Advice from the thinkers...

[Stealth]

I've been dating my girl for 2 1/2 years and stuff is perfect between us. We both get along perfect, and i've never met anybody that can relate to me and understand me the way that she can. I've been in a few other long term relationships, and I know from experience that this is probably the one that I shouldn't let get away. We both care about each other, love each other, and have an unconditional trust in each other.

The only big difference between us is my work ethic - she doesn't have a job, she takes classes at a community college, and over the summer she has tons of free time. On the other hand - I'm working 40 hours a week, taking 6 credits worth of classes, and doing an Honors research project on cocaine and heroin addicts for my neuroscience major (I'm graduating next year). My schedule is basically 70-80 hours of work a week.

My girl has been complaining for a while that I haven't been giving her enough time, even though she's been understanding and supportive of everything I do. I'm definately way too busy to spend a lot of time with my boys (I go to Pitt, and my hometown is about 10 minutes away), my family, etc., but I always make time for her. Once I realized she was unhappy with everything, I decided to change my summer schedule - now I"m working 40 hours a week and taking 6 classes - i bumped my research project back to August.

After doing all of that, she came over crying, saying that she loved me but she thought we needed to take a break. She's only been in one serious relationship in her life (me) and she says that she loves me so much that it scares her. We're both pretty young to be so serious (she's 20, i'm 21), and we both understand that there's a lot in the world out there for us. She says she wants to take some time to herself (a break/break up) so that she can experience the world as a single person and make sure that she really wants to be with me. Basically, if, after her break, she comes back to me and we get together, it'll be for the long term and she wants me to put a ring on her finger.

I understand where she's coming from - I broke up with my first serious girlfriend because I thought that we were too young to be serious, and it was our first relationship, and I wanted to see what else the world had to offer. I had my fun, did my thing, and then got with my present girl. But she never had any other relationship to compare us to, so it scares her that she isn't 100% sure, and she doesn't want to stay with me and have that doubt in the back of her mind. Its hard, but I understand where she's coming from. At the same time, I think if she really wanted me to put that ring on her finger, she wouldn't break up with me.

I told her that if she wanted to go off and do her own thing, I want her to. I want her to be happy and I want her to be sure. But i also told her if I ever found out that she was with another guy I'd probably never want to fucking see her again.

I dunno...i have a lot more to say and a lot more to think about, but its 8:30 am and I need to get to work a little bit. What do you guys think about this? Any of you been through something like this? I can see us growing apart while we're "separated", and stuff drastically changing. Either way, I kind of leave it to fate - if its meant to happen, it will. You know - if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you its yours. I dunno.

Any advice?

 

[TOKZTLI]

Dude, let it go and finish your studies. Afterwards you'll have lots of time to meet someone at your intellectual level. She has a future at WacArnolds with her work ethic, you have the world in your sights and you're only 21. You'll be almost a different person in 5-10 years and she will probably annoy the crap out of you then, lounging around eating doritos and watching re-runs of Desperate Housewifes. I say you already did enough for her and she has to go out there and get some experience.

But Im not a thinker . . . so what do I know.

 

[ColdBlooded]

Keep workin hard, graduate, those are priorities.

If she wants a "break" then treat it as a break up. It'll give you more time to focus on work/school/kickin it with your boys and family. She's obviously not right for you if she doesn't understand that she's not seeing much of you because you're working and going to school.

Be ColdBlooded about it, let her move on and don't expect to ever have anything with her again (don't even if she comes back), you'll be better off in the long run.

 

[reza]

It sounds like you have a bright future. Make sure your education is your #1 priority, but you probably already know that. I'd say let her take the break she is asking for. honestly, i think she'll see other guys because that's what girls do on their "breaks", they want to explore. If she really is understanding of what you're doing rite now for your future then she wouldn't want to take a break.

 

[WHITE DEVIL]

Dump the bitch and find someone at your level.

Honestly...if she wants to "explore", "experiment", etc., she basically isn't at your level. She is not at the point you are in life now, and she may never be.

Is she intelligent? Could be but doesn't sound like it. Intelligence is HUGE in a girlfriend, at least in my opinion

Intelligence dictates: The likelihood of her cheating on you, The likelihood of her being honest, The likelihood of her being able to find you interesting and vice versa.

I think this is a huge in a woman...not just some ghetto bitch sayin "you know I'm intelligent", but an honest-to-god inquisitive nature and thoughtful mind...for example, a girl who reads books (not Harry Potter or romance novels) in her spare time, simply for her own enjoyment, etc.

Without those women are prone to myriad idiocies you don't want.

 

[Stealth]

I think I gave you guys the wrong impression of her. Does she work hard and maximize her potential? Probably not. But I think she's highly intelligent. Like i told my mom, she has the Hardware (the intelligent brain) but not the Software (facts). She is a really smart girl, me and her connect on an intellectual level unlike any girl i know - its the reason i want to stay with her. She doesn't apply herself - there's a lot of facts that I know, a lot of stuff I've put into my head. I'm wise and smart, but she's just smart.

I do agree with everything that you're all saying though.

Tokztli - I know I have a lot of time to look around, and I'm definately not the one looking for a long term relationship (although I do think I stumbled across it). When she broke up though, basically she said "I can see myself with you, I can see myself getting old with you, and I need some time to see the world for myself so that I can be sure that you're the one I want to be with. If not, I might be with you for years, and at age 30 wonder what else is out there". I do think this girl is a keeper. And I think she's very intelligent, she's not irrational or overly emotional, and I really do owe all of what I've done in my life to her. If she hadn't come around at the right time, I'd still be eating acid and blowing Oxys all day long.

Coldblooded - She wanted to go out on her own and have time to herself, but still call me on the phone and see me once in a while. I told her that if she really wanted to see the world for herself, I couldn't be her man in that capacity - we had to cut it off altogether, cuz that's what its really like. So she wanted the break - but I pushed for the break up. Even though I want to be with her, if that's really her reason for wanting to be single, then I have to make sure she really gets everything out of the experience that she's supposed to. But you're right about the priorities man - I know my priorities, and she knows my priorities. That's why sometimes she feels like she doesn't come first in my life - because she doesnt.

Reza - I'm cool with the break, but if she touches another guy its over. That's not the rational, adult way to look at it, but that's definately the hot-tempered, proud, Sicilian way to look at it. My one requisite for being considered family is loyalty. I expect it from my mom, her family, my dad, my brother, my boys. For me to not expect the same thing from the girl I might spend the rest of my life with is absurd. If she wants to be with me, she has to stay loyal.

Kind of a catch 22 that I'm the one that pushed for the real break up, but i'm also the one who will flip out if she see's other guys. I'm tryin - but that's one thing I can't overlook. If she touches a guy, she's not loyal. And people who aren't loyal to the ones they love are lower than fucking dirt.

White Devil - like i was saying - she is on my level. She's a smart girl, just not an educated one. And I dont mean she's stupid either - I'm just saying she doesn't know as much as I do. But basically, see the first paragraph I wrote.

All i know is the most emotional periods of your life are the times when you're the most creative, because the emotion is real. So on that tip, I'm gonna go write something.

 

[Unkut Yola]

The only big difference between us is my work ethic - she doesn't have a job, she takes classes at a community college, and over the summer she has tons of free time. On the other hand - I'm working 40 hours a week, taking 6 credits worth of classes, and doing an Honors research project on cocaine and heroin addicts for my neuroscience major (I'm graduating next year). My schedule is basically 70-80 hours of work a week.

You know - if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you its yours. I dunno.

Any advice?

well that difference can be a problem but i think if y'all really love eachother it'll work out, but u got a schedule like that? DAM how in tha fuck you manage to squeeze in a long ass post l;ike this... lol
well i think you should let her do what she gotta do and also try to make it clear to her that your jus tryinna get ahead jus be real calm n try not to offend her jus let her know u love her but u gotta handle your priorities she' should understand for that matter... stay on yo mission homie, i dont see why u even need tha "thinkers" on this one because you seem to have yo head on hella str8, but anyhow, my advice is do whatchu do, and let her do what she does, jus try n keep good faith and if it works out

 

[HERESY]

I told her that if she wanted to go off and do her own thing, I want her to. I want her to be happy and I want her to be sure. But i also told her if I ever found out that she was with another guy I'd probably never want to fucking see her again.

If she hasn't already been with another shes been pondering it for awhile now and will soon follow through.

I think I gave you guys the wrong impression of her

Stop making excuses for her.


Why do you think people say: "I want ime apart"? It's so they can get with other people junior. She already told you:

so that she can experience the world as a single person and make sure that she really wants to be with me. Basically, if, after her break, she comes back to me and we get together, it'll be for the long term and she wants me to put a ring on her finger.

Do you understand what that means? What shes saying is she wants to experience gangbangs and d.p.'s and when shes good and ready allow you to marry her because no one else will marry a whore. SHE gave YOU an ultimatum bro. SHE wants to have fun now and come back to you when shes all worn out. SHE doesn't believe in YOU or the LOVE you two share. She did you a favor man. Would you want to see this NOW or years from now when you're a millionaire and shes faking her love just to get your $$$$$$$$$$?


wrong move #1:

Once I realized she was unhappy with everything, I decided to change my summer schedule - now I"m working 40 hours a week and taking 6 classes - i bumped my research project back to August.

Don't get me wrong I understand why you did it (because you believed in the relationship) BUT why wasnt she making sacrifices? What did being nice get you? What did changing your schedule get you? Answer the question.


IMHO I think she had this planned for awhile. I also think other problems in the relationship were present but you couldn't see them.


Wrong move #2:

but I always make time for her

You're too available. Make time for YOURSELF. You have friends and family 10 minutes away yet you're spending your time with a person who doesn't appreciate you and your work ethic.

I've been dating my girl for 2 1/2 years and stuff is perfect between us.

Your girl telling you she wants to see other people is perfect?

We both get along perfect, and i've never met anybody that can relate to me and understand me the way that she can.

If this were true she would understand you're working, going to school and trying to handle a relationship.

I've been in a few other long term relationships, and I know from experience that this is probably the one that I shouldn't let get away.

Keep thinking that.......

We both care about each other, love each other, and have an unconditional trust in each other.

She doesn't believe any of that, sorry.

If she wants to be with me, she has to stay loyal.

SHE does NOT want to be with YOU! READ THIS AGAIN:

so that she can experience the world as a single person and make sure that she really wants to be with me.

This is not a female you can trust my friend. You're going through bad times and she wants to jump ship. She does NOT feel the same way about YOU as YOU feel about HER. You're interested in her, she is interested in multiple dicks.



:hgk:

 

[CannibalCrow]

My friend is going through this same thing. His girl was getting him all emotional and wanted a "break". I saw her on some other guy not a week later and she was with this new one. Apparently experiencing life. My friend is a real go-getter and he's a great man, and a hard worker. He's stable and knows what he wants. This girl basically just whined for him to be more impetuous ( though not the word she used.) and still wanted to be a teenager. And as a female, who knows other females and hangs with other females I can tell you first hand that when a girl says she wants a break, and has to experience more.. she is just wanting to not feel quite so guilty about breaking up with you. I don't mean to make it sound cold, but I've seen my friends do it. They meet someone else and they break up with the previous boy in the most sugar coated way possible. Hence why I don't have many female friends.

Then again I could be wrong, and she could honestly just want to be on her own. The lines that triggered my response was the wanting a break line, and wanting to experience life as a single person line... Heard it too many times from girls as they broke up with their guys.

 

[Stealth]

A lot that shit ... wanting a break ... experience life as a single person ... that's my wording. You guys all have a lot of points though.

I know that shit sounds cliche as fuck. When I read it over I see that. But somehow I think this shit is different. Then again, I'm the one with the bias, not you guys.

 

[WHITE DEVIL]

86 the bitch!

 

[HERESY]

A lot that shit ... wanting a break ... experience life as a single person ... that's my wording. You guys all have a lot of points though.

I know that shit sounds cliche as fuck. When I read it over I see that. But somehow I think this shit is different. Then again, I'm the one with the bias, not you guys.

Look man did she tell you that crap or not? Stop covering for her.


lol@white devil.


:hgk:

 

[SocialResponsibility]

for real dawg, sounds like your on the right track with your life, the last thing you need to worry about is a female......sounds like you will be successful with your life, when u do that females will come....

 

[Mean Mugg]

Heresy was a bit harsh but I'm on the same boat. There's gotta be another dude that's been on her mind for her to want a break. Fuck that shit. My relationship is similar to yours. I'm 21, my lady is 20, we'll be together for 3 years by the end of this week. We both go to college, and have the same classes (having same classes and major is a major plus!!!) lol. Now if she were to want a break, THAT'S IT, I'm done with her. As compatible as we are and as good as our relationship goes, for her to want a break man...Gotta be another dude. Your lady wants a break so she can experience life being single, in other words so she can experience life as a bachelorette!!! Again it's gotta be another dude, she doesn't see you much and she goes to college where there are many men for her to jock. I mean if you really want this girl, let her know you really want her. And if she REALLY wants you she shouldn't have brought up the break unless there's another dude. Looks like to me from what you have stated is she doesn't APPRECIATE you, she's being selfish. 20 is still hella young man, the age where girls want to hit up the club and drink and what not, it's the party age. I'm lucky I got my lady on lock, she ain't clubbin' she ain't going out w/her friends she just wants to be with me, almost 3 years man. I gotta admit, fucking other girls have crossed my mind but it's just a thought and I'm only a man with raging hormones so it's only natural. Will I ever go through with it? I highly doubt it. IMO women are more of a dog than men. So I'm sure the thoughts has crossed your lady's mind since she has so much free time and your seldomly with her...

 

[Hu$tle530]

I've heard this story many times from older folks who live with regret and wonder what could have been,........


I'd try and sit down with her and really talk about this shit explain your self all around so she can see whats going on in your head, and see what she thinks and come to an agreement,...............

 

[HERESY]

I had a reply but I gotta get to the dentist in the morning. I'm goin to bed.

 

[Mean Mugg]

Well since I gave you my opinion, I shall give you my lady's since we've discussed about breaks in general some time ago. I asked her a while ago "what if I told you I wanted to take a break?" She knew I wasn't serious but her reply was "FUCK YOU, THAT'S JUST AN EXCUSE FOR YOU TO FUCK OTHER GIRLS YOU STUPID ASS!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IN BREAKS, IF WE HAVE A BREAK IT'LL BE A BREAK UP FOR GOOD." The only reason for a break is so the other person can experience being with other people, and you know that person will definitely want to experience sex with those other people as well...Do what you gotta do folks, Hustle530 gave ya some good advice. Good luck and...

"Don't be no sucka fo' these hoes, fo' these hoes, don't be no sucka fo', don't be no sucka fo' these hoes" - Missippi

I take it back, Heresy wasn't that harsh. If my lady would to bring that up with me, I definitely ain't having it, it really is a sign of I want to fuck other guys.

 

[Roxy]

First off Hustle530 gave you good advice. Talk to her, let her know what is going on in your mind. Communication is key. But then give her the break. Sometimes we think we know what we want, but the actually follow through is another story. Let her see what life would be like without you there daily. She could just be confused and think she wants a break. Long term committed relationships can be scary, especially at such a tender age. What ever needs to happen will happen. You just stick to your studies. You’ll be fine and stronger for the experience.

 

[HERESY]

^^^^^^^^^^ where have YOU been? Hows life?!?!?!

 

[HERESY]

Talking will do you NO good at this point. What can you talk about? When a female wants OUT she will find a way OUT. What she did was let you off the hook without making herself feel guilty about the situation. The fact that you gave her a chance to come back IF she didn't get down with anyone else was plain stupid. Do you think she'll tell you if she has been with 8 guys? No.


IF a female wants to be with you, she'll make time to be with you. She'll do whatever she can to be with you as much as possible. Something else was going down to make her decide to jump ship like that.


A womans ACTIONS count. Not her words, jargon, twisted logic etc. Her ACTIONS so far have been selfish/inconsiderate.


LOL@YOU if you go and explain your "feelings" to her. Do you think women give a damn about that when your relationship has already crashed and burned? :dead: