard and find Randy playing catch with James little brother John. We call Randy over and just pretend to start playing sports with him on the grass with the old school nerf football (with the zoom, fuck yeah the zoom) then James started to act all nice towards Randy and starts off with the words...

James: Randy do you want a Hickory nut crunch?

Randy: What's that?

James: It's a candy bar. It's pretty good. It has coco and nuts in it.

Me: It's chocolaty Chewy coco and nuts" (singing it, what honor choir Bitches!)

Randy: Really

Me: yeah man that's the song from the commercial.

Randy: Ok, you guys give me one.

James: Ok you have to lay on your back lift your legs and close your eyes before I give it to you.

Randy: Why would I do that?

James: If you do it I will give you 2. I tried to get John's fatass to do it but he wouldn't. Just do what I tell you and you will get it. (Fat people making fun of fat people is hilarious!)

Randy: Fine then.

He then proceeds to lay on his back close his eyes and let James life his legs. I watched half excited and half well fucking laughing. James then proceeds to say to him "are you ready'? Randy replies yes. Then James yells "HERE COMES THE HICKORY NUT CRUNCH" And he stomped on his balls with all his might. I heard a Yelp" and Randy popped up so fast and then fell over and started Balling and crying. I was on the ground dying with laughter and so was James with his fat ass jumping up and down. We see Randy on the ground holding his balls crying. Then Johns Dad comes out side and asked what happened. Randy tells him that we stomped on his penis. And at first his dads face is red with anger and he asks us why we did it. The conversation went like this.

Big Daddy: JAMES- JOEL- ANDERSON. Why did you stomp on his penis?

James: Daddy he asked us to. We asked him if he wanted a hickory nut crunch and he said yes and we gave it to him.

Big Daddy: What? Really? Ohmigod ahahahahahahahahha


James dad started roaring with laughter and it was quite a thing to see a 300 pound man laughing his ass off until tears came out his eyes. Randy was still crying and later he had to go to the hospital to get his balls checked. Shit I wonder if he can have children now.
Just warning if someone asks' you if you want a hickory nut crunch say no man really say no. God I'm a little fucker. But that was the funniest shit ever. You should have seen his little ass rolling around grabbing his balls. HAH!

"Chocolaty Chewy, coco and nuts"

 

[mustynutz]

My daughter brought home a new friend. I believe her name is Xu-Shwang, but I could be wrong, I've never been good with remembering names, expecially not foriegn names. Her family must be new to the country- Xu's english is choppy and heavily accented.

They play in the sandbox constantly. I feel guilty about this, because I know it's full of cat-poop. I don't think they can get sick from cat-poop, so I let them play. Kids will be kids! I stand there in my robe, flicking my cigarette into the drain and sipping my margarita, watching them from the window.

Gloria clambers up to the porch and yells to me, "Mom, we're giong to Xu's house!". I nod at her from my place at the window, and she runs back to the sandbox where Xu is still sitting, hands submurged in the sea of sand and cat-poop.

I can hear the commercial ending on the t.v., so I quickly soak my cigarette butt in a stream of water, throw it in the trash, and go back to the couch. It's nice that Gloria has a friend, I need this time to relax and watch my soaps without inturruption.

After a few weeks of this I become curious about Xu's family, as any good mother would. I wonder what they are like, and I'm interested to meet the people my daughter has been spending time with. Maybe her mother will cook sweet-and-sour chicken for us.

"Mom, we're going to Xu's house!"

"Wait! Wait!" I rush to the door and slip my flip-flops on. "I'd like to meet Xu's parents, I'll come with you today!" Gloria gives me a blank look, shrugs, and walks slowly to the sandbox.

The sun accosts my eyes when I leave the house, bugs fly at me from every angle, I start sweating right away. I hate being outside! I crouch down near the sandbox, watching them dig. They seem to really have some drive and ambition at such a young age- throwing sand about and diging with purpose.

"Are you girls ready?" I say, wiping the sand from my mouth. They promptly ignore me. I see that they have dug down to something... a hole. A hole! This can't be safe! Cat poop in the sandbox was the least of my worries- the whole sandbox seems to be lacking in structural integrity!

whooosh

Xu is gone.

whooosh

Gloria is gone.

They fell in the hole! My daughter fell in a hole in the sandbox! I put my chocolate aside, and rush over to peer in. I can feel gravity pulling me towards the hole- it's like a vacuum (me, being a dust-bunny). Before I know it, the entire top half of my body is inside the hole.

I kick my legs furriously- I try to grab hold to the earth. The suction is too much, and my entire body quickly falls in.

At this point I blacked out.

When I came to I was a bit confused. I've never been the type of woman to have fainting spells (of course, I'm used to passing out after a few strong margaritas, but that is a different feeling, entirely). The sky above me was unremarkable, but the rest is worth remarking on.

I was in a field, surrounded by nothing but other fields populated by people with pointy white hats. I laid there, silently, trying to get my bearings, and I was very relieved to see the girls come out of the thatched house that sat off to my right. I did take a second to wonder how a house that appeared to be made of sticks could stand for more than a day, but I quickly turned my attention back to the girls. They didn't seem hurt.

"Mom, get up... come meet Xu's parents." I looked over their shoulders and saw two small chinese people come out the door and walk towards me. I couldn't tell the mother from the father- they were both dainty and feminine looking to my western eyes.

Apparently Gloria had managed to dig a hole to China. I hope they have a t.v. in there... my soaps would be starting in a minute.

 

[mustynutz]

My wife left me a few years ago for a cat she dated in high school. I never divorced her, just kinda swept the situation under the rug and moved on with my life. Not the best of ideas, but who gives a fuck, I was moving to Europe in a few weeks, fuck it, right? WRONG!!! I get a call last night while at my local Belgian watering hole and my cell phone rings.

Doc: Hello sir, yes I'm Doctor Maxwell calling from County General.
Drunken Me: Okay, what?
Doc: Yes, I'm calling on behalf of your wife, Biotch (not really her name). She tried to commit suicide a few hours ago and your name was put as reference in case of an emergency.
Drunken Me: Why the fuck would she do that shit?
Doc: Uhh, Maybe because you are her husband sir.
Drunken Me: Hey doc.
Doc: Yes?
Drunken Me: Didn't you notice that you called a phone number out of the country?
Doc: Uhh, yes.
Drunken Me: So it's safe to assume that with me being here and her being there, that I aint with that trifling hoe? Right.
Doc: I suppose.
Drunken Me: With that being said, you tell her I'll see her in hell since she tried to off herself, and make sure you send the bill to the nigga she's with. Fuck you, good night. click

Not ten minutes later, I get a call from my in-laws, asking me to take her back and all this bullshit. Apparently, she's been so fucked up on whatever she could get her hands on, came up hot on a drug test and got fired. Here lies my dilemma, I said for better or for worse and all that sappy bullshit, but I'm torn between crazy psycho bitch or fine European pussy. People of Uberland, what the fuck should I do? I'm leaning towards the pussy!!! Holla back at me, peace.

 

[mustynutz]

Gangsta-not to be confused with "gangster"- Penguins are the shit. They come straight out of Antarktika(purposely spelled with "k's" instead of "c's" cause who has got the balls or the flippers to tell a gangsta penguin what to do). Now, i know alot of you may be asking yourselves "A gangsta penguin? How do i get one of those?". Well you dont get one. You cant own one. If you are some hippy rare animal collector you are probably a weirdo like Michael Jackson and you should go play in rotating helicopter blades. Besides, you cant own one cause that would be slavery adn aint nobody gonna hold no penguin down!

Now, gangsta penguins are rare, but they are badass. I will let you decide on the fate of that when i introduce you to State Farm-The Gangsta Penguin. "State Farm, thats an odd name" you may say to yourself. Where does it come from? Well, like a good neighbor State Farm is there- wether it be to comfort your wife while you are at work or to bitchsmack old people that drive slow and smell funny. He doesnt take shit from noone-especially that imposter Chilly Willy(punk-ass penguin bitch).

I know what you are wondering now, what does he look like. Well, like a penguin, moron, but a gangsta one! He has a platinum beak, a "50 Cent like" scar on his face from an incident with some bitch-ass killer whales outside a nightclub, crazy amounts of "bling-bling" he got off ebay(yes, penguins have the internet), and a patch on his left eye from a knife fight he got into with a jealous mother penguin(he cut that bitch up good).

State Farm will be releasing his first album-"The Arctic-2001". When questioned about the album title by a nosy ass reporter about how it was being released in 2004 and the title says 2001 State Farm pecked that fool to death! He really dislikes reporters ever since his babies mama released incriminating photos of State Farm and some fifteen year old penguin bitch(ala R-Kelly style).

Thats it for now and stay tuned because State Farm The Gangsta Penguin will soon be a household name!

 

[mustynutz]

must post pictures....the siccness will remain interested...too many word




and i present.

DJMARK7 @ age 16

 

[mustynutz]

When I was 8, the worst thing I ever did repeatedly was piss on my mailbox, because I was too lazy to go back inside the house. Maybe it's just me, but it seems as if today's youth is completely different then it was 8 years ago, when I was 8. Now, there are 8 year olds wearing Fubu clothes and using much more derogatory language. When I would have used the term, "do it", they use "booty sex all up in yo' ass". Now, there's nothing worse than being frightened by someone half your age. There's nothing even remotely more pathetic that constantly checkind behind your back to see if someone you could easily knee in their face was behind you.

This is the type of fear that I live in.

It started about a couple weeks ago. After getting off the bus (No, I do not have a car. Would you trust me with a car?), I made my way towards my house. It was actually a very short distance to travel, considering that my house was the first in the neighborhood. As I opened the mailbox to get the mail, I heard something in the distance. It sounded like a flock of crackhead hobos that had escaped into the suburbs. I was wrong.

It was a flock of crackhead 8 year olds riding scooters and swinging sticks at each other. Now, normally, I would have just ignored them and continued to go inside the house, but I was feeling particularly like an asshole that day. I wanted to see one of them get in the face and fall off his bike in agony, spilling his guts all over the street, and I would laugh and laugh and laugh.

Sadly, the did not occur. They passed me, and I turned around and started walking up my driveway...when I was hit in the head. After gasping with pain, I looked down at my feet and saw a stick. I turned my head down the street. I didn't need to see them there to know they did it, but them laughing on their "cool" Razor scooters had ignited something in me.

I couldn't let them just get away with hitting me in the head with a stick. What would that make me? It would make me a pussy. It would make me the pussiest of all pussies. If we were all pussies, I would be the biggest, and hairiest of them all.

So I walked after them. I refrained from putting an angry, or sad look on my face. I put a demented psycho look on my face. I wanted them to get scared enough to shit their pants and have their mommy clean it up for them. As I got closer and closer to them, I realized this plan wasn't working, and I didn't have a backup plan. I only expected them to ride away on their scooters, and I wouldn't have to do anything. What the hell would I do when I got to them? Beat them? Hell, that sounded like fun, but beating up an 8 year old would make me look like a sick, twisted pussy.

I frantically tried to think of something to do as I reached them. I needed my brain for this one.

My Brain: "Ha. You think I'm going to help you?"

And then I was there. I stood less than 2 inches from the ugliest and smelliest of those unruly children. He was about where my crotch was. After realizing that 8 year olds put just about anything in their mouths, I decided to back up a little.

Me: "Who threw this?"

They remained silent, but put smirks on their faces.

Me: "What are you retarded? I'll ask you one more time. Who, the fuck, threw this?"

Still, no one replied. Then, one of the kids walked up to me.

Kid: "I did, whatchyu gonna do, bitch?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That son of a bitch just called me a BITCH! Who the fuck does this kid think he is?

Me: "You're fucking dead, cuntrag."

I raised the stick in my hand to smash his skull into two. To stick it through his fragile membrane, hearing the bones break, and the brain mush out of his head. To skin his flesh and feed it to the dogs while I got birds to eat his guts and then I would eat the birds and then I'd go to Taiwan and be the kickboxer like Jean Claudde Van Damme and avenge my brother even though all of his movies are the same, yet somehow interesting.

And then I heard a switch...

....it was a pocketknife.

One of the little bastards, wearing clothes 10 times the size of him, with what looked like remnants of Spagghetios on the corner of his mouth, pulled out a pocketknife on me.

Little Faggotass Bastard: "You don't call him a cuntrag, ho. You fuckin dead foo'."

So...I ran. I ran like the pussy I am. I was the biggest and hairiest pussy of them all. I was the clit of all clits. I was the smelliest, itchiest, bloodiest vagina ever.

But, come on. He had a fucking kinfe.

So I ran like a jaguar...an obese jaguar riddled with every malignant disease known to man. Reaching my door, I flung it open and closed it behind me, with my back against it.

My Brain: "AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Me: "Shutup, asshole."

Mom: "WHAT!?"

Me: "Uh...nothing."

So folks, this is the predicament that I am in. I've seen those asshole douchebags following me everyday, getting onto the bus, getting off the bus. Walking to get the mail, falling while getting the mail, having a heart attack while falling. They're everywhere. I can't sleep at night people. My eyes are bloodshot, and this post has taken me 3 hours to right. Look, I can't even spell write, right.

The only worse thing I can think can happen is......that they are reading this....

Shit.

 

[mustynutz]

Today I was awakened by the sound of my cell phones aweful ringtone. Who the fuck could be calling me at 8am on a sunday? Fuck. It was my girlfriend.
Her:Are you awake?
Me:No this is my voicemail.
Her:Oh ok well ill call back... Hey stop fucking with me.
Me:Sure. What the fuck do you want?
Her:I have a 102 fever. I need a ride to the ER.
Me:Be there in ten.
Her:thanks I love you bye.
Me:*Beep*

FUXOR! Now im in this Making-me-get-up-at-8-o'fucking-clock-on-the-fucking-sabath-while-I-should-be-sleeping-not-driving-your-ass-to-the-fucking-ER mood. I throw on the shirt and pants that I wore the day before and slaped on my Everlast flipflops that are falling apart and went to my 1984 Chevy Celebrity and fired her up. At least I tried to fire her up. She was flooded. FUCK!

I arrived at my girlfriends 5 minutes late. She was 15 minutes later than I. She comes out looking like shes going to the fucking prom or some shit.
Me:What the fuck took you so long!
Her:Oh I'm late?
Me:I said ten fucking minutes. I was five minutes late. You are 15 minutes late from the minute I got here. Thats 20 minutes late. And what the fuck are you wearing?
Her:I dont like to go out looking trashy and Im...*BARF*
Me:O hell mother fucking no you just puked. Fuck. Ok get out of the car while I clean this up.
Her:Ok.
*20 min later*
Mek Lets get this cluster-fuck underway.

It is now 8:45. I havent had a coffee or a smoke yet. I am now cranky. I am now at the hospital.
Meo they have a coffe?
Her:Yeah in the snack room.
Me:great Check yourself in. I needs me some coffeeeees.
Her:Thats fine.
I find my way through the maze that this hospital is and discover the coveted snack room. Ahh I can smell the coffee machine from here. Some asshole bought 3 coffees which kept me 5 more mintues from my coffee and cig. But now It was there for me to use. All mine. Alls I had was 3.00$ but thats enough. Larges be 60Cents. I put in my dollar, select size, strength, and type.Large 3x French vanilla. The cup falls, the machine whirrs and NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS.
Me: Hey wheres my coffee? YOU PIECE OF SHIT BASTARD!

Now im pissed. I put in another dollar taking my total ammount of cash to 1.80$ This time the coffee comes out and its all gravy. As Im leaving I spot TGIFridays brand potato skins. You have to understand that I love these tasty litte things. 1.00$. Perfect. I put in the dollar and selected the right code and the little prongs spun. I remember thinking I was lucky because it was the last one in the machine. The prongs stopped spinning and I looked down to see the skins hit bottom. Nothing. Nothing fell at all.Hulk smash!

I wish i was the Hulk because I would've destroyed the snack room instead of putting a big ass piece of glass in my foot. I got so pissed at the machine that I shook it violently and kicked it. I guess I dont know my own strengths because my foot went right through the 1/8th inch thick glass with ease. And the glass went into the webbing of my toes with ease too. Ill never buy converse again.

At this point in my life I wanted two things. Percocet and a smoke. I took my coffee and took the bag of chips along with several other items and sat in the chair across from the machine that had just raped me and I half destroyed. I was thinking about how much my foot hurt while I lit up a
smoke in the hospital. I of course only thought this for a few seconds because the vending machine fell forward, almost crushing me. At this point a male nurse, 24, 6'2'', 220lbs, comes in and starts asking a bunch of questions until he sees my foot. The hospital was nice enough to fix my foot before "removing me from the facility for disorderly conduct". But the day was mine in my eyes. Machine should never fuck with man. Especially not this man.

 

[mustynutz]

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