Many times during the day I received junk emails. Normally I simply delete them , truly taken with a grain of salt. Luring me with a free ipod, laptop, x-box, and finally the bigger penis pill. While skimming through my 123 bits of spam, I came across something that caught my eye. The title of the email was "Super size your penis!" Strangely enough this was being sent to me by someone named Greg Colburn. It feels wrong to have another man take such great interest in your cocks length. I figured I would do the noble thing and see what this company had to offer.
I do not claim to be a wise man. Some things in life I feel even a complete fool SHOULD understand. Like "Pets need to be fed" or "You cannot make your dick 3 inches longer in a week, short of an operation." This was the pill makers claim to fame. "Your penis will grow 3 inches in a week OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!"
While I read about the latest herbal discovery, something dawned on me. These people must honestly think I need a bigger penis! It all became clear to me now. I had led them on with my countless emails to the company claiming so, such as. "Do you know how to make my penis bigger?" "Hey, random person. My dick isn't big enough, why don't you fix that for me?" Or "OMG lik make my p3n1$ Pwnz joo!" I defiantly needed to contact them, and let them know I was sorry.
With my digital camera firmly tucked into my Hammer pants I realized I had never emailed them about my penis. Someone must be spreading wild rumors about my cock on the Internet. Time for a Google search! "Eddie small penis." Nothing. "Eddie not well endowed." Nothing "Eddie needle dick the bug fucker." Damn still no sign of the rumor. I had to make right this wrong. Wait a tick...... "Any questions call 1-866-662-7127 Toll free 24/7" Time to get to the bottom of this!
Max: "Thank you for calling, this is Max how can I help you?"
Me: "Hello Max, this is Eddie, I received an email concerning my penis size."
Max: "So you are interested in our Vimax Pills. Ok well we have a one months supply for...."
(I cut him off in mid pitch, They love this.)
Me: "No Max, I don't think you understand. My penis is just peachy. What concerns me is why does your company think it is big enough?"
Max: "Excuse me sir? I don't think I understand. You received an email from us, and you don't want to order?"
Me: "Max, can I level with you here? Ok, a lot of people out in this world of ours don't really like me. Some of them with good reason to. Hell one or two might even lie to everyone they know about my penis. It would not shock me.
Max: "Sir, if you do not want to order now, then..."
(I cut his ass off. No way your getting out of it THIS easy.)
Me: "Who was it Max? Who told Greg Colburn my penis is too small?"
(My tone turns a bit harsh, as I try not to giggle like a school girl seeing her first pee pee .)
Max: "Sir, please it is an automatic email. We send them out to random people on the Internet to advertise. That is all."
Me: "Max, I think you are right. I think a more calm approach to this would serve us both best. Now the question is who would NOT tell a bunch of strangers my penis is small?"
Max: "Sometimes it isn't even about being too small. Sometimes people just want to be bigger than normal. We get callers all around America who...."
(I cut him off again, he hates this."
Me: "Well I can tell you it wasn't your wife who told the company. I made her ass bleed pretty good. She won't complain."
Max: "Ok, I am going to end this call."
(Max stated in a very calm, but pissed voice.)
Me: "Why? What is wrong max?"
Max: "I under stand that you are offended by the nature of the email that was sent to you, however I was not the one who sent it. Your name was on a list of...."
Me: "So I was picked at random?"
Max: "Yes, from one of our lists."
Me: "Well, not I am picking YOU at random to be pissed at Max. Just passing the hate on."
(Max pauses.)
Max: "You are being very inappropriate and unprofessional today sir."
Me: "Kinda like emailing me about my cock. Fuck you Max. I will be emailing you all a picture of my dick, to remove all doubt. Go.."
(Max hangs up.)
I do not claim to be a wise man. Some things in life I feel even a complete fool SHOULD understand. Like "Pets need to be fed" or "You cannot make your dick 3 inches longer in a week, short of an operation." This was the pill makers claim to fame. "Your penis will grow 3 inches in a week OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!"
While I read about the latest herbal discovery, something dawned on me. These people must honestly think I need a bigger penis! It all became clear to me now. I had led them on with my countless emails to the company claiming so, such as. "Do you know how to make my penis bigger?" "Hey, random person. My dick isn't big enough, why don't you fix that for me?" Or "OMG lik make my p3n1$ Pwnz joo!" I defiantly needed to contact them, and let them know I was sorry.
With my digital camera firmly tucked into my Hammer pants I realized I had never emailed them about my penis. Someone must be spreading wild rumors about my cock on the Internet. Time for a Google search! "Eddie small penis." Nothing. "Eddie not well endowed." Nothing "Eddie needle dick the bug fucker." Damn still no sign of the rumor. I had to make right this wrong. Wait a tick...... "Any questions call 1-866-662-7127 Toll free 24/7" Time to get to the bottom of this!
Max: "Thank you for calling, this is Max how can I help you?"
Me: "Hello Max, this is Eddie, I received an email concerning my penis size."
Max: "So you are interested in our Vimax Pills. Ok well we have a one months supply for...."
(I cut him off in mid pitch, They love this.)
Me: "No Max, I don't think you understand. My penis is just peachy. What concerns me is why does your company think it is big enough?"
Max: "Excuse me sir? I don't think I understand. You received an email from us, and you don't want to order?"
Me: "Max, can I level with you here? Ok, a lot of people out in this world of ours don't really like me. Some of them with good reason to. Hell one or two might even lie to everyone they know about my penis. It would not shock me.
Max: "Sir, if you do not want to order now, then..."
(I cut his ass off. No way your getting out of it THIS easy.)
Me: "Who was it Max? Who told Greg Colburn my penis is too small?"
(My tone turns a bit harsh, as I try not to giggle like a school girl seeing her first pee pee .)
Max: "Sir, please it is an automatic email. We send them out to random people on the Internet to advertise. That is all."
Me: "Max, I think you are right. I think a more calm approach to this would serve us both best. Now the question is who would NOT tell a bunch of strangers my penis is small?"
Max: "Sometimes it isn't even about being too small. Sometimes people just want to be bigger than normal. We get callers all around America who...."
(I cut him off again, he hates this."
Me: "Well I can tell you it wasn't your wife who told the company. I made her ass bleed pretty good. She won't complain."
Max: "Ok, I am going to end this call."
(Max stated in a very calm, but pissed voice.)
Me: "Why? What is wrong max?"
Max: "I under stand that you are offended by the nature of the email that was sent to you, however I was not the one who sent it. Your name was on a list of...."
Me: "So I was picked at random?"
Max: "Yes, from one of our lists."
Me: "Well, not I am picking YOU at random to be pissed at Max. Just passing the hate on."
(Max pauses.)
Max: "You are being very inappropriate and unprofessional today sir."
Me: "Kinda like emailing me about my cock. Fuck you Max. I will be emailing you all a picture of my dick, to remove all doubt. Go.."
(Max hangs up.)