A verse I wrote in class

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Feb 2, 2003
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#1
Drained from this duel with school so badly wanna leave this place/ Might catch a case for goin crazy if I don't slow down this pace/ Feels like a frantic race with time to find some frequent funds/ With little income or money saved I'm beatin a broke ass drum/ The opposable thumb is the greedy one that deals out all the dollars/ But smart and dumb are confused as one lettin some simple brains become ballers/ The faithful followers of the system miss the point in the biggest picture/ What's political scripture just fills their wallets while I'm wrong for drinkin liquer?/ In a thicker sense there's no suspense once the bottles bought they bank/ And thank me for makin their pockets dense with a seat in the holding tank/ Then take my drank let the bottle break..wait isn't that called stealing?/ But a government crime does no time like a pharmacy drug dealing/ Instead of healing wounds they're sealing tombs of many men tryin to make it/ But takin a different route cuz they don't care about us just front and fake it/ Make money and they'll take it say it's supporting uncle sam/ But fuck that man, you be what he wants you to be i'll be who i am

What y'all think?
 
May 2, 2004
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#2
Ok, heres some constructive critisizm, two words, ready???

ok, write em down dog....

ok get the pen, fine, whatever....


ok ready??





ok good, here goes...
















STOP WRITING


two more



YOU SUCK!!!














just kiddin, that verse was kinda weak, keep writing and ur shit will be better....
 
Feb 2, 2003
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#5
I had a feelin not many people would be feelin it. I think everyone wants to here that thug music about killin and slangin dope and shit cuz it makes them feel harder or somethin, even thought most of that shit ain't even real. I like to write about shit that I actually experience and more just about society in general, I think that's better music. Don't get me wrong, I love to slap all the west coast rap even if I can't relate too it just cuz it sounds tite, but I like flows that are actually about life and not just killin motherfuckers and all that. My shits more like some Living Legends or other underground hip hop music.
 
Oct 26, 2002
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#6
shit has sum dope meaning behind it, but tha flows was weak, i mean not saying id like im e-40 or nathen, but i feel u on spitting bout everyday life, i did do tha dope slanging, not gangbangin but drinking and smokin be my hobbys

but yea keep postin ull get 2 tha top 1 day dawg

peace
 
Apr 25, 2002
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#8
CHICKEN HAWK said:
you should have payed attention to your teacher
LOL...OUCH...I READ THE RHYME...NO GOOD...YOU CANNOT RAP ABOUT SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT...THATS LIKE AN ENGLISH TEACHER TRYING TO TEACH MATH...HES GOT NO BUSINESS SAYIN SHIT ABOUT MATH...DO ME A FAVOR NEXT TIME YOU FEEL LIKE WRITING A RHYME IN CLASS...STOP YOURSELF AND DO SOME SCHOOL WORK OR SOME SHIT...AND IF YOU DO TRY TO WRITE...DONT POST IT ON THE SICC...IVE WASTED LIKE 5 MINUTES OF MY LIFE FUCKIN WITH YOU...$IDEWAYZ
 
May 10, 2002
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#10
a couple good lines in there i thought

1. The opposable thumb is the greedy one that deals out all the dollars/ But smart and dumb are confused as one lettin some simple brains become ballers/

2. Then take my drank let the bottle break..wait isn't that called stealing?/ But a government crime does no time like a pharmacy drug dealing/

those lines stuck out to me keep spitten man...
 
Feb 2, 2003
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#11
Right on Suspect, glad someones at least feelin part of it instead of everyone just clownin. I think that's how a lot of my raps are, I have some good lines in them, but sometimes the way I piece it together makes it sound kinda generic.