didn't write this, but I thought I would share this with you guys...
"A rant and a rave: The wonderful agony of oral sex"
The problem with oral sex is that it's like writing; when done right, it's amazing, but there are just so many ways it can go wrong.
High school was the first time I realized that blow jobs would be a painful pleasure. I was seeing a girl from another school in my area, and she was one of the very first girls to ever give me head. We were both new at it, and she liked me to courtesy tap. [For the sexually naïve: A courtesy tap is where I tap her on the head right before I climax so she could pull off and avoid getting any of my ejaculate in her mouth.] This was common practice, because she refused to taste semen. In her mind—I'm not making this up—she wasn't doing anything wrong as long as I didn't come in her mouth. Aren't 17 year old girls funny?
The first few times she went down on me I courtesy tapped, but this time we were in my car right outside her house, I got carried away with the risk and thrill of having her suck my dick about 20 yards away from her father, who I hated, and I lost track of my progress. Before I realized what was happening, she let out a little yelp, shut up from my crotch with her mouth full of splooge, gave a muffled, "You asshole," then spit my come all over my face.
She was out of my car and into her house before I knew it. I quickly drove off, not wanting to face her rifle-wielding father, with seminal fluid still meekly drizzling out of my penis, my face covered in her spit and my sperm, laughing at the absurdity of my life.
I had no idea that this would only be the first in a long line of blowjob follies.
One girl I was dating the summer after I graduated high school, let's call her "Jayne," had never given head before she started seeing me. Now, my experience has taught me that whenever a girl tells me she "doesn't normally give head," she inevitably ends up giving me an incredible blow job.
It's the ones who say they never do it that do it the best, but Jayne was the exception. She was the absolute worst I've ever experienced, or even heard of, at fellatio. Teeth everywhere, no rhythm, no enthusiasm, nothing, but I was patient with her because she was stunningly beautiful and I was too young to know better. It took a month of painstaking instruction before she was good enough that I didn't stop her after 5 minutes to just jack myself off --she was that bad (she was also the first girl I ever went down on, and to be honest, I was awful on her too. But at least I never BIT her clit).
After another month or so, she got good enough that she could at least come close to finishing me off by herself, but she never moved her head. She kept her head still and I would move my hips, which was kinda annoying. One night I was particularly randy, and very enthused with my hip thrusts when I felt a warm, wet sensation on my crotch. I was laying on my back, so I looked down and saw what looked like A LOT of splooge.
This confused me, because I was close to coming, but I didn't think I had actually achieved orgasm. It felt warm on my crotch, but when I reached down to touch it, the come was chunky and dark, and much more viscous than any semen that I've ever seen shot out of my dick. The only thing I could think was that she had given me some crazy hybrid VD that made my come all thick and chunky. My mind was racing; I couldn't figure out what else could be wrong, so I said, "What did you do to my dick?"
She looked up at me, I saw the expression on her face, and immediately figured out what happened:
"Oh my god--did you just throw up on my dick? Did you just VOMIT ON MY FUCKING DICK?"
Yes, yes she did. I ended up dated her for another two years (beauty does strange things to the male mind), but she stopped going down on me and we just focused on vaginal sex from that point forward.
"A rant and a rave: The wonderful agony of oral sex"
The problem with oral sex is that it's like writing; when done right, it's amazing, but there are just so many ways it can go wrong.
High school was the first time I realized that blow jobs would be a painful pleasure. I was seeing a girl from another school in my area, and she was one of the very first girls to ever give me head. We were both new at it, and she liked me to courtesy tap. [For the sexually naïve: A courtesy tap is where I tap her on the head right before I climax so she could pull off and avoid getting any of my ejaculate in her mouth.] This was common practice, because she refused to taste semen. In her mind—I'm not making this up—she wasn't doing anything wrong as long as I didn't come in her mouth. Aren't 17 year old girls funny?
The first few times she went down on me I courtesy tapped, but this time we were in my car right outside her house, I got carried away with the risk and thrill of having her suck my dick about 20 yards away from her father, who I hated, and I lost track of my progress. Before I realized what was happening, she let out a little yelp, shut up from my crotch with her mouth full of splooge, gave a muffled, "You asshole," then spit my come all over my face.
She was out of my car and into her house before I knew it. I quickly drove off, not wanting to face her rifle-wielding father, with seminal fluid still meekly drizzling out of my penis, my face covered in her spit and my sperm, laughing at the absurdity of my life.
I had no idea that this would only be the first in a long line of blowjob follies.
One girl I was dating the summer after I graduated high school, let's call her "Jayne," had never given head before she started seeing me. Now, my experience has taught me that whenever a girl tells me she "doesn't normally give head," she inevitably ends up giving me an incredible blow job.
It's the ones who say they never do it that do it the best, but Jayne was the exception. She was the absolute worst I've ever experienced, or even heard of, at fellatio. Teeth everywhere, no rhythm, no enthusiasm, nothing, but I was patient with her because she was stunningly beautiful and I was too young to know better. It took a month of painstaking instruction before she was good enough that I didn't stop her after 5 minutes to just jack myself off --she was that bad (she was also the first girl I ever went down on, and to be honest, I was awful on her too. But at least I never BIT her clit).
After another month or so, she got good enough that she could at least come close to finishing me off by herself, but she never moved her head. She kept her head still and I would move my hips, which was kinda annoying. One night I was particularly randy, and very enthused with my hip thrusts when I felt a warm, wet sensation on my crotch. I was laying on my back, so I looked down and saw what looked like A LOT of splooge.
This confused me, because I was close to coming, but I didn't think I had actually achieved orgasm. It felt warm on my crotch, but when I reached down to touch it, the come was chunky and dark, and much more viscous than any semen that I've ever seen shot out of my dick. The only thing I could think was that she had given me some crazy hybrid VD that made my come all thick and chunky. My mind was racing; I couldn't figure out what else could be wrong, so I said, "What did you do to my dick?"
She looked up at me, I saw the expression on her face, and immediately figured out what happened:
"Oh my god--did you just throw up on my dick? Did you just VOMIT ON MY FUCKING DICK?"
Yes, yes she did. I ended up dated her for another two years (beauty does strange things to the male mind), but she stopped going down on me and we just focused on vaginal sex from that point forward.
