Siccness, I have a confession to make.
I am an anteater.
I wear a turtleneck all year, in winter AND in summer... for I have no choice.
I have an "intact penis", and I am not alone. Well over 80% of living men today are carrying just a little more weight between their legs than they need to, for we have never gone under the genital surgery known as circumcision.
This topic is as hot now as it was when it was invented back in ancient Egyptian times. The ancients argued that shedding their foreskin was a form of rebirth, and a step towards eternal life, as they equated it to a snake shedding its skin. From there, the ritual spread to other Semitic groups, for various cultural reasons. Members of the Jewish faith claim that it was introduced into their culture as a means to reduce the lust of a man, therefore culling the natural male urge to masturbate like a rabid monkey on an hourly basis.... There is also something about cleanliness and prevention of infection in there (which is apparently disputable... read this link, aptly titled "Smegma: Good not bad" http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/inspect.htm <---This is the only pro-dickcheese argument I have ever seen in my entire life, shocking really).
Today, the main reason for a baby boy to have his skin hat lopped off boils down to the same reason men are watching home renovation shows instead of sports, crying instead of working on their cars, exploring their feelings instead of putting the blocks to a cheerleading squad... it is a matter of the preference of a woman. Men, look into your pants. There lies an example of the rod your mother would prefer not to spare... if you catch my drift. I'm not sure I am comfortable with allowing this modern cultural trend of men being led around by a very short flesh leash run rampant all over the most prized of my possessions. So, I decided to look into the pros and cons of the procedure of adult circumcision.
Pros:
- You can make a wallet out of the left over skin. Rub the wallet, and it will become a suitcase.
- Easy to clean penis, now with 69% less smegma!
- You can pretend you're Jewish, but can still eat bacon. Watch that bank account fill up automagically before your eyes!
- Increased accuracy at the bowl
- Loren will be more inclined to do you
Cons:
- People can say that when you were circumcised, they threw away the best piece.
- Inevitable feelings of emptiness (temporary)
- Pain equal to or greater than childbirth (a scientific FACT)
- Risk of losing more than you bargained for
- Apparently has roots as a procedure intended to remedy excessive masturbation
- Needlessly Expensive! Around $3000, plus healing time
Now, let's consider the results. If I were to be circumcised I would instantly become a rich man with reduced penile odor, increased pissing accuracy, and Loren will want to sleep with me. Hmmm, looks pretty good so far. The Cons list appears to be made of mostly temporary problems... however, that 3 grand price tag looks a little heavy for what is such a simple operation.
Now, when you are faced with a dilemma where doing something will bring you immeasurable benefit but you don't want to pay for it, what do you do? That's right, DO IT YOURSELF! I did it, now so can you. Here's how:
STEP ONE
--------------
Ignore sorry assholes like this http://circumcisionquotes.com/circcost.html. You will need confidence and bravery to go through with the operation, any sliver of doubt in your mind could be disastrous.
STEP TWO
--------------
Gather your tools. There is a variety of ways to get this job done, so use what you have around you. You will need some sort of grip, a cutting implement, an anesthetic, and a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. Here is what I used, along with some available options:
Grip – The obvious choice for me was a pair of tongs that are normally used for Barbecuing. Why? Because I like the little piece that adjusts how wide they open, as well as all the caked on BBQ sauce.
Cutting Implement – I used hedge clippers – power and precision. You can use normal scissors, a razor blade, a rough edged grinding stone, the possibilities are endless.
Anesthetic – My good friend Jack Daniels helped me out here. The favor turned out to be a lame one, as the alcohol thinned my blood and made it difficult to stay conscious after I had made the final incisions, and let the flood gates open. I suggest using something more localized. Masturbate with Icy hot, beat your cock against a counter top until it goes number, or if you are desperate, ingest horse tranquilizers and let a cab driver make the cuts for you (they have steadier hands than a bomb squad technician).
Tourniquet – I pressed my member between two large size dictionaries for a dash of irony, then stitched things up with my "Sew Kewl" sewing kit and fishing line. You can use rubber bands, glad twist ties, or something as simple as a vice grip.
STEP THREE
-----------------
Conduct the Operation.
First thing you need to do is clean your tools, ALL OF THEM.
Apply anesthetic.
Next, take the clamp and lift the foreskin, resist the urge to draw eyes on your penis and make it look like a funny talking snake with big lips, I wasted hours by falling into this trap.
Apply tourniquet.
Now, with your free and, make cut along the front and peel two skin flaps back (much like a banana). It helps to sing a song in your head to take the focus off the pain.
Now cut the excess skin off and treat it the same way as your toenail clippings. No one likes walking on those sharp little bastards, so why would they like stepping on your foreskin? Right, didn't think so.
Stitch it up
STEP FOUR
----------------
Reap all the benefits.
As you can see, the operation can be done in four easy steps. Sure, my cock looks like a deformed eggplant now but I'm sure that will all change with time. It will be all worth it, trust me. Follow my steps and you'll be a bone-a-fide moil in no time.
I am an anteater.
I wear a turtleneck all year, in winter AND in summer... for I have no choice.
I have an "intact penis", and I am not alone. Well over 80% of living men today are carrying just a little more weight between their legs than they need to, for we have never gone under the genital surgery known as circumcision.
This topic is as hot now as it was when it was invented back in ancient Egyptian times. The ancients argued that shedding their foreskin was a form of rebirth, and a step towards eternal life, as they equated it to a snake shedding its skin. From there, the ritual spread to other Semitic groups, for various cultural reasons. Members of the Jewish faith claim that it was introduced into their culture as a means to reduce the lust of a man, therefore culling the natural male urge to masturbate like a rabid monkey on an hourly basis.... There is also something about cleanliness and prevention of infection in there (which is apparently disputable... read this link, aptly titled "Smegma: Good not bad" http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/inspect.htm <---This is the only pro-dickcheese argument I have ever seen in my entire life, shocking really).
Today, the main reason for a baby boy to have his skin hat lopped off boils down to the same reason men are watching home renovation shows instead of sports, crying instead of working on their cars, exploring their feelings instead of putting the blocks to a cheerleading squad... it is a matter of the preference of a woman. Men, look into your pants. There lies an example of the rod your mother would prefer not to spare... if you catch my drift. I'm not sure I am comfortable with allowing this modern cultural trend of men being led around by a very short flesh leash run rampant all over the most prized of my possessions. So, I decided to look into the pros and cons of the procedure of adult circumcision.
Pros:
- You can make a wallet out of the left over skin. Rub the wallet, and it will become a suitcase.
- Easy to clean penis, now with 69% less smegma!
- You can pretend you're Jewish, but can still eat bacon. Watch that bank account fill up automagically before your eyes!
- Increased accuracy at the bowl
- Loren will be more inclined to do you
Cons:
- People can say that when you were circumcised, they threw away the best piece.
- Inevitable feelings of emptiness (temporary)
- Pain equal to or greater than childbirth (a scientific FACT)
- Risk of losing more than you bargained for
- Apparently has roots as a procedure intended to remedy excessive masturbation
- Needlessly Expensive! Around $3000, plus healing time
Now, let's consider the results. If I were to be circumcised I would instantly become a rich man with reduced penile odor, increased pissing accuracy, and Loren will want to sleep with me. Hmmm, looks pretty good so far. The Cons list appears to be made of mostly temporary problems... however, that 3 grand price tag looks a little heavy for what is such a simple operation.
Now, when you are faced with a dilemma where doing something will bring you immeasurable benefit but you don't want to pay for it, what do you do? That's right, DO IT YOURSELF! I did it, now so can you. Here's how:
STEP ONE
--------------
Ignore sorry assholes like this http://circumcisionquotes.com/circcost.html. You will need confidence and bravery to go through with the operation, any sliver of doubt in your mind could be disastrous.
STEP TWO
--------------
Gather your tools. There is a variety of ways to get this job done, so use what you have around you. You will need some sort of grip, a cutting implement, an anesthetic, and a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. Here is what I used, along with some available options:
Grip – The obvious choice for me was a pair of tongs that are normally used for Barbecuing. Why? Because I like the little piece that adjusts how wide they open, as well as all the caked on BBQ sauce.
Cutting Implement – I used hedge clippers – power and precision. You can use normal scissors, a razor blade, a rough edged grinding stone, the possibilities are endless.
Anesthetic – My good friend Jack Daniels helped me out here. The favor turned out to be a lame one, as the alcohol thinned my blood and made it difficult to stay conscious after I had made the final incisions, and let the flood gates open. I suggest using something more localized. Masturbate with Icy hot, beat your cock against a counter top until it goes number, or if you are desperate, ingest horse tranquilizers and let a cab driver make the cuts for you (they have steadier hands than a bomb squad technician).
Tourniquet – I pressed my member between two large size dictionaries for a dash of irony, then stitched things up with my "Sew Kewl" sewing kit and fishing line. You can use rubber bands, glad twist ties, or something as simple as a vice grip.
STEP THREE
-----------------
Conduct the Operation.
First thing you need to do is clean your tools, ALL OF THEM.
Apply anesthetic.
Next, take the clamp and lift the foreskin, resist the urge to draw eyes on your penis and make it look like a funny talking snake with big lips, I wasted hours by falling into this trap.
Apply tourniquet.
Now, with your free and, make cut along the front and peel two skin flaps back (much like a banana). It helps to sing a song in your head to take the focus off the pain.
Now cut the excess skin off and treat it the same way as your toenail clippings. No one likes walking on those sharp little bastards, so why would they like stepping on your foreskin? Right, didn't think so.
Stitch it up
STEP FOUR
----------------
Reap all the benefits.
As you can see, the operation can be done in four easy steps. Sure, my cock looks like a deformed eggplant now but I'm sure that will all change with time. It will be all worth it, trust me. Follow my steps and you'll be a bone-a-fide moil in no time.
