can you summarize the various stages you went through as this is a very interesting thing to me and it might be to others as well.
Yeah I will try my best. This was about 10 years ago now so the memories are not as vivid, but I can summarize to the best of my recollection (I also did not really have a choice in doing this so I am guessing my response would be somewhat different than someone who decided to do this on their own)
The process started primarily with anxiety and stress leading up to the begining and on through the first few hours of solitude. Once the initial anxiety wore off, it was replaced with a growing sense of fear. The fear initially was what I would call unfocused, whereas it had no point or origin but was more just a general sense a fear. I was afraid of being alone, afraid of being hurt, afraid dying, etc. As the fear grew stronger it came with a feeling of oppression.
After a few hours the fear began to become more focused primarily on the fear of not being able to withstand being alone for the duration. This fear was overwhelming and what I would call neurotic similar to being faced with a an obstacle you don't believe you can overcome. The thought "I can't do this" keep repeating in my head, but I didn't have much of a choice so I was stuck between what I considered to be two unmovable forces (which is why it seemed to have a neurotic element to it).
The fear and sense of being overwhelmed sent me into what I would describe as a mini bought of depression - for the entire 2nd day.
The second day was mostly filled with alternating sessions of laying down after being overwhelmed by the depression, and then pacing around as I was overwhelmed by the anxiety.
By the third day, the intensity of the fear, anxiety, depression had subsided and I had transitioned into more of a bored state as I relaxed and began to become more aware of the absence of usual stimulus.
The boredom was the final barrier to opening a very unusual and new state of introspection, which began around the end of the 4th day.
The introspection period was very strange to me because it came completely independently. In other words, I wasn't thinking to myself "well since you are here alone you might as well reflect on your life". It came totally on its own with no conscious thought from me and I could not have stopped it if I wanted.
The introspection was very intense and came with vivid daydreams of past memories that were almost like hallucinations with their clarity. I was remembering things that I had no recollection of ever occurring or ever being memories. The memories were very intense and brought extreme levels of happiness or sadness depending on their nature. I was laughing and crying to myself and thinking nothing of it. The memories also had a introspective quality to them and I was able to understand a lot of things about myself and my relationships with other people that I had never realized before.
By the end of the time I had an extreme sense of happiness and I felt a strong impulse to act on a lot of the conclusions I had drawn about myself and other people during the times of unplanned self reflections. I remember getting home and immediately calling a bunch of different people to tell them about the conclusions I had drawn.
