Pleasanton Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold
at the Stoneridge Mall. She comes with an assortment
of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a cookie
cutter house. Options include tummy tuck,face lift and
a workaholic Ken.
San Ramon Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available
with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily,
and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic
jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Richmond Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes
with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider
Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and
a Meth Lab Ken.
Rancho Cordova/Gold River Barbie: This yuppie Barbie
comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up
Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
Stockton Barbie: This white-trash model comes in
Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt,
big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's
ass when she's drunk. A pickup is available with
Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Tahoe Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic
Barbie still has not learned that you can't wear a
leopard print ski outfit without looking passe, even
if you are actually skiing.
Berkeley Barbie: This Barbi e actually comes in two
variations. One has long gray hair and archless feet,
sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt . The
other version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tanktop,
low cut jeans and scratch-n-sniff armpits.
Bakersfield Barbie: This tobacco chewing,
brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you
can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no
pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while
you chase your beer-gutted, hollow gold-chain-wearing
boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with
lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at
all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans
with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the
back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through
shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted
and BIG. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with
Bon Jovi, rusty old Ford pick up.
TexasTransplant Barbie: This bitch of a Barbie comes
with a Ford SUV (Texasplates), a knife to stab other
Barbies in the back, and tons of makeup. Carnivore Ken
sold separately.
Piedmont Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in
Walnut Creek and Carmel. She drives her Land Rover
(sold separately) to the Oakland Public Library. She
has an MBA from Stanford but has never worked outside
the home. Her child stroller is bigger than your house
and her tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind
CEO Ken's golf trophie! s. She knows enough Spanish to
talk with the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the cook; and
Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean, to talk with the
gardener, house painter, and housekeeper respectively.
She is a lifelong member of the Junior League and her
Piedmont estate on Sea View Drive is featured in
Architectural Digest. Her family owns a winery in
Napa, but she buys cases of "2-Buck Chuck" at Trader
Joe's. Hence the need for the rear-loading Land
Rover. Her dirty little secret?? She's a closet Democrat.
They are working on developing an "Oakland Barbie",
but she keeps getting shot.
at the Stoneridge Mall. She comes with an assortment
of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a cookie
cutter house. Options include tummy tuck,face lift and
a workaholic Ken.
San Ramon Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available
with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily,
and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic
jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Richmond Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes
with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider
Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and
a Meth Lab Ken.
Rancho Cordova/Gold River Barbie: This yuppie Barbie
comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up
Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
Stockton Barbie: This white-trash model comes in
Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt,
big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD
set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's
ass when she's drunk. A pickup is available with
Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Tahoe Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic
Barbie still has not learned that you can't wear a
leopard print ski outfit without looking passe, even
if you are actually skiing.
Berkeley Barbie: This Barbi e actually comes in two
variations. One has long gray hair and archless feet,
sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt . The
other version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tanktop,
low cut jeans and scratch-n-sniff armpits.
Bakersfield Barbie: This tobacco chewing,
brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you
can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no
pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while
you chase your beer-gutted, hollow gold-chain-wearing
boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with
lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at
all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans
with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the
back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through
shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted
and BIG. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with
Bon Jovi, rusty old Ford pick up.
TexasTransplant Barbie: This bitch of a Barbie comes
with a Ford SUV (Texasplates), a knife to stab other
Barbies in the back, and tons of makeup. Carnivore Ken
sold separately.
Piedmont Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in
Walnut Creek and Carmel. She drives her Land Rover
(sold separately) to the Oakland Public Library. She
has an MBA from Stanford but has never worked outside
the home. Her child stroller is bigger than your house
and her tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind
CEO Ken's golf trophie! s. She knows enough Spanish to
talk with the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the cook; and
Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean, to talk with the
gardener, house painter, and housekeeper respectively.
She is a lifelong member of the Junior League and her
Piedmont estate on Sea View Drive is featured in
Architectural Digest. Her family owns a winery in
Napa, but she buys cases of "2-Buck Chuck" at Trader
Joe's. Hence the need for the rear-loading Land
Rover. Her dirty little secret?? She's a closet Democrat.
They are working on developing an "Oakland Barbie",
but she keeps getting shot.
