CHUCK NORRIS ONCE ORDERED A BIGMAC AT BURGER KING N GOT ONE
- Thread starter UGT
- Start date
yeah ..
for those people who have been asleep for the past few years here's some jokes
The closest thing for chuck norris getting his *** kicked is breaking a sweat. -- Thnx for that Factor.
chucktxt[1] = "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
chucktxt[2] = "Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.";
chucktxt[3] = "Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.";
chucktxt[4] = "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.";
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[5] = "Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.";
chucktxt[6] = "Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.";
chucktxt[7] = "Chuck Norris can speak braille.";
chucktxt[8] = "Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone
standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.";
chucktxt[9] = "Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[10] = "Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.";
chucktxt[11] = "If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the ***** down.";
chucktxt[12] = "If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.";
chucktxt[13] = "Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.";
chucktxt[14] = "The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.";
chucktxt[15] = "Humpty Dumpty didn't fall off the wall, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him off.";
chucktxt[16] = "Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't
stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.";
chucktxt[17] = "Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.";
chucktxt[18] = "Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.";
chucktxt[19] = "The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.";
chucktxt[20] = "Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the ***** he
wants.";
chucktxt[21] = "Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.";
chucktxt[22] = "If you try to introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she'll introduce you to your biological father.";
chucktxt[23] = "Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the
seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride. Arnie says, I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements. God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, I believe... you are sitting in my seat.";
chucktxt[24] = "When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.";
chucktxt[25] = "Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.";
chucktxt[26] = "Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.";
chucktxt[27] = "Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.";
chucktxt[28] = "Chuck Norris can divide by zero.";
chucktxt[29] = "Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims 6 Feet of Fun is actually the
trademark for his *****.";
chucktxt[30] = "Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.";
chucktxt[31] = "Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants.
Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.";
chucktxt[32] = "If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's *****ing beef.";
chucktxt[33] = "We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, Please don't kill me. Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in
magic.";
chucktxt[34] = "Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, Who is Chuck Norris? to every question. It was the first and
only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.";
chucktxt[35] = "At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris
but Chuck Norris";
chucktxt[36] = "Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.";
chucktxt[37] = "Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him
holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.";
chucktxt[38] = "A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the
spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.";
chucktxt[39] = "Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers
offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.";
chucktxt[40] = "Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.";
chucktxt[41] = "If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[42] = "Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[43] = "If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.";
chucktxt[44] = "Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in
public.";
chucktxt[45] = "They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.";
chucktxt[46] = "Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.";
chucktxt[47] = "Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.";
chucktxt[48] = "When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.";
chucktxt[49] = "Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.";
chucktxt[50] = "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[51] = "Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.";
chucktxt[52] = "A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris! The mere
mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by
Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[53] = "The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type Chuck Norris into Google and hit I'm Feeling Lucky!.";
chucktxt[54] = "Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the ***** off.";
chucktxt[55] = "Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.";
chucktxt[56] = "Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.";
chucktxt[57] = "Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the ***** out of them.";
chucktxt[58] = "Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris";
chucktxt[59] = "Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.";
chucktxt[60] = "When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: 'What is Courage?' Chuck Norris received an
'A+' for writing only the words 'Chuck Norris' and promptly turning in the paper.";
chucktxt[61] = "Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.";
chucktxt[62] = "Chuck Norris ends every relationship with 'It's not me, it's you'.";
chucktxt[63] = "Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.";
chucktxt[64] = "When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently *****s a cow.";
chucktxt[65] = "One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris 'Chick Norris'. He explained it was an honest mistake and
apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a
bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.";
chucktxt[66] = "Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His
erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.";
chucktxt[67] = "Chuck Norris has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Chuck Norris problem.";
chucktxt[68] = "Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, 'WWCND?'";
chucktxt[69] = "In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[70] = "Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only
smaller and angrier.";
chucktxt[71] = "Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take ***** from anyone.";
chucktxt[72] = "Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.";
chucktxt[73] = "Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.";
chucktxt[74] = "Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can 'accidentally' beat the ***** out of little kids.";
chucktxt[75] = "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.";
chucktxt[76] = "Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.";
chucktxt[77] = "The phrase 'Made by Chuck Norris' is imprinted beneath the surface of China.";
chucktxt[78] = "Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.";
chucktxt[79] = "Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.";
chucktxt[80] = "When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[81] = "When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says 'Go'. This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to
start running for your life.";
chucktxt[82] = "Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.";
chucktxt[83] = "Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.";
chucktxt[84] = "Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged
beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking
its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.";
chucktxt[85] = "When you open a can of whoop-***, Chuck Norris jumps out.";
chucktxt[86] = "Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.";
chucktxt[87] = "People say the truth hurts, but it hurts a hell of a lot more when it comes from Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[88] = "If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in
case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.";
chucktxt[89] = "Chuck Norris can open beer cans with his teeth. He still prefers to use other people's teeth, though.";
chucktxt[90] = "Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.";
chucktxt[91] = "Chuck Norris is my homeboy";
chucktxt[92] = "The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer";
chucktxt[93] = "Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.";
chucktxt[94] = "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.";
chucktxt[95] = "There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.";
chucktxt[96] = "Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.";
chucktxt[97] = "Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[99] = "Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.";
chucktxt[100] = "When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.";
chucktxt[101] = "Humpty Dumpty didn't fall off the wall, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him off.";
chucktxt[102] = "Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.";
chucktxt[103] = "Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.";
chucktxt[104] = "Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.";
chucktxt[105] = "Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is.";
chucktxt[106] = "Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.";
chucktxt[107] = "Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost";
chucktxt[108] = "Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.";
chucktxt[109] = "Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.";
chucktxt[110] = "When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.";
chucktxt[111] = "Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.";
chucktxt[112] = "Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.";
chucktxt[113] = "There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.";
chucktxt[114] = "When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so
hard it became a Wendy's.";
chucktxt[115] = "Chuck Norris can't finish a 'color by numbers' because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all
blood is dark red.";
chucktxt[116] = "A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.";
chucktxt[117] = "When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[118] = "Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris
Roundhouse Kick).";
chucktxt[119] = "Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.";
chucktxt[120] = "When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.";
chucktxt[121] = "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.";
chucktxt[122] = "Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.";
chucktxt[123] = "In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to
be Chucksized.";
chucktxt[124] = "Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.";
chucktxt[125] = "If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.";
chucktxt[126] = "The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely
soaked in blood and tears.";
chucktxt[127] = "A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.";
chucktxt[128] = "Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no
force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.";
chucktxt[129] = "Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.";
chucktxt[130] = "When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.";
chucktxt[131] = "While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.";
chucktxt[132] = "Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war
of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.";
chucktxt[133] = "When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.";
chucktxt[134] = "When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.";
chucktxt[135] = "Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this 'a slow
Tuesday.'";
chucktxt[136] = "Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.";
chucktxt[137] = "Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[138] = "For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.";
chucktxt[139] = "Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.";
chucktxt[140] = "When taking the SAT, write 'Chuck Norris' for every answer. You will score over 8000.";
chucktxt[141] = "Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented
pink.";
chucktxt[142] = "When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.";
chucktxt[143] = "On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.";
chucktxt[144] = "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[145] = "Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!";
chucktxt[146] = "In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said 'Get a job'.
That is the story of the universe.";
chucktxt[147] = "Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.";
chucktxt[148] = "Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.";
chucktxt[149] = "Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined 'victim' as 'one who has
encountered Chuck Norris'";
chucktxt[150] = "Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.";
chucktxt[151] = "Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained
in one building.";
chucktxt[152] = "If you Google search 'Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked' you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.";
chucktxt[153] = "Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.";
chucktxt[154] = "Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his
monther's womb.";
chucktxt[155] = "Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.";
chucktxt[156] = "The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and
nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.";
chucktxt[157] = "It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.";
chucktxt[158] = "You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then
Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.";
chucktxt[159] = "Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.";
chucktxt[160] = "The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.";
chucktxt[161] = "There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.";
chucktxt[162] = "Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.";
chucktxt[163] = "When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.";
chucktxt[164] = "Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.";
chucktxt[165] = "James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have
turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.";
chucktxt[166] = "Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.";
chucktxt[167] = "Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so
terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.";
chucktxt[168] = "Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.";
chucktxt[169] = "It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.";
chucktxt[170] = "Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within
1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.";
chucktxt[171] = "Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same
forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.";
chucktxt[172] = "Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.";
chucktxt[173] = "Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.";
chucktxt[174] = "A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.";
chucktxt[175] = "Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the
face.";
chucktxt[176] = "There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.";
chucktxt[177] = "Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws
of physics. With his fists.";
chucktxt[178] = "An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.";
chucktxt[179] = "Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.";
chucktxt[180] = "Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line
of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.";
chucktxt[181] = "Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time
continuum.";
chucktxt[182] = "Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.";
chucktxt[183] = "Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because 'The Sum of All Fears' is the name of Chuck Norris'
autobiography.";
chucktxt[184] = "Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck
Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks
across the pool floor.";
chucktxt[185] = "Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.";
chucktxt[186] = "The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as
Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter.";
chucktxt[187] = "Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[188] = "Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill
a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the 'Circle of Life.'";
chucktxt[189] = "If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.";
chucktxt[190] = "Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.";
chucktxt[191] = "The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say 'Die slowly' and 'die quickly'. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris
punching or kicking a pedestrian.";
chucktxt[192] = "Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.";
chucktxt[193] = "The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated
with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no
weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[194] = "Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.";
chucktxt[195] = "Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.";
chucktxt[196] = "Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.";
chucktxt[197] = "The movie 'Delta Force' was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were
completely unbelievable.";
chucktxt[198] = "Movie trivia: The movie 'Invasion U.S.A.' is, in fact, a documentary.";
chucktxt[199] = "Chuck Norris does not 'style' his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.";
chucktxt[200] = "There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.";
chucktxt[201] = "It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to
pierce Chuck Norris' skin.";
chucktxt[202] = "Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.";
chucktxt[203] = "Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.";
chucktxt[204] = "Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the
White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others
to run the country in his place.";
chucktxt[205] = "Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.";
chucktxt[206] = "Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[207] = "Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is
'his' way.";
chucktxt[208] = "The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no
tales.";
chucktxt[209] = "Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.";
chucktxt[210] = "As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the
nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.";
chucktxt[211] = "Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.";
chucktxt[212] = "Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ***-kicking.";
chucktxt[213] = "Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: 'Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris'";
chucktxt[214] = "Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.";
chucktxt[215] = "Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.";
chucktxt[216] = "'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.";
chucktxt[217] = "Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.";
chucktxt[218] = "When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the
bottle.";
chucktxt[219] = "According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.";
chucktxt[220] = "Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.";
chucktxt[221] = "In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000
dead bodies for scientific research.";
chucktxt[222] = "Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.";
chucktxt[223] = "When J. Robert Oppenheimer said 'I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds', He was not referring to the atomic
bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.";
chucktxt[224] = "Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.";
chucktxt[225] = "In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were
incredibly fat or ugly.";
chucktxt[226] = "Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your
***, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.";
chucktxt[227] = "If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ***.";
chucktxt[228] = "Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in 'I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick
from Chuck Norris.'";
chucktxt[229] = "Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.";
chucktxt[230] = "MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall
and take it.";
chucktxt[231] = "Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[232] = "What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be 'Ultimate
Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division'.";
chucktxt[233] = "Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.";
chucktxt[234] = "The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.";
chucktxt[235] = "There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.";
chucktxt[236] = "Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.";
chucktxt[237] = "The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US
team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.";
chucktxt[238] = "Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.";
chucktxt[239] = "The Bible was originally titled 'Chuck Norris and Friends'";
chucktxt[240] = "Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably
pathetic.";
chucktxt[241] = "Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.";
chucktxt[242] = "When Chuck Norris says 'More cowbell', he MEANS it.";
chucktxt[243] = "Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.";
chucktxt[244] = "Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.";
chucktxt[245] = "Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.";
chucktxt[246] = "It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in
time and fathered himself.";
chucktxt[247] = "Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.";
chucktxt[248] = "It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.";
chucktxt[249] = "Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.";
chucktxt[250] = "That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.";
chucktxt[251] = "Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.";
chucktxt[252] = "Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like
chicken.";
chucktxt[253] = "Chuck Norris always gets division one in the lottery.";
chucktxt[254] = "Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.";
chucktxt[255] = "As President Roosevelt said: 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.'";
chucktxt[256] = "Chuck Norris just says 'no' to drugs. If he said 'yes', it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.";
chucktxt[257] = "Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.";
chucktxt[258] = "Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.";
chucktxt[259] = "Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.";
chucktxt[260] = "Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.";
chucktxt[261] = "It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.";
chucktxt[262] = "Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.";
chucktxt[263] = "Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.";
chucktxt[264] = "Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.";
chucktxt[265] = "When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to
the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before
you.";
chucktxt[266] = "Brokeback Mountain is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.";
chucktxt[267] = "When God said, 'let there be light', Chuck Norris said, say 'please'.";
chucktxt[268] = "Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.";
chucktxt[269] = "One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.";
chucktxt[271] = "Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all
three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.";
chucktxt[272] = "Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls
down.";
chucktxt[273] = "Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant
tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.";
chucktxt[274] = "Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, 'You want fries with that' because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't
ever want fries with anything. Ever.";
chucktxt[275] = "Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.";
chucktxt[276] = "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.";
chucktxt[277] = "Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse
kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.";
chucktxt[278] = "Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.";
chucktxt[279] = "Chuck Norris's version of a 'chocolate milkshake' is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in
diesel fuel.";
chucktxt[280] = "If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind
the kick will tear out your pancreas.";
chucktxt[281] = "In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[282] = "Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people. ";
chucktxt[283] = "Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[284] = "Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris
while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.";
chucktxt[285] = "Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.";
chucktxt[286] = "The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going
into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.";
chucktxt[287] = "Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford
Excursion.";
chucktxt[288] = "Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.";
chucktxt[289] = "Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.";
chucktxt[290] = "Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people
to kill.";
chucktxt[291] = "The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!";
chucktxt[292] = "For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.";
chucktxt[293] = "Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so
deadly to Superman.";
chucktxt[294] = "Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a 'hole.' Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas,
which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.";
chucktxt[295] = "Coroners refer to dead people as 'ABC's'. Already Been Chucked.";
chucktxt[296] = "Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.";
chucktxt[297] = "Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them
into audible sound.";
chucktxt[298] = "How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[299] = "The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm,
indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.";
chucktxt[300] = "When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.";
chucktxt[301] = "If you rearrange the letters in 'Chuck Norris', they also spell 'Crush Rock In'. The words 'with his fists' are understood.";
chucktxt[302] = "Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.";
chucktxt[303] = "Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat
his *** and take it.";
chucktxt[304] = "Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball
bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.";
chucktxt[305] = "The original title for Star Wars was 'Skywalker: Texas Ranger'. Starring Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[306] = "Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for 'Chuck Norris' basement'.";
chucktxt[307] = "The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft
hangar.";
chucktxt[308] = "Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.";
chucktxt[309] = "Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.";
chucktxt[310] = "He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.";
chucktxt[311] = "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.";
chucktxt[312] = "The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell
phone off.";
chucktxt[313] = "Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis'
Career.";
chucktxt[314] = "Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot
sized brusies on the face.";
chucktxt[315] = "Chuck Norris can taste lies.";
chucktxt[316] = "Chuck Norris does not kick *** and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks *** and assigns the corpse a number. It is
currently recorded to be in the billions.";
chucktxt[317] = "One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.";
chucktxt[318] = "Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.";
chucktxt[319] = "In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization 'Kick Drugs Out of America'. If the organization's name were
'Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America', there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.";
chucktxt[320] = "Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.";
chucktxt[321] = "They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ***, then proceeded
to barbecue and eat him.";
chucktxt[322] = "Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.";
chucktxt[323] = "When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.";
chucktxt[324] = "4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained,
needlessly brutal deaths.";
chucktxt[325] = "Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.";
chucktxt[326] = "The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.";
chucktxt[327] = "Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.";
chucktxt[329] = "With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.";
chucktxt[330] = "The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.";
chucktxt[331] = "Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and
destroy.";
chucktxt[332] = "To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[333] = "Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?";
chucktxt[334] = "There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[335] = "Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.";
chucktxt[336] = "If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in
theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?";
chucktxt[337] = "70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his ****.";
chucktxt[338] = "Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ***. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to
the face.";
chucktxt[339] = "The pie scene in 'American Pie' is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris'
case, the 'pie' was the molten crater of an active volcano.";
chucktxt[340] = "Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.";
chucktxt[341] = "Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.";
chucktxt[343] = "Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass.
Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.";
chucktxt[344] = "MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in
the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.";
chucktxt[345] = "Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck
Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.";
chucktxt[346] = "Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.";
chucktxt[347] = "The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck
Norris.";
chucktxt[348] = "Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by
blinking.";
chucktxt[349] = "Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.";
chucktxt[350] = "It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same:
death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.";
chucktxt[351] = "Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.";
chucktxt[352] = "Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with 'obstruction of justice.' This is because even Chuck Norris
cannot be in two places at the same time.";
chucktxt[353] = "Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.";
chucktxt[354] = "When you say 'no one's perfect', Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.";
chucktxt[355] = "Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a
nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.";
chucktxt[356] = "182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.";
chucktxt[357] = "Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.";
chucktxt[358] = "Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.";
chucktxt[359] = "All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.";
chucktxt[360] = "If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't
the other way around.";
chucktxt[361] = "July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.";
chucktxt[362] = "Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because
they have no teeth.";
chucktxt[363] = "In the medical community, death is referred to as 'Chuck Norris Disease'.";
chucktxt[364] = "Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.";
chucktxt[365] = "If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.";
chucktxt[366] = "In the Words of Julius Caesar, 'Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris'. Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked
inthe face by Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[367] = "The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[368] = "Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, 'But Chuck Norris isn't black',
then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.";
chucktxt[369] = "When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.";
chucktxt[370] = "Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.";
chucktxt[371] = "Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.";
chucktxt[372] = "Every time someone uses the word 'intense', Chuck Norris always replies 'you know what else is intense?' followed by a
roundhouse kick to the face.";
chucktxt[373] = "As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.";
chucktxt[374] = "Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.";
chucktxt[375] = "Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him 'a promising Rookie'.";
chucktxt[376] = "There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[377] = "President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.";
chucktxt[378] = "Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.";
chucktxt[379] = "What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape
his wrath.";
chucktxt[380] = "Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346
miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.";
chucktxt[381] = "Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.";
chucktxt[382] = "Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.";
chucktxt[383] = "Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.";
chucktxt[384] = "The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.";
chucktxt[385] = "Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.";
chucktxt[386] = "Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.";
chucktxt[387] = "A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his *** twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the
first time.";
chucktxt[388] = "Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.";
chucktxt[389] = "Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored
ice cream and Hot Pockets.";
chucktxt[390] = "Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.";
chucktxt[391] = "Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.";
chucktxt[392] = "When in a bar, you can order a drink called a 'Chuck Norris'. It is also known as a 'Bloody Mary', if your name happens to
be Mary.";
chucktxt[393] = "Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then
two people die.";
chucktxt[394] = "Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.";
chucktxt[395] = "There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.";
chucktxt[396] = "A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is 'Charles'. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he
exploded.";
chucktxt[397] = "Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian
cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.";
chucktxt[398] = "In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned
all 3 at the same time.";
chucktxt[399] = "Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.";
chucktxt[400] = "Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.";
chucktxt[401] = "For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.";
chucktxt[402] = "In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for
every character.";
chucktxt[403] = "We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[404] = "It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.";
chucktxt[405] = "The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.";
chucktxt[406] = "Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his
fists.";
chucktxt[407] = "The 11th commandment is 'Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris' This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible
to accomplish.";
chucktxt[408] = "Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.";
chucktxt[409] = "Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.";
chucktxt[410] = "Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.";
chucktxt[411] = "Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you
will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.";
chucktxt[412] = "When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.";
chucktxt[413] = "Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.";
chucktxt[414] = "If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.";
chucktxt[415] = "Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.";
chucktxt[416] = "Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed
weapon in over 50 states.";
chucktxt[417] = "A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual
effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.";
chucktxt[418] = "Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.";
chucktxt[419] = "They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take ***** from anybody.";
chucktxt[420] = "Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.";
chucktxt[421] = "'Sweating bullets' is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.";
chucktxt[422] = "Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.";
chucktxt[423] = "After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this
information, and said 'of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?'";
for those people who have been asleep for the past few years here's some jokes
The closest thing for chuck norris getting his *** kicked is breaking a sweat. -- Thnx for that Factor.
chucktxt[1] = "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
chucktxt[2] = "Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.";
chucktxt[3] = "Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.";
chucktxt[4] = "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.";
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[5] = "Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.";
chucktxt[6] = "Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.";
chucktxt[7] = "Chuck Norris can speak braille.";
chucktxt[8] = "Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone
standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.";
chucktxt[9] = "Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[10] = "Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.";
chucktxt[11] = "If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the ***** down.";
chucktxt[12] = "If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.";
chucktxt[13] = "Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.";
chucktxt[14] = "The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.";
chucktxt[15] = "Humpty Dumpty didn't fall off the wall, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him off.";
chucktxt[16] = "Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't
stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.";
chucktxt[17] = "Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.";
chucktxt[18] = "Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.";
chucktxt[19] = "The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.";
chucktxt[20] = "Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the ***** he
wants.";
chucktxt[21] = "Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.";
chucktxt[22] = "If you try to introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she'll introduce you to your biological father.";
chucktxt[23] = "Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the
seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride. Arnie says, I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements. God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, I believe... you are sitting in my seat.";
chucktxt[24] = "When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.";
chucktxt[25] = "Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.";
chucktxt[26] = "Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.";
chucktxt[27] = "Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.";
chucktxt[28] = "Chuck Norris can divide by zero.";
chucktxt[29] = "Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims 6 Feet of Fun is actually the
trademark for his *****.";
chucktxt[30] = "Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.";
chucktxt[31] = "Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants.
Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.";
chucktxt[32] = "If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's *****ing beef.";
chucktxt[33] = "We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, Please don't kill me. Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in
magic.";
chucktxt[34] = "Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, Who is Chuck Norris? to every question. It was the first and
only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.";
chucktxt[35] = "At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris
but Chuck Norris";
chucktxt[36] = "Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.";
chucktxt[37] = "Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him
holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.";
chucktxt[38] = "A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the
spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.";
chucktxt[39] = "Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers
offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.";
chucktxt[40] = "Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.";
chucktxt[41] = "If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[42] = "Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[43] = "If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.";
chucktxt[44] = "Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in
public.";
chucktxt[45] = "They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.";
chucktxt[46] = "Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.";
chucktxt[47] = "Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.";
chucktxt[48] = "When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.";
chucktxt[49] = "Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.";
chucktxt[50] = "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[51] = "Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.";
chucktxt[52] = "A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris! The mere
mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by
Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[53] = "The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type Chuck Norris into Google and hit I'm Feeling Lucky!.";
chucktxt[54] = "Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the ***** off.";
chucktxt[55] = "Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.";
chucktxt[56] = "Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.";
chucktxt[57] = "Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the ***** out of them.";
chucktxt[58] = "Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris";
chucktxt[59] = "Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.";
chucktxt[60] = "When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: 'What is Courage?' Chuck Norris received an
'A+' for writing only the words 'Chuck Norris' and promptly turning in the paper.";
chucktxt[61] = "Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.";
chucktxt[62] = "Chuck Norris ends every relationship with 'It's not me, it's you'.";
chucktxt[63] = "Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.";
chucktxt[64] = "When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently *****s a cow.";
chucktxt[65] = "One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris 'Chick Norris'. He explained it was an honest mistake and
apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a
bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.";
chucktxt[66] = "Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His
erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.";
chucktxt[67] = "Chuck Norris has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Chuck Norris problem.";
chucktxt[68] = "Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, 'WWCND?'";
chucktxt[69] = "In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[70] = "Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only
smaller and angrier.";
chucktxt[71] = "Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take ***** from anyone.";
chucktxt[72] = "Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.";
chucktxt[73] = "Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.";
chucktxt[74] = "Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can 'accidentally' beat the ***** out of little kids.";
chucktxt[75] = "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.";
chucktxt[76] = "Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.";
chucktxt[77] = "The phrase 'Made by Chuck Norris' is imprinted beneath the surface of China.";
chucktxt[78] = "Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.";
chucktxt[79] = "Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.";
chucktxt[80] = "When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[81] = "When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says 'Go'. This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to
start running for your life.";
chucktxt[82] = "Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.";
chucktxt[83] = "Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.";
chucktxt[84] = "Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged
beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking
its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.";
chucktxt[85] = "When you open a can of whoop-***, Chuck Norris jumps out.";
chucktxt[86] = "Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.";
chucktxt[87] = "People say the truth hurts, but it hurts a hell of a lot more when it comes from Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[88] = "If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in
case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.";
chucktxt[89] = "Chuck Norris can open beer cans with his teeth. He still prefers to use other people's teeth, though.";
chucktxt[90] = "Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.";
chucktxt[91] = "Chuck Norris is my homeboy";
chucktxt[92] = "The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer";
chucktxt[93] = "Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.";
chucktxt[94] = "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.";
chucktxt[95] = "There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.";
chucktxt[96] = "Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.";
chucktxt[97] = "Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[99] = "Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.";
chucktxt[100] = "When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.";
chucktxt[101] = "Humpty Dumpty didn't fall off the wall, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him off.";
chucktxt[102] = "Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.";
chucktxt[103] = "Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.";
chucktxt[104] = "Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.";
chucktxt[105] = "Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is.";
chucktxt[106] = "Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.";
chucktxt[107] = "Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost";
chucktxt[108] = "Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.";
chucktxt[109] = "Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.";
chucktxt[110] = "When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.";
chucktxt[111] = "Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.";
chucktxt[112] = "Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.";
chucktxt[113] = "There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.";
chucktxt[114] = "When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so
hard it became a Wendy's.";
chucktxt[115] = "Chuck Norris can't finish a 'color by numbers' because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all
blood is dark red.";
chucktxt[116] = "A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.";
chucktxt[117] = "When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[118] = "Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris
Roundhouse Kick).";
chucktxt[119] = "Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.";
chucktxt[120] = "When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.";
chucktxt[121] = "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.";
chucktxt[122] = "Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.";
chucktxt[123] = "In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to
be Chucksized.";
chucktxt[124] = "Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.";
chucktxt[125] = "If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.";
chucktxt[126] = "The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely
soaked in blood and tears.";
chucktxt[127] = "A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.";
chucktxt[128] = "Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no
force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.";
chucktxt[129] = "Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.";
chucktxt[130] = "When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.";
chucktxt[131] = "While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.";
chucktxt[132] = "Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war
of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.";
chucktxt[133] = "When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.";
chucktxt[134] = "When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.";
chucktxt[135] = "Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this 'a slow
Tuesday.'";
chucktxt[136] = "Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.";
chucktxt[137] = "Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[138] = "For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.";
chucktxt[139] = "Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.";
chucktxt[140] = "When taking the SAT, write 'Chuck Norris' for every answer. You will score over 8000.";
chucktxt[141] = "Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented
pink.";
chucktxt[142] = "When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.";
chucktxt[143] = "On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.";
chucktxt[144] = "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[145] = "Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!";
chucktxt[146] = "In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said 'Get a job'.
That is the story of the universe.";
chucktxt[147] = "Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.";
chucktxt[148] = "Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.";
chucktxt[149] = "Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined 'victim' as 'one who has
encountered Chuck Norris'";
chucktxt[150] = "Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.";
chucktxt[151] = "Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained
in one building.";
chucktxt[152] = "If you Google search 'Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked' you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.";
chucktxt[153] = "Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.";
chucktxt[154] = "Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his
monther's womb.";
chucktxt[155] = "Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.";
chucktxt[156] = "The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and
nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.";
chucktxt[157] = "It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.";
chucktxt[158] = "You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then
Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.";
chucktxt[159] = "Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.";
chucktxt[160] = "The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.";
chucktxt[161] = "There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.";
chucktxt[162] = "Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.";
chucktxt[163] = "When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.";
chucktxt[164] = "Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.";
chucktxt[165] = "James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have
turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.";
chucktxt[166] = "Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.";
chucktxt[167] = "Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so
terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.";
chucktxt[168] = "Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.";
chucktxt[169] = "It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.";
chucktxt[170] = "Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within
1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.";
chucktxt[171] = "Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same
forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.";
chucktxt[172] = "Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.";
chucktxt[173] = "Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.";
chucktxt[174] = "A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.";
chucktxt[175] = "Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the
face.";
chucktxt[176] = "There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.";
chucktxt[177] = "Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws
of physics. With his fists.";
chucktxt[178] = "An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.";
chucktxt[179] = "Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.";
chucktxt[180] = "Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line
of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.";
chucktxt[181] = "Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time
continuum.";
chucktxt[182] = "Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.";
chucktxt[183] = "Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because 'The Sum of All Fears' is the name of Chuck Norris'
autobiography.";
chucktxt[184] = "Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck
Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks
across the pool floor.";
chucktxt[185] = "Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.";
chucktxt[186] = "The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as
Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter.";
chucktxt[187] = "Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[188] = "Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill
a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the 'Circle of Life.'";
chucktxt[189] = "If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.";
chucktxt[190] = "Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.";
chucktxt[191] = "The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say 'Die slowly' and 'die quickly'. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris
punching or kicking a pedestrian.";
chucktxt[192] = "Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.";
chucktxt[193] = "The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated
with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no
weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[194] = "Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.";
chucktxt[195] = "Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.";
chucktxt[196] = "Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.";
chucktxt[197] = "The movie 'Delta Force' was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were
completely unbelievable.";
chucktxt[198] = "Movie trivia: The movie 'Invasion U.S.A.' is, in fact, a documentary.";
chucktxt[199] = "Chuck Norris does not 'style' his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.";
chucktxt[200] = "There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.";
chucktxt[201] = "It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to
pierce Chuck Norris' skin.";
chucktxt[202] = "Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.";
chucktxt[203] = "Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.";
chucktxt[204] = "Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the
White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others
to run the country in his place.";
chucktxt[205] = "Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.";
chucktxt[206] = "Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[207] = "Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is
'his' way.";
chucktxt[208] = "The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no
tales.";
chucktxt[209] = "Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.";
chucktxt[210] = "As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the
nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.";
chucktxt[211] = "Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.";
chucktxt[212] = "Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ***-kicking.";
chucktxt[213] = "Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: 'Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris'";
chucktxt[214] = "Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.";
chucktxt[215] = "Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.";
chucktxt[216] = "'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.";
chucktxt[217] = "Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.";
chucktxt[218] = "When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the
bottle.";
chucktxt[219] = "According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.";
chucktxt[220] = "Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.";
chucktxt[221] = "In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000
dead bodies for scientific research.";
chucktxt[222] = "Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.";
chucktxt[223] = "When J. Robert Oppenheimer said 'I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds', He was not referring to the atomic
bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.";
chucktxt[224] = "Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.";
chucktxt[225] = "In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were
incredibly fat or ugly.";
chucktxt[226] = "Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your
***, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.";
chucktxt[227] = "If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ***.";
chucktxt[228] = "Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in 'I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick
from Chuck Norris.'";
chucktxt[229] = "Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.";
chucktxt[230] = "MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall
and take it.";
chucktxt[231] = "Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[232] = "What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be 'Ultimate
Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division'.";
chucktxt[233] = "Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.";
chucktxt[234] = "The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.";
chucktxt[235] = "There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.";
chucktxt[236] = "Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.";
chucktxt[237] = "The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US
team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.";
chucktxt[238] = "Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.";
chucktxt[239] = "The Bible was originally titled 'Chuck Norris and Friends'";
chucktxt[240] = "Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably
pathetic.";
chucktxt[241] = "Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.";
chucktxt[242] = "When Chuck Norris says 'More cowbell', he MEANS it.";
chucktxt[243] = "Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.";
chucktxt[244] = "Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.";
chucktxt[245] = "Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.";
chucktxt[246] = "It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in
time and fathered himself.";
chucktxt[247] = "Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.";
chucktxt[248] = "It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.";
chucktxt[249] = "Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.";
chucktxt[250] = "That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.";
chucktxt[251] = "Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.";
chucktxt[252] = "Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like
chicken.";
chucktxt[253] = "Chuck Norris always gets division one in the lottery.";
chucktxt[254] = "Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.";
chucktxt[255] = "As President Roosevelt said: 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.'";
chucktxt[256] = "Chuck Norris just says 'no' to drugs. If he said 'yes', it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.";
chucktxt[257] = "Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.";
chucktxt[258] = "Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.";
chucktxt[259] = "Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.";
chucktxt[260] = "Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.";
chucktxt[261] = "It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.";
chucktxt[262] = "Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.";
chucktxt[263] = "Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.";
chucktxt[264] = "Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.";
chucktxt[265] = "When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to
the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before
you.";
chucktxt[266] = "Brokeback Mountain is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.";
chucktxt[267] = "When God said, 'let there be light', Chuck Norris said, say 'please'.";
chucktxt[268] = "Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.";
chucktxt[269] = "One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.";
chucktxt[271] = "Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all
three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.";
chucktxt[272] = "Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls
down.";
chucktxt[273] = "Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant
tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.";
chucktxt[274] = "Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, 'You want fries with that' because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't
ever want fries with anything. Ever.";
chucktxt[275] = "Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.";
chucktxt[276] = "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.";
chucktxt[277] = "Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse
kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.";
chucktxt[278] = "Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.";
chucktxt[279] = "Chuck Norris's version of a 'chocolate milkshake' is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in
diesel fuel.";
chucktxt[280] = "If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind
the kick will tear out your pancreas.";
chucktxt[281] = "In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[282] = "Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people. ";
chucktxt[283] = "Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[284] = "Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris
while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.";
chucktxt[285] = "Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.";
chucktxt[286] = "The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going
into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.";
chucktxt[287] = "Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford
Excursion.";
chucktxt[288] = "Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.";
chucktxt[289] = "Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.";
chucktxt[290] = "Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people
to kill.";
chucktxt[291] = "The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!";
chucktxt[292] = "For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.";
chucktxt[293] = "Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so
deadly to Superman.";
chucktxt[294] = "Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a 'hole.' Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas,
which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.";
chucktxt[295] = "Coroners refer to dead people as 'ABC's'. Already Been Chucked.";
chucktxt[296] = "Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.";
chucktxt[297] = "Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them
into audible sound.";
chucktxt[298] = "How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[299] = "The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm,
indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.";
chucktxt[300] = "When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.";
chucktxt[301] = "If you rearrange the letters in 'Chuck Norris', they also spell 'Crush Rock In'. The words 'with his fists' are understood.";
chucktxt[302] = "Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.";
chucktxt[303] = "Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat
his *** and take it.";
chucktxt[304] = "Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball
bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.";
chucktxt[305] = "The original title for Star Wars was 'Skywalker: Texas Ranger'. Starring Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[306] = "Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for 'Chuck Norris' basement'.";
chucktxt[307] = "The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft
hangar.";
chucktxt[308] = "Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.";
chucktxt[309] = "Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.";
chucktxt[310] = "He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.";
chucktxt[311] = "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.";
chucktxt[312] = "The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell
phone off.";
chucktxt[313] = "Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis'
Career.";
chucktxt[314] = "Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot
sized brusies on the face.";
chucktxt[315] = "Chuck Norris can taste lies.";
chucktxt[316] = "Chuck Norris does not kick *** and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks *** and assigns the corpse a number. It is
currently recorded to be in the billions.";
chucktxt[317] = "One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.";
chucktxt[318] = "Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.";
chucktxt[319] = "In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization 'Kick Drugs Out of America'. If the organization's name were
'Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America', there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.";
chucktxt[320] = "Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.";
chucktxt[321] = "They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ***, then proceeded
to barbecue and eat him.";
chucktxt[322] = "Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.";
chucktxt[323] = "When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.";
chucktxt[324] = "4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained,
needlessly brutal deaths.";
chucktxt[325] = "Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.";
chucktxt[326] = "The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.";
chucktxt[327] = "Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.";
chucktxt[329] = "With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.";
chucktxt[330] = "The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.";
chucktxt[331] = "Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and
destroy.";
chucktxt[332] = "To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[333] = "Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?";
chucktxt[334] = "There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[335] = "Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.";
chucktxt[336] = "If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in
theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?";
chucktxt[337] = "70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his ****.";
chucktxt[338] = "Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ***. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to
the face.";
chucktxt[339] = "The pie scene in 'American Pie' is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris'
case, the 'pie' was the molten crater of an active volcano.";
chucktxt[340] = "Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.";
chucktxt[341] = "Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.";
chucktxt[343] = "Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass.
Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.";
chucktxt[344] = "MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in
the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.";
chucktxt[345] = "Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck
Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.";
chucktxt[346] = "Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.";
chucktxt[347] = "The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck
Norris.";
chucktxt[348] = "Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by
blinking.";
chucktxt[349] = "Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.";
chucktxt[350] = "It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same:
death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.";
chucktxt[351] = "Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.";
chucktxt[352] = "Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with 'obstruction of justice.' This is because even Chuck Norris
cannot be in two places at the same time.";
chucktxt[353] = "Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.";
chucktxt[354] = "When you say 'no one's perfect', Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.";
chucktxt[355] = "Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a
nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.";
chucktxt[356] = "182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.";
chucktxt[357] = "Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.";
chucktxt[358] = "Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.";
chucktxt[359] = "All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.";
chucktxt[360] = "If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't
the other way around.";
chucktxt[361] = "July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.";
chucktxt[362] = "Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because
they have no teeth.";
chucktxt[363] = "In the medical community, death is referred to as 'Chuck Norris Disease'.";
chucktxt[364] = "Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.";
chucktxt[365] = "If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.";
chucktxt[366] = "In the Words of Julius Caesar, 'Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris'. Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked
inthe face by Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[367] = "The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[368] = "Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, 'But Chuck Norris isn't black',
then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.";
chucktxt[369] = "When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.";
chucktxt[370] = "Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.";
chucktxt[371] = "Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.";
chucktxt[372] = "Every time someone uses the word 'intense', Chuck Norris always replies 'you know what else is intense?' followed by a
roundhouse kick to the face.";
chucktxt[373] = "As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.";
chucktxt[374] = "Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.";
chucktxt[375] = "Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him 'a promising Rookie'.";
chucktxt[376] = "There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[377] = "President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.";
chucktxt[378] = "Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.";
chucktxt[379] = "What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape
his wrath.";
chucktxt[380] = "Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346
miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.";
chucktxt[381] = "Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.";
chucktxt[382] = "Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.";
chucktxt[383] = "Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.";
chucktxt[384] = "The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.";
chucktxt[385] = "Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.";
chucktxt[386] = "Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.";
chucktxt[387] = "A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his *** twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the
first time.";
chucktxt[388] = "Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.";
chucktxt[389] = "Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored
ice cream and Hot Pockets.";
chucktxt[390] = "Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.";
chucktxt[391] = "Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.";
chucktxt[392] = "When in a bar, you can order a drink called a 'Chuck Norris'. It is also known as a 'Bloody Mary', if your name happens to
be Mary.";
chucktxt[393] = "Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then
two people die.";
chucktxt[394] = "Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.";
chucktxt[395] = "There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.";
chucktxt[396] = "A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is 'Charles'. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he
exploded.";
chucktxt[397] = "Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian
cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.";
chucktxt[398] = "In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned
all 3 at the same time.";
chucktxt[399] = "Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.";
chucktxt[400] = "Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.";
chucktxt[401] = "For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.";
chucktxt[402] = "In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for
every character.";
chucktxt[403] = "We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.";
chucktxt[404] = "It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.";
chucktxt[405] = "The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.";
chucktxt[406] = "Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his
fists.";
chucktxt[407] = "The 11th commandment is 'Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris' This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible
to accomplish.";
chucktxt[408] = "Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.";
chucktxt[409] = "Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.";
chucktxt[410] = "Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.";
chucktxt[411] = "Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you
will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.";
chucktxt[412] = "When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.";
chucktxt[413] = "Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.";
chucktxt[414] = "If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.";
chucktxt[415] = "Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.";
chucktxt[416] = "Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed
weapon in over 50 states.";
chucktxt[417] = "A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual
effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.";
chucktxt[418] = "Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.";
chucktxt[419] = "They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take ***** from anybody.";
chucktxt[420] = "Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.";
chucktxt[421] = "'Sweating bullets' is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.";
chucktxt[422] = "Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.";
chucktxt[423] = "After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this
information, and said 'of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?'";
